Things have continued to move forward with us. We have relationship workbooks that we have been working through and answering questions together.
Our lives have not been stress free though. Her brother is in big trouble and will likely a face lengthy incarceration. I have been helping her and the family out during this situation. Their lives have been turned upside down.
My grandma died a month ago and she was there for me during this turmoil and stress.
She keeps surprising me and showing more action towards her commitment to me and the relationship. We are spending lots of nights together at each other's homes. She has even been coming over and staying the night at my house, even if it is 11:30 at night. This is something that she only did ONCE during our attempts before we got divorced. This has been a big action.
She is making more time for me and the family in her busy schedule. She isn't being demanding and volatile like she had been last year. I'm not walking on egg shells around her, nor do I feel like I have to like I had before. She is bringing up the future a lot. She talks about US when talking of the future. And probably one of the biggest things is that she is laughing all the time. She has not done that in a couple of years and it is obvious now.
I have been trying to use and apply all that I have learned hear and in all of the relationship books I have read. We joke about the 5LL book. She didn't think it was as awesome as I did when I brought up the concepts to her last year. Now she keeps continuously accepting it and noticing it more and more. We even poke fun about it when we do something in each other's love language.
So things seem to slowly be getting better and better. We have talked about living together and what that would look like and be like. She does not want to try it until we have gone through and done the work in one of our relationship books. I told her I will not move in until she makes the effort to make room for me in the closet and bathroom. To me this would be a sign of her commitment to our living together again because she would have to go through he clothes and make some decisions about what to do with some of her stuff. You know, basically being an adult about her wardrobe.
Honestly I think she is realizing that I was not whom she made me out to be and that I was not the cause of all of her troubles and unhappiness in her life. Did I contribute, sure I'm not perfect. Another change she has made is that she is not constantly trying new things or doing EVERYTHING under the sun to occupy her time. She is not running from the life she created. She even dropped a class this fall; it was too much with everything else going on in her life. This is something I never dreamed she would do.
Hope my thread and story can be of some sort of help to those out there on this forum. I know I am no where near the end, but this time it feels like I am not traveling these roads alone, she is there with me. We even take turns leading the way instead of me trying to drag her down the road to reconciliation.
M:34 XW:34 Together: 10y Living: 9y Married: 7y Son:6 Son:4 Separated: 12/28/13 Piecing: 5/2/14 Separated 2nd: 10/16/14 W filed, but pulled it: 11/5/14 papers served: 1/27/15 D final: 3/6/15
man, this is what i needed the past few days. I have been really spinning about what to do now that the w is ready to move after 6 months of in house separation. I want to go dark right now while we are still in the same house. it is very hard but i am open to anything at this point. any pointers?
M 37 W 34
T 12 M 8 D 7 S 4
Need break 4/12/15 W no ring 7/7/15
Separate room 4/12/15 Separate living suggested 8/15 W moved out 11/1/15
gogofo, this is awesome! Thank you so much for sharing this story with us. I need to hear the positives, especially today. Keep up the great work, and I wish you the best!
Thanks again!
35 3 boys Not my circus, not my monkeys anymore....
At the end of it all, all you need is love. As long as she loves you and you love her then everything else is just the noise of life. That noise can be deafening sometimes but can always be worked through until it quiets down and there is calm, happiness, and love. Your journey through this has been amazing to read. Good luck to you and her and your family.
Wow Gogofo...This is good to hear. It gives me some hope in my sitch. You are living proof that D doesn't have to be the end. I will likely be D'd in 2 weeks and i know it will be tough for me emotionally. My WW has not shown any signs of remorse or wanting to R. Any advice or tips on making it through that?
Keep up the good work. You are an imspiration to all LBS's.
Me: 34 W: 30 Together: 11 years Married: 4 years BD: 4/2014 A Discovered: 5/2014 WW Filed: 7/2014 Separated: 8/2014 Divorced: 10/2015
