I struggle also with wondering if I can forgive W in the future for everything that has happened. As Zephyr said before, you will eventually for yourself anyway. Its the only healthy way forward.
What helps me is to avoid thinking about it too much right now, forgiveness isn't something you can do overnight, its a long process. Its also very difficult to do when damage is still being done by W.
If/when she comes back she can help with that process, if she does the work. For now focus on you and making yourself the best version of you that you can, then you cross those future bridges as they come.
Accept what is, let go of what was, and have faith in what will be
It would be nice to have a separate section of the forum that is somewhere between the beginning and piecing. I don't feel as though we are in piecing our M back together, because we haven't discussed the R at all really.
I see two different scenarios in Newcomers - those who have S's that are angry, unforgiving, relentless, and having A's - and those, like many of us, who have S's that have come around and are actually being nice and somewhat accommodating - but not quite ready to go full boar into saving/repairing the M.
I'd like to find those who are also in that limbo area...we need to keep each other calm, focused, and patient. I think I tend to get a little over excited when we have good days/weekends, and lose sight of the fact that there are also going to be bad days and situations come up that I don't know how to handle, or start to backslide.
I'm very fortunate that I have a W that is willing to do things with me, and is starting to notice the changes, etc. What I need from my "forum family" now is advice and mutual support to keep things in perspective and remind me that we are not "piecing our M back together", but instead just getting to know each other/dating again.
I think a big reason for this non-existence of the 'limbo' area is the simple fact you really still need to DB right up to that point where your WAS says "I will do whatever it takes to save this marriage" .... otherwise you can easily fall into the 'cake-eat 2015 festival'
I think some feel that during the initial DB phase, that we have to become A-holes ... its much later one realizes that you can DB, place boundaries all while being kind. Its foreign because alot of the DB principles actually ask us to do something that is so opposite from what we would do, from what we have ever done.
I am able to get up in the morning and be ok with not having any contact with him, I even do hours and sometimes half days without even thinking about him so I am proud of that because not too long ago (Mid June) I wasn't able to. My problem is the hurt I have when does something new like the introduction of the new girlfriend to our daughter.....I don't want to hurt anymore or be surprised by what he does.
I'm not sure why, but all day I've had this sick, empty feeling in the pit of my stomach. Like I'm really nervous about something. I know my b day is tomorrow, but that shouldn't matter. My show opens in a week, I have several major deadlines due at work...none of those seem to be the root of it though.
I've been having great weekends/days with my W, my daughter seems happy...
I dont know what's going on, but I don't like this feeling at all. I'm not sad...I'm nervous about something. It's really making me sick today...ugh.
Sick feeling went away after I got some work done. I'm off tomorrow so I'm wondering if I just wasn't anxious to walk out today. Either way, I'm 90% ok again. The 10% is still reserved for the day I get to go home, and my W and D2 will be there smiling.
Not sure if that will ever happen again, but I've dealt with 90% so far. The remaining 10% is in God's hands. I'm not asking much from Him.
I took a few minutes to get caught up on your sitch and I have a question, as our sitches appear to be similar. If you are not sure that the A is over, why do you think it is a good strategy to be spending so much time with your W? I apologize if this question was already addressed previously.
Me:35 W:30 D:4 S:1 Bomb: 01/08/15, discovered EA & PA In House Separation: 01/14/15 W moves out: 04/05/15 I tell OM's W about A: 04/15/15 W serves D papers: 06/19/15 Mediation: 09/16/15 D final: 12/01/15
