BD 1/15 - W moves out same day, within a month has taken off ring and changed name (not legally) but is undecided on D. Ends up moving to another city an hour away.
PP goes into 12 step program, therapy, and leaves country for two months - NC during this time. Finds DB and DB Coach. Thankfully.
As of 6/11/15 - W states that "filing and finalizing" needs to be considered in the next few months, but there's "no rush". Decision on who takes the dog needs to be dealt with too.
Currently both "open to communication but not reaching out unnecessarily"
M 39 W 36 T5 M3 BD - 1/15 Separated - Same Day Served 9/15 D finalized 6/17
Had a great call with my DB coach this morning who pointed out that my W was possibly testing (in his opinion) me in our conversation by saying we need to start thinking about filing for D.
When I stuck to my 180 and told her that filing wasn't what I wanted but I wouldn't get in the way of her doing what she thought was healthiest for her, she immediately added a few months to the timeline of it.
He explained that that was the test. Pre DB PigPen would have asked W a bunch of questions re: why she wanted to file and then made logical and emphatic points as to why she was wrong about each one of her answers. With the hope being that if I could just get her to see how wrong she was she'd come to her senses and not file.
As shown in the last post of my old thread, my natural inclination was even to call her the next day and ask if this was how she really felt. Instead I listened to V and STFU'ed.
Many thanks to V, for the reminder.
It's starting to dawn on me how much real work DB'ing is to take to your core and really let it change you. And thus the gift of time to allow those changes to take root and not just be intellectual ideas.
GAL activities for the weekend - work in the morning, gym after that, sleep over meditation group Sat night/Sun a.m.
As I'm passing through W's town on my way home my DB Coach recommended reaching out to see if about a quick visit on the way home - we have not seen each other in 2 1/2 months.
I'll post the text I want to send tomorrow for input if someone would be so kind as to chime in.
M 39 W 36 T5 M3 BD - 1/15 Separated - Same Day Served 9/15 D finalized 6/17
Pgp, Nice work on sticking with your plan. I'm sure it was tempting but you did well to resist the urge to return to pre-DB Pigpen. Looks like V's advice was spot on. Keep up the good work!
Me:35 W:30 D:4 S:1 Bomb: 01/08/15, discovered EA & PA In House Separation: 01/14/15 W moves out: 04/05/15 I tell OM's W about A: 04/15/15 W serves D papers: 06/19/15 Mediation: 09/16/15 D final: 12/01/15
Proposed text: hopefully Wonka catches wind of this.
Hi W, I'll be driving through (town) on Sunday after the seminar and would love to stop in for 5 minutes to see you and hug (dog). We should be let out at around 11am. Please let me know.
Any thoughts? She knows I'll be in her area after our conversation this week.
Thank you!
M 39 W 36 T5 M3 BD - 1/15 Separated - Same Day Served 9/15 D finalized 6/17
Havent had the chance to read your old threae but thanks for posting V's reminder....it's a timely reminder for me as well. Pre-DB I used to do that a lot too. Mind reading and would never STFU! It took so much effort to a 180 on that but I'm slowly but surely becoming better at it.
That quick visit is a good idea, just remember not to bring up R. Went for a 'date' with exH 2 wks ago and the kind souls on this forums reminded me NOT to bring up R. I didn't and exH and I had so much fun..he's asking me out again tonight.
I appreciate your kind words. I'm in this for the long haul and trust what we're all learning here. It's just hard to undue 30 some odd years of conditioning.
M 39 W 36 T5 M3 BD - 1/15 Separated - Same Day Served 9/15 D finalized 6/17
Havent had the chance to read your old threae but thanks for posting V's reminder....it's a timely reminder for me as well. Pre-DB I used to do that a lot too. Mind reading and would never STFU! It took so much effort to a 180 on that but I'm slowly but surely becoming better at it.
That quick visit is a good idea, just remember not to bring up R. Went for a 'date' with exH 2 wks ago and the kind souls on this forums reminded me NOT to bring up R. I didn't and exH and I had so much fun..he's asking me out again tonight.
All the best to you PP!
Thank you as well for your kindness Arleen, I have no thoughts what so ever of bringing up R, or our old M. I just want to give her a hug, see my dog, and let her see the clarity in my eyes that was unfortunately missing for so many years that she's known me.
I'm glad that your date was successful and hope that you're on the road to healthy reconnection!
M 39 W 36 T5 M3 BD - 1/15 Separated - Same Day Served 9/15 D finalized 6/17
Proposed text: hopefully Wonka catches wind of this.
"Hi W, I'll be driving through (town) on Sunday after the seminar and would love to stop in for 5 minutes to see you and hug (dog). We should be let out at around 11am. Please let me know."
Any thoughts? She knows I'll be in her area after our conversation this week.
Thank you!
Just want to bump this for any input on reaching out to my W today.
Thank you.
M 39 W 36 T5 M3 BD - 1/15 Separated - Same Day Served 9/15 D finalized 6/17
