My wife told me she wanted out 5 months ago. We have three children and she has not asked me to leave the house. We are in separate bedrooms. I made all of the mistakes In trying to save the marriage that I have now read about on this site. I am trying the 180 but I keep screwing up. I will do well for a few weeks and then try to talk to her about the future which always leads to the same. Me talking to a dead fish. I normally have to walk away. She will not discuss any future plans at all.
I am in limbo. She has not asked me to leave or filed for divorce and I am desperately trying to figure out what's going to happen next. How long can this last? Its been five months and still no clear direction as to where this is going. I want to save my marriage but I am not sure how long I can stay in limbo. Please any advise would be great.
M:39 W:40 S:10 S:7 D:12 BD:3/5/15 Separate BR:3/5/15 W moved out with kids 1/3/16
You may be on moderation now, post in small frequent replies and stay on this thread until you reach 100 posts (for your thread, you can also post on other peoples threads to give support). Especially on this Newcomers forum, where the posting activity is very active, and your posts can quickly fall to the bottom of the page or even several pages down. Keep journaling and asking questions - people will come! Most important - POST!
Get out and Get a Life (GAL). DETACH.
Believe none of what he or she says and half of what he/she does.
Have NO EXPECTATIONS.
Take care of yourself, breathe, eat, sleep, exercise.
Take the parts of this advice that you need and don't worry if I have repeated something that you have already done.
Here are a few links to threads that will help you immensely:
You came to the right place. Now that you are here, start reading through all of those links Cadet posted. Study them, live them, and learn them. Order Divorce Busting and Divorce Remedy, read them. You must detach now. Get.a.Life. You know first hand that pursuing, pleading, begging do not work and turn your wife away. It is time to do the opposite. Right now she doesn't want to talk about a future with you in it. Focus on what you can change and control. You have not mentioned where the relationship veered off? What kind of problems are you having? Do you suspect another man?
Me: 33 W: 30 T - 12 M - 3 K - 0 BD - 6/14/15 Moved out - 6/14/15
Sorry you find yourself here, but you are in good company and will get some really great advice.
Can you tell us more about your W and why she wants out? Also, can you share your ages, how long you have been M, etc like in my signature. You can add signature in my stuff/edit profile.
BW
Me: 42 H: 40 M: 12 H moved out - 8/2015 I filed - 8/2015
Don't think about how long you can live in limbo. Think about whether you can make it through the next MINUTE in limbo. Then, when that's done, think about whether you can live the NEXT minute in limbo. You have no idea what next week or next month holds on this journey, so try not to focus on them.
You can do it.
Last edited by Matt777; 07/09/1508:16 PM. Reason: Can't type
She says that I have not been emotional supportive, I haven't helped with the children enough, haven't helped enough with the housework, chores. I have always been the outdoor maintenance guy and she handled all the indoor stuff. I admit that I have been self involved with work and hobbies but I didn't think it was this much of a problem. She is turning 40 next on the 18th of this month and I think this may have something to do with it. I am 39. We have always been best friends and now she barely talks to me. This is killing me and I cant seem to stick to the 180. I keep slipping back and trying to fix it too fast. Since I've started the 180 my kids have really taken notice and have been treating me completely different (in a good way). We are spending a great deal of time together and This seems to push her farther away. She has always spent more time on the phone with her sister than talking to me but now its ridiculous. I hope this information helps. I'm desperate.
M:39 W:40 S:10 S:7 D:12 BD:3/5/15 Separate BR:3/5/15 W moved out with kids 1/3/16
I don't think there is another man. She comes straight home from work and rarely goes out. She is on the phone constantly but with her sister most of the time. Like most husbands this came out of the blue but looking back I should have seen the signs. I suspect a midlife crisis of previous menopause but I'm not sure.
M:39 W:40 S:10 S:7 D:12 BD:3/5/15 Separate BR:3/5/15 W moved out with kids 1/3/16
We have been married 16 years. I'm 39 and she is turning 40 on the 18th of july. She wanted a trip to see her sister for her birthday so I made arangement for her. I'm not sure if that was the right thing to do but I'm trying to do anything to make her happy at this point
M:39 W:40 S:10 S:7 D:12 BD:3/5/15 Separate BR:3/5/15 W moved out with kids 1/3/16
