New marriage over pt2--help she's filing this week

[Aj8]

Here's my first thread
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2585153&page=1

So I tested my wife today Bc my parents dog died and she loved the dog too .

I get a cold response :
Her:
That's sad. Sorry to hear that. I don't mean to bring this up now but I'm going to be filing soon, probably this week. And I need to go to the house on Friday to get some more clothes. So if we can coordinate not running into each other that would be best. I'll move all my stuff out after my final exam on August 10th. I want to wait so I can be home with the cats since I'm getting a week off in August.

I said ok whenever she wants Friday and then she texts
Her: I will let you know on Thursday. It depends on if they give me Friday off from clincials. Also, I would like the ring back since it is my property.

I'm baffled at the coldness and now what ??!

[Aj8]

*texted not tests

[asitis]

Give her what she wants. She'll do it anyway. Who knows what she is expecting from you, but being friendly and focused on your life, is probably not one of them.

Don't text her on things like the dog she loved dying. It is one of those things she would find out eventually, and if she complains that you didn't let her know, tell her that she asked for space and want out of the M, so you were respecting her wishes. It will drive home that she will be out of your life if she keeps on the course. Also, it may have reminded her that she wanted to file and alert you, and that might have slipped a bit had you not contacted. You want the time, so give her the space and avoid initiating contact.

On dealing with Friday, just take it as something not unexpected, keep detached, but friendly. Think of her as a not-too-close friend. Focus on your GAL, and you will likely surprise her with how well you are handling this and that you aren't fighting her escape. Best way to get her thinking about what she is doing and the implications.

Good luck.

[ILYNOT]

It amazes me how quickly they want to move things along, but hang in there, I agree with asitis, keep detached and hang in there! The dynamics will change eventually!

[Aj8]

Asitis yeh I didn't know if I should tell her but thought she should know , she was such a caring wife with a big heart didn't expect such cold responses...:( so yeh when she texts on Friday she doesn't want me home so I'll be cordial and won't be home when she comes to pick up more of her stuff . Also What do I do about the ring , it's a lot of money.

[Aj8]

Thanks guys I don't see the dynamics changing she's stuck to her word , has fully detached from me and is going forward quickly with the divorce . I honestly don't see anything that can be done she's made up her mind...

[ILYNOT]

did she buy you the ring?

There are laws regarding who gets the ring if one partner fails to fulfill the promise of marriage, look into it, google it.

Remember that a divorce is simply a piece of paper (it is hard to accept but its the truth), she is going through a lot of emotions, self doubts, etc. Give her the space she needs, she is still going to do what she wants anyways.

[Aj8]

I bought it . Yeh I googled it seems in California and most states it's her ring once we're married , if she broke off an engagement then it would have been mine. It's a big money hit I'll lose but I just want her back , but honestly she's hurting me with her coldness, and even reading DR and the board , I honestly don't see anything that will save my marriage .

[Aj8]

And yeh these three weeks I only texted her today and she texts me only to talk about getting her stuff and filing the divorce papers. Nothing I can do

[PigPen]

That's a shot to gut Aj. No other way to view it. It's times like this when I pull up Sandi's rules and read the one about not giving up hope no matter how dark things appear.

Life's funny, things change. Or they workout for the best and you just don't know it at the time.

Hang in there, we're thinking of you.