Good Morning!! I had a good weekend! Played alot of golf!! Did some house cleaning and had a very peaceful weekend! Had a good visit with my mom and dad on Saturday. Life is good!! I have noticed I appreciate things alot more lately. I love the nice cool summer morning and a nice sunrise! Or a beautiful sunset out on the green golf course! I am thankful for my house, the town I live in, the community, my friends, my job, my dogs( even the dumb one)! I am really thankful for the wonderful nachos I made myself last night!! I am thankful for this forum and the people here! I am thankful for God and the help he has given me through all this! I especially thankful for my wonderful children! I am filled with gratitude Today!!
Me:44 EXW 44 Wonderful Children M11, T14 BD 6/14 OM Confirmed Divorce Final 2/25/16 "It works if you work it!"
Good Morning! Well I am heading to meet STBXW tomorrow to pick up the kids. I am so excited to pick them up. D12 sounds really excited to come home. I think S7 is also excited. We had to have a little talk because STBXW told him to tell me he wanted to spend one month here and one month in CA during the school year. SERIOUSLY!!! Lawyer told me no sane judge would go for that. It is sad that she is trying to manipulate S7 because he is young.
I am struggling with the kids and their involvement with affair partner. If anyone on here has experience with this, I would love some advice. S7 is young and does not understand. To me, STBXW is sick in the head for bringing him to pick up the kids. And also sick to be involving them in her affair. And involving this guys little girl. It is not like we have been separated for awhile and than they came into their lives. Or even given it a year for the divorce to sink in. This all started while still married. These kids had hope that their mom would come home and were thrown into a relationship with a stranger and his daughter. For all anyone knows, this guy could still be married.
I am also dealing with STBXW parents putting everything on me. Now they have stepson 24 attacking me for nothing. Their complaint is I borrowed a bunch of money from STBXW grandma and them. STBXW did borrow some money from her grandma when we were in some financial trouble. But they are making it sound like a ton of money. And I know nothing about borrowing from her parents. I guess that is their way of justifying their daughter destroying her marriage and all her children's emotional well being. I can hear and see the hurt in these older kids. Luckily stepson24 is the only one taking his hurt out on me. The other kids are just hurting for me, younger kids and themselves. Stepson 24 is really good at focusing his anger else where. Any excuse to complain about someone makes things easier for himself.
I have a good therapist for both D12 and S7 to speak to. I visited with her the other day for a long time. She is also going to see me to help me deal with all this. It will take great patience and understanding when S7 mentions the affair partner and his daughter. I am very angry with STBXW and her OM. OM daughter is just a innocent young girl in all this. It baffles me about the amount of pain all our kids have to go through and these wayward spouses don't care.
Me:44 EXW 44 Wonderful Children M11, T14 BD 6/14 OM Confirmed Divorce Final 2/25/16 "It works if you work it!"
Can I suggest some fun stuff for the kids, not gifts but time with Dad on is own just hugging watching movies, eating kids food and some games. Aka RD, then settling in at home, some decorating, choices, planting bushes, things to make home like home and with a forever feeling.
Anchoring.
WW PA will die a death as reality bites and my lovely it will be a distant memory. Your children have one loving stable parent with joy in his heart and love in his hugs. The rest is all noise.
Well WW family, they may say things and truth always comes out in the end, those with empty souls stay empty until they look inwards and repair the cracks.
As long as PA partner is just that a PA partner that's good, if he has a D that he sees that could be a good thing. Especially if WW is running her business at their shared home!
Otherwise I would leave alone, although I confess to apprehension. others wiser than I will guide you and your L too. Plus kids from a stable home with at least one loving parent are more resilient than you think, go have fun in the sunshine and enjoy the most amazing times.
Stepson 24 will realise in time, it will only take time and he will ground, when he does you may find he is one of the loyalist souls. Ultimately for this SS there will be a spell breaker moment, just be there for him, keep loving him and trust in the process. Time will heal and repair.
I truly believe a man with enormous love, courage and determination will outshine any temporary issues. I see you with compassion for OMs D, but detach for this time detach.
Tons of happiness in rainbows
V
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
V!!! You always know the right things to say!! You have no idea how much peace your words just gave me.
I am going to take the kids through Yellowstone tomorrow afternoon. Just me and them and our cameras!!
There is one nice thing about being separated from WW, I don't have to take her demands anymore!! I have received several texts lately telling me what I "need" to do. I have been ignoring them until yesterday. I did reply because it had to do with my S. But I told her from now on if you can't text me in a nice tone and without being demanding, than I will not reply to you. Her response was, well you don't have to be nasty. LOL!!
