My partner of 6 years left me for a man who is married and has kids.
I know it at least was an emotional affair. I was struggling with family health issues (my side) and I wanted us to move closer. I wasn't as supportive as I should have been with her job. I can see how I made her feel unsupported and alone. I didn't mean to, but I could see how my actions contributed to her behavior.
She just went home to visit family for a few weeks. Before that, she discovered the other man. She was mad and accuse me of violating her privacy and trust. I do believe she made the worst violation of trust.
We we sent a few emails back-and-forth. Mine was the last, calling her out for her lack of care about how she treated me.
She's away for another couple weeks and she wants me moved out by the time she arrives.
I know she's still seeing this married guy, As crazy as it sounds, I do want her back. Or at least I'd like to try again. (If she does it again, it's on me).
I'm not sure what to do. Do I send her another email trying to ease back from blaming her? Do I tell the other man's wife in the hopes she keep it anonymous and ends the affair?
Do I just ride it out?
I can provide more info if needed. Already read divorce remedy.
You may be on moderation now, post in small frequent replies and stay on this thread until you reach 100 posts (for your thread, you can also post on other peoples threads to give support). Especially on this Newcomers forum, where the posting activity is very active, and your posts can quickly fall to the bottom of the page or even several pages down. Keep journaling and asking questions - people will come! Most important - POST!
Get out and Get a Life (GAL). DETACH.
Believe none of what he or she says and half of what he/she does.
Have NO EXPECTATIONS.
Take care of yourself, breathe, eat, sleep, exercise.
Take the parts of this advice that you need and don't worry if I have repeated something that you have already done.
Here are a few links to threads that will help you immensely:
Are you two married? (you call her your "partner"). Whose name(s) are on the mortgage/lease? I certainly wouldn't be the one moving out if she is the one having the affair, but I think we need some details than what you're providing here in order to properly advise you.
We're not married. I was planning to propose soon.
After a few weeks of not being able to get her to change her mind and take me back I looked on her computer and discovered the OM - that was violating her trust.
We're not married. I was planning to propose soon.
After a few weeks of not being able to get her to change her mind and take me back I looked on her computer and discovered the OM - that was violating her trust.
Did you already know at that point that she had been the OW in a previous relationship? Sounds to me like you were just being wise, and protecting yourself considering her past track record and her suspicious current behavior.
btw, you should stick to one thread -- easier for people to follow you.
After a few weeks of not being able to get her to change her mind and take me back I looked on her computer and discovered the OM - that was violating her trust.
Wait a cotton pickin' minute...buddy.
You violated her trust??! Nuh, nope. It's the other way around. She violated YOUR trust by stepping out of your R and acquiring OM. To be clear, you have done nothing to violate her trust at all.
Absolutely agree with Wonka. It isn't unreasonable to take due steps, based on suspicions, to ensure that your boundaries aren't being violated. You took those steps and they were.
I think the only times this kind of behaviour becomes unreasonable are when you do that kind of thing all the time with no grounds for suspicion. Don't buy in to her perception of this.
I would think very carefully about entering into marriage.....and would firmly backtrack on any potential proposal until or unless you are absolutely satisfied that things are resolved. That isn't likely to be any time soon would be my guess.
Keep reading and posting, and take care of yourself :-)
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
I would think very carefully about entering into marriage.....and would firmly backtrack on any potential proposal until or unless you are absolutely satisfied that things are resolved. That isn't likely to be any time soon would be my guess.
AGREE 150%!! You did nothing wrong! Obviously something was off or you would not have to check the computer! It's intel! Good for you!! This is just my opinion, but you 2 are not married! This is no way to start a marriage. I would be cutting all ties and saying adios!! Have a good life! But that is just me.
Me:44 EXW 44 Wonderful Children M11, T14 BD 6/14 OM Confirmed Divorce Final 2/25/16 "It works if you work it!"
I sent her a validation letter, while pointing out her behavior hurt me. She wrote back that she sees how her actions really hurt me. She explained that while it's not much better, she planned to break up with me before she met him. She kept it an EA while we were still living together despite his advances (from what I saw it all checks out).
I still want to try to get her back (if she does it again, then shame on me). So what's my next step? Do I email her back and keep validating (I totally see how I neglected her feelings for 1.5 years)? Do I tell the OM's spouse to get him out of the picture?
