Next thing will be music when kids are in middle school! I believe that music is so helpful with development and maturity as well. I plan to keep busy and try to steer my kids into activities that I believe will help them mature and explore possibilities.
I am grateful I can do that for them and want to do that with them. I have a new boss coming on board and I will work those times into my schedule - fingers crossed.
I will do that - I will be careful to ask if she has valid point and move forward.
However, anytime I ask my kids if they want to try a new sport, eat something new, enroll in a class, anything new - the answer is always NO. That's why I just do it and say give it a chance.
Sometimes they like it, sometimes they don't. I am the parent and will do what feels right for me.
I recommend checking with your L to find out what judges like to see regarding phone calls. Personally, I'm kinda with you on thinking she doesn't need to disrupt yer time with the kids and disrupt the kids. But, would a judge think that was interfering with their relationship with the other parent. Idk.
I say just give her whatever a judge would approve of, according to your L. Of course she won't agree with whatever you decide. I think she's sometimes trying to find stuff to vex you and when you try to make a healthy, reasonable boundary, she says you are controlling her. My H is doing the same right now.
Last edited by DJin; 06/13/1503:19 AM.
M: 16y 3 adult kids, 2 young kids H filed D May/15, no svc yet Do I not destroy my enemies when I make them my friends? ~ Abe Lincoln WAKE UP. WORK HARD. FORGIVE. REPEAT.
I ran it by my L and he said don't worry about it. I give her regular and expected contact with my stbx - I am never late with drop offs or pick up. I know she loves the kids and they love her. I know they benefit from regular contact with her which I ensure she gets.
I just don't like being bullied on my time.
If she complains, I just say "yes this is what divorce is - it stinks and we lose half of our kids lives."
Sounds good. I think that's the best thing to say.
If yer L isn't worried about the details of it, I see no problem setting whatever parameters work for you. It IS a big downside to D that we no longer have the other parent's ear and heart when making even small decisions. She's gonna need to learn that. She'll flip out and manipulate about it, but you'll have to just tell yourself that's all totally normal in a D.
At least she misses the kids. Some spouses in crisis just want to get away so bad they totally ditch the kids. And that's harder for the kids, imo. I don't think that means she needs to call them all the time....that seems like manipulation to me....but it is best for the kids that she's still interested in them.
I think non-chalance will be your friend here. You can just make a rule about phone time and how long it lasts before bed time. Or, if the tone of her calls, carrying on about how much she misses them, etc, is upsetting to the kids, and your L says it isn't a problem, then just ignore her calls. Sounds to me like she's turning inside out to find ways to force you to pick up the phone for her.
M: 16y 3 adult kids, 2 young kids H filed D May/15, no svc yet Do I not destroy my enemies when I make them my friends? ~ Abe Lincoln WAKE UP. WORK HARD. FORGIVE. REPEAT.
I wanted to thank you for your posts. I think of all the posts about what has transpired in my situation, your intepretation resonates as the truth the most. That is comforting to me, so thank you for that.
For a long time, I thought all of this mess was my fault. I now realize that it is not about me. It's her issues and her journey. I just carry on with my life and try to keep my kids a priority.
I hope she finds what she is looking for, I sincerely do.
