I was having EA on my smartphone at work. BD 5/2/15 by me exw who had been given a chat profile I was using by our D15 who found it and showed her. Then blew it all up by sending to me and my W with a long rant about if you are going to cheat don't do it with a public profile. Didn't know that it linked to my phone,all it ever asked for was email.Had ended it. Deleted the program 3 weeks earlier,and was working on myself and my marriage to ensure it would never happen again.
W moved out with her D15 and our Twin D1 on June 15th. Until this point we were still sleeping in same bed. She wanted to separate and live as friends and raise our blended family.Huge arguments over the weekend prior and refusing to be yelled at and confronted I shut down and became hurtful and mean, basically telling her to make good on threats of leaving and get out.
She filed day after she moved out.
She is living with her brother in their spare bedroom. 4 of them.
Says she doesn't trust anyone. Thinks our whole marriage is a lie. Told me she could never forgive or forget. Never getting another chance.she gave me another chance before almost 5 years ago. She could never let go of talking to the woman I had been having phone conversations with and brought it up constantly.
I am working on GAL. Seeing my twins every other day so I see W every other day. Stopped calling, return her call. She is texting me now about being sad about all the work we put in our marriage and having nothing to show for it. She can't find a place, can't work full-time due to daycare costs.
I feel horrible for what I have put her through. I want to save my marriage and am not sure how to tell what is a positive sign other than we aren't arguing. All we are talking about is the kids.
Me:35 W:37; S17 D15 D15 D1 D1 M:9 years T:11 BD 5/2/15 W moved out with her D15 our D1 D1 6/15/16 W filed for divorce 6/19/15 W moved back in 7/11/15
You may be on moderation now, post in small frequent replies and stay on this thread until you reach 100 posts (for your thread, you can also post on other peoples threads to give support). Especially on this Newcomers forum, where the posting activity is very active, and your posts can quickly fall to the bottom of the page or even several pages down. Keep journaling and asking questions - people will come! Most important - POST!
Get out and Get a Life (GAL). DETACH.
Believe none of what he or she says and half of what he/she does.
Have NO EXPECTATIONS.
Take care of yourself, breathe, eat, sleep, exercise.
Take the parts of this advice that you need and don't worry if I have repeated something that you have already done.
Here are a few links to threads that will help you immensely:
I am keeping strong. Acting happy. Then i get texts like this.I will not continue to just live with family. The girls and I need our space and in order for me to provide that I will have to work full time. I want a logical solution to this and if you say not my problem I will explain to you why it very much is OUR problem.how do i respond to that
Me:35 W:37; S17 D15 D15 D1 D1 M:9 years T:11 BD 5/2/15 W moved out with her D15 our D1 D1 6/15/16 W filed for divorce 6/19/15 W moved back in 7/11/15
Just keep POSTING and one other bit of advice from Wonka that I totally agree with.
Originally Posted By: Wonka
Get DR/DB book. Keep this to yourself. DO NOT share this book or this site at all with your spouse. It is your playbook and not to be shared with the "opposing" team.
It is important to clear the search/browsing history from your computer on a daily basis to prevent the possibility for your WAS to stumble on the DB site and discover your posts here on DB. Erasing the search history will protect your posts and you as well.
We have seen too many Marriages blow up in pieces after the WAS discovers the DB site or DR book. Why is that? It is because the WAS thinks, erroneously I might add, that you are "manipulating" them back into the M.
Keep the DR book and DB site very close to your vest.
Thanks Cadet. I have both. Read througg db. Am working on dr. I see many characteristics of a ww as well in response to th BD. Going out at 8pm coming home at 530am. Not caring about the babies and just leaving.
Me:35 W:37; S17 D15 D15 D1 D1 M:9 years T:11 BD 5/2/15 W moved out with her D15 our D1 D1 6/15/16 W filed for divorce 6/19/15 W moved back in 7/11/15
I am keeping strong. Acting happy. Then i get texts like this.I will not continue to just live with family. The girls and I need our space and in order for me to provide that I will have to work full time. I want a logical solution to this and if you say not my problem I will explain to you why it very much is OUR problem. how do i respond to that
Your responses have to be with Actions not Words.
Can I ask why you had an EA? What are you doing to FIX that part of yourself?
Your marriage did not break overnight and is not going to be fixed unless you do a lot of very hard work.
How can you be the BEST DAD possible? What are things you can DO to show that?
The only answer I would give is to VALIDATE her feelings and requests. Anything else will not work.
I have already started to detach hopeful, only responding to things about pur 5 kids and not calling. Acting like i am over it, and moving on like everything is perfectly fine.currently see her every other day though because of my twins.
Me:35 W:37; S17 D15 D15 D1 D1 M:9 years T:11 BD 5/2/15 W moved out with her D15 our D1 D1 6/15/16 W filed for divorce 6/19/15 W moved back in 7/11/15
I was looking for the attention that was missing as she withdrew from everything. She said she gave up months ago. Even asked me if I wanted to get a girlfriend at one point. All after the babies were born and she went back to work. Then withdrew was on Facebook constantly and wouldn't engage me in conversation when we were together.
I am in marriage counseling with my pastor dealing with my infidelity. Stopped porn all together for 11 weeks now. Even before all of this. We were intimate sexually every day up till the BD.
Being the best dad possible right now is seeing my babies as much as I can and still seeing and loving my SD15 who I have raised for last 10 years as my own. Doing as many things as I can with them and making it about family. Not the situation. Being on time for exchanges, not causing problems.
I want to save this marriage more than I have wanted to do anything in my life.
Me:35 W:37; S17 D15 D15 D1 D1 M:9 years T:11 BD 5/2/15 W moved out with her D15 our D1 D1 6/15/16 W filed for divorce 6/19/15 W moved back in 7/11/15
