I thought I'd jump around to try and get as much input as possible, and I thought this forum was appropriate cause for the first time I feel like I can piece this back together.
Me 28, W 26, D6, D13m, neither C are biologically mine. Married 15mo. Seperated 1mo. I have read DB and DR, and recieved alot af good advice from this board (thanks all) We had minor problems from the start on both part, but they escalated further than they should because of the way I dealt with them. Fact is I didn't deal with them, I bottled them up, my anger got worse and I took it out on my family, by totally closing off from them. Total breakdown of communication. W has said that our M was not like a M but like a friendship, and we even lost that in the end. I have worked alot on myself these last few weeks, and I finally like the person I've become. I've set goals, tried to follow through with them and changed my whole outlook on things. But the R didnt get any better, and last weekend W said that we should go our seperate ways, and I probally shouldnt see the girls anymore because it wouldn't be fair. Mostly she was worried that anyone I happen to be with in the future wouldn't be able to handle it and everyone would suffer. (valid points?) It ended with me finally moving all my stuff out on Sunday.
However yesterday W called and apologized for things that were said and done over the weekend. She said everything that has gone on has not let her think about some thing clearly. And after she thought more about what I said she realized it was not right to keep the C from me, and that I could see them when I want as long as I stay consistant. I thanked her and told her that meant alot to me. I also asked her what she felt was consistant. I told her I didnt want to come over too infrequently and make her feel like I was neglecting them and I didnt want to come over too much and smother them. So we needed to work somthing out we both agreed on. I also told her things werent going to be perfect and if she felt I wasnt treating the sitch right she cant assume I'm doing it on purpose or to be mean, she needs to talk to me about it. This was a big 180 for me as far as communication goes and I think it impressed her. We had a very good conversation and I got the impression she didnt want to get off the phone.
I think this is a good step in the right direction. And it suprised me and made me feel very good W said the things she said.
Any advice an hoe to continue to handle this, or some things I should watch out for?
W called to talk about the support papers she needs to get filed and wanted to know how I felt. We argued about it last weekend, but I made it a bigger deal than it really is to me. (backslide) She needs the help and had told me last week she doesn't want anyting from me. But today she wanted to know my feelings and how to handle the sitch. D13mo is leagly mine but not biologically, so leagly I am responsible. I WANT to be responsible, to help. I told her to file the papers and we can take it one step at a time, making the decisions together. I think she has been very impressed with the way I have been acting and communicating with her. Some very positive behavior. She even said ILY in the middle of the conversation.
Its funny, it just hit me, she said she couldn't stant to lose my friendship and that was all she felt for me right now. I told her last weekend that I couldn't do that. That I couldn't not be with her and the girls and still be her friend. It will still be hard but why would she want to be with me if I cant even be her friend? And that is what she wants and needs right now.
