MattDad, this is my take on all of this and the possible reconciliation.
1. No contact with OM at all. Every cell phone can have numbers rejected same with texts, set it up on her phone. Put an app on that shows what she is up to as well, call/text/web monitoring. If she balks, threaten to walk. She needs to gain your trust, you don't need to gain hers.
2. STD tests all the way around.
3. Crisis counseling would probably be a good step as well.
4. GPS monitoring in her vehicle. You can buy a device for under 50 bucks that will give you all the data you need. You can do it off of her phone as well. Remember, she has to prove herself to you, not the other way around.
5. The OM, call him and tell him he is finished with her. Tell him that your wife gave you all of his info and you will be more than happy to forward it to his wife, family, friends co-workers, etc. Make her write him a letter or email telling him the affair is over.
6. Passwords. Demand all of her passwords for everything.
And remember, if she balks you walk. Simple as that. Because in the end, wouldn't it be nice to know that you can't trust her now when she is on her best behavior as opposed to going through this again in a few years?
Me: 38 W: 32 S10 D6 T: 10 (02/2004) M: 7 (12/2007) Separation 02/2015 OM confirmed 01/2015, D mentioned 12/2014 D finalized 9/2016
OM has told her he wants to build her a house, and let her stay home full time. He wants to spoil, and pamper her forever, and the whole 9 yards. Ive just been a stay at home daddy. She basically sees me as her best friend, who gives her orgasms.
She wants to keep coming around me for sex, and him for money. He is rich, and I have nothing. I had thrown all my eggs into this basket, and it was a mistake evidently. She says OM is willing (or so he says) to foot the bill. He thinks she is this clean, pure woman. He don't know that shes slept with over 20 dudes. SHe likes all that. All I am, or ever was was a babysitter, and a hard body to use.
I cant compete with the income. That's the cold hard truth of it. Thank you all for your support, and advice(which I failed to follow) during this nightmare. Yall are the closest thing I have to family.
Mattdad, the OM is a drug. You can't do anything about it. No matter how badly you want to change her mind, convince her that things can be better, etc, it won't do any good.
GAL man, read the books, follow the rules. Believe me, this will fizzle out. It always does.
Me: 38 W: 32 S10 D6 T: 10 (02/2004) M: 7 (12/2007) Separation 02/2015 OM confirmed 01/2015, D mentioned 12/2014 D finalized 9/2016
Im ok rd500 thanks for asking. We don't have any STDs, and Im in the best shape Ive ever been in. I aint really had a lot to say on here, because Its just so confusing, and honestly embarrassing.
Hi mate. Don't be embarrassed , you can only control what you do not what W does. I would encourage you to keep posting because there a great people on here who can offer fantastic and very useful advice
You are dealing with a lot and you and your kids come first. W has serious issues that need to be addressed
Agreed. We all deal with the hurt in our own ways. Ive posted about how I cried watching the Avengers 2 a week or so after the separation started. Like, in the theater.
Theres nothing to be embarrassed about. All we can do is learn from the past and look to the future.
I cried in public Saturday... Not proud of it but not ashamed either!
Me 34, XF 27 Many years together Son 4 Engaged Not engaged Many false starts by XF 7/16 new girlfriend comes into my life 2/17 girlfriend moves in my home
Im passed the point of crying and breaking down. The embarrassment comes from knowing what I know about the woman I married. More importantly the embarrassment comes from not doing the steps this great site instructs me to do. Posting is just gonna leave yall frustrated with me for not following the rules of DBing.
The divorce is now "pending" for the next 16 months. Meanwhile I have come back home. She begged me to. When I got here 3 days ago she cried, and hugged me, and said she felt so much safer now. That it finally feels like home again. Then I see on her phone later that day that she is STILL contacting OM. They talked for 15 minutes the same night I came home.
I was living with my sister for more than a month, and she COULDNT stay away from me. She came over every day, and begged me to come home. I would tell her I couldn't as long as she had ANY connection to ANY OM. She said he was going back to his W, and that it was over. It was evidently another lie.
Im passed the point of crying and breaking down. The embarrassment comes from knowing what I know about the woman I married. More importantly the embarrassment comes from not doing the steps this great site instructs me to do. Posting is just gonna leave yall frustrated with me for not following the rules of DBing.
I understand. I was just giving an example to show that there's really nothing to be embarrassed about here. We're all humans. We all slip sometimes. There more you post, the more help we can offer. At a time like this, we all need all of the help we can get.
Originally Posted By: mattdad
Meanwhile I have come back home. I would tell her I couldn't as long as she had ANY connection to ANY OM.
Then I see on her phone later that day that she is STILL contacting OM. They talked for 15 minutes the same night I came home.
So, whats the plan now? You said "I wont come home if you contact OM." She did and is continuing to do so. So now what? How will you earn her respect back?
