Zeus you are right it's all about H! So I started a new one! I'm only through chapter 3 but I've learned CD comes in many forms it's usually learned and will take a lot of work to overcome! It led me to look into adult children of alcoholics and guess what! I fit almost every characteristic! I also found a CD support group about an hour away I am looking into! I feel starting with this will help me the most! I believe at this time I am feeling resentment for "doing everything" which is part of CD! I feel exhausted all the time no energy lack of motivation and mostly resentment! I have learned I need to feel my own feelings not just push them down And go on to the next task! I need to live a life seperate from the "family" also! I can be a mom W and human! What is my next step?! I will be attending IC weekly instead of every other week! Instead of those sessions being about my relationship they need to be about me and improving me! I have also possible found a support group for adult children of alcoholics! They can be a part of my GAL also! I will continue with GAL and stay busy!
Great post lovely lady, seems like the reading is helping and the posting a new thread to cement the focus on you is amazing. Bless Zeus he can make things so clear at times. So proud of you! I'm looking forward to reading more about YOU!
Great post. THIS is how change happens. THIS is how growth happens.
One step at a time 4, you're doing it by taking care of you first. Can you imagine going to a doctor that was constantly sick? Same thought for a Mom, W, and head of a family. You've got to take care of you first and it sounds like you're doing it.
Good work.
PP
M 39 W 36 T5 M3 BD - 1/15 Separated - Same Day Served 9/15 D finalized 6/17
Hey 4! I was really pleased to read your post above. THAT is what being on the right path looks like! Interesting that you are starting to see patterns in your own life. With this awareness, you will be able to start managing things from your 'old' life that you want to change. And you can build a better 'new' life for yourself.
And the beauty of what you are doing now is - it doesn't really matter what your spouse is doing - your self-improvement will happen either way. And you will live a happier life either way.
The support groups sound like a great option, and may lead to new friendships too. As you say, good GAL and a way to get out of the house and do something for you....keep on going my friend - you're doing really well! xx
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
toots thanks! It is a better way to look at things. I will be working over night tonight so I will be looking at different cycles I see to keep myself awake! I will let you know tomorrow what they are!
Well I am feeling really anxious tonight. H went tubing with OW around noon its now 8pm not home and I have to work at 10pm. He does not know that I need to work I will message him around 9 and let him know he needs to be home by 930 as to not sound pursuing. I am CHOOSING to not be upset about it to look at the feelings and realize they are anxiety and not anger. I know my anxiety usually turns to anger so I am aware that I need to control that when I see him. I am CHOOSING not to lecture him about being gone all week and not seeing his kids that is HIS problem. I am CHOOSING to control me! I have been with them all week so I am not losing out. It is only one day but I have not pursued simply asked what time he was planning to get home and when he did not answer I CHOOSE not to send multiple texts. I called to let him know I had to work he did not answer called back while I was sleeping I called back no answer so I will text half hour before I need to leave. No need to bother him or pursue or control. Its one day but Its a very very small step. Very powering making a different choice!
Did you leave a message telling him that you need to be at work at 10pm? This has nothing to do with pursuing, I think, it seems like a housekeeping matter.
If you have texted him without telling him you need to go to work, and called him without leaving a message where you told him, and plan on giving him 30 minute's notice to get home - how do you expect him to react to that?
It's good that you haven't bombarded him with texts today, and I certainly can understand the pain you are experiencing and how it causes you anxiety. Not only that, but he's treating you like cr@p, letting you take care of his children while he's out with another woman! Totally disrespectful and callous.
However, if you are going to behave the very best way *you* can, how about sending the very first text just saying: "I'm working at 10pm, will you be home by 9:30?" That will promote a smooth and calm interaction between the two of you, which I assume you would like regardless what happens.
M 16 yrs, WH62, P54 3 adult blended kids EA 11/13, BD1 6/14 PA fall 14, BD2 2/15 Piecing 2015, BD3 12/15 Separated 4/16 WH moved OW in 5/16 Divorced 6/15/17