Me:44 EXW 44 Wonderful Children M11, T14 BD 6/14 OM Confirmed Divorce Final 2/25/16 "It works if you work it!"
The text thing, it's. Like training a teenager, actions speak louder than words. respond to the polite, ignore the impolite, WW will soon without knowing it, be respectful. Nice, treat, not nice, no treat. Ever so often really nice, great treat. What treats would WW like? Pictures of the kids, by the kids, happy songs. After a little while intermittent treats, don't want to be too generous.
Have a fantastic time tomorrow, I shall think of you all with your cameras. Just be careful of yogi bear.
V
As you know WH has never been polite, the chocolate treats are still in the cupboard! I shall have them myself.
Last edited by Vanilla; 08/10/1507:13 PM.
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
I am struggling with the kids and their involvement with affair partner. If anyone on here has experience with this, I would love some advice.
I have experience with it, my son was 9 and my D's were 14 and 17 when my ex left and when she started bringing OM into their lives. Here is my advice- do nothing. Unless there is something wrong with OM (mean/ abusive/ etc.) then let it be. I assure you, your kids are going to give your W plenty of grief for it. I never said a thing to my ex (still W at the time), but man I heard stories from my kids and from my ex about convos that were taking place and wow, they did not mince words, LOL! Especially D14, she really let my ex have it. Anyway as a result of the kids my ex started bringing OM around less and less. Eventually they broke up. Just worry about making yourself the better choice, the spouse only a fool would leave.
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To me, STBXW is sick in the head for bringing him to pick up the kids. And also sick to be involving them in her affair.
Not at all. She just thinks she's madly in love and she wants him to be part of her family. Is she rushing things along too quickly? Oh yes, she absolutely is because she doesn't realize it but she's still firmly in the infatuation stage. Once it passes she may discover she really doesn't love him. But she's not "sick in the head" and as long as you think like that it will manifest itself in your interactions with her in ways you can't predict.
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This all started while still married.
I think it's Cadet that says "most people are divorced at BD, they just don't know it yet." The piece of paper that says you're married is really just a legal document. If you think about it, you're not really married anymore except on paper. That's not to say you can't have a relationship with your W at some point in the future, but your old M is dead and gone.
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These kids had hope that their mom would come home and were thrown into a relationship with a stranger and his daughter.
Yes, and the kids will resent her for it. But that's between them and her. If they talk to you about it you should do two things- 1) validate their feelings (that's not agreeing or disagreeing with anything they say about your W, it's just acknowledging their feelings) and 2) reassure them that no matter what, you and your W both love them very much and will always be there for them. DO NOT try to use them as tools to send a message to your W or teach her a lesson, it won't work and it will harm the kids.
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I am also dealing with STBXW parents putting everything on me.
Blood is thicker than water. In times like this, the family will ALWAYS rally behind their own. Don't take it personally, it's just an unfortunate byproduct of what we're going through.
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It baffles me about the amount of pain all our kids have to go through and these wayward spouses don't care.
Oh they care, they care a lot more than the LBS realizes. WAS's punish themselves constantly about what they're doing. They just don't show it openly. She is in a lot of pain right now. Try to be mindful of that in how you treat her. She's suffering, you can easily make it better or make it worse.
Thank you V and Sandi and AnotherStander!! You made some great points. I will remember these things. I have been practicing some already. Thank you for your advice. It is much appreciated.
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That's not to say you can't have a relationship with your W at some point in the future, but your old M is dead and gone.
If in relationship, you mean co parenting, we will have that. We will NOT have anything further from that. I am not sitting around hoping my WW comes out of her fog and wants to come home. She is welcome to do whatever with whomever!! There is alot that has happened in all the years of my marriage that I just endured. Now since she has moved on, I do not have to endure that anymore. And I don't want to be with a lier, cheater, thief and betrayer.
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She is in a lot of pain right now. Try to be mindful of that in how you treat her. She's suffering, you can easily make it better or make it worse.
This I have thought about alot. I ask God to help me forgive her every night. I know in time I will be able to forgive her and I do better each day. It is not easy to feel sorry for someone that has hurt you this bad. It is even harder when you see the hurt the children go through.
Me:44 EXW 44 Wonderful Children M11, T14 BD 6/14 OM Confirmed Divorce Final 2/25/16 "It works if you work it!"
