A little closure

[peacetoday]

I posted a video of my son on FB and my Ex SIL messaged me

First message from his SIL in Years
she says-
So nice to see the children growing up so well despite the absence of their father ( her brother)
She went on to say she was sorry XH couldn't be their for His kids and he was not able to turn his life around . and he had a rough upbringing.

first message I got regarding ex in a few years

I thanked her and I did not ask anything about him
Just said I too wish him the best..end of story

But I felt closure
she apologized for XH
It brought me peace
I continue to let go
obviously my XH is not done yet..

[NLW]

Peace,

I think this is so important for us. A validation that someone else can understand the hurt and difficulty that we have had to endure.

I'm not sure why it matters so much to me... but I know I still get angry when people don't seem to 'get' the extent of the trauma and hardship that my kids and I have been through.

I'm so glad that your Ex SIL contacted you in this way and that you experienced some closure.

[beatrice]

I agree, - external validation of us is important in helping us to re-discover our full self worth. Taking us forward

There does come a time when we become whole again, and it doesn't matter any more, but it is a long road.

I agree it is a pity that the extent of the trauma is not understood generally. Nor is the fact that we are dealing with a person (the MLCer) who displays many of the traits of a full blown sociopath.

[NLW]

"we are dealing with a person (the MLCer) who displays many of the traits of a full blown sociopath."

Yes, this is it... I'd not been able to formulate quite what it was that I found so disturbing about not receiving understanding/validation from others.

But this is the nub of the issue. And no-one, aside from those who've been through it themselves, seems to understand.

It's not just "oh well, you two have split up. Move on; get over it"

Peace's SIL seems to understand that it was something much more than this.

[beatrice]

I think when you know someone really well you realise how 'off' they are. I find the expression of explanation 'people change' extremely unhelpful!! Not like that they don't, as a rule.

[peacetoday]

Im not sure either what it seemed to MEAN so much to me but it did

Maybe it was the closure I needed to close the door
I dod not have to wonder what happened
she clearly said, she wished he could have turned his life around

IDK but Im letting go of any expectations to ever talk with him again
at this point it no longer matters I wish him well
I no longer need anything from him

Thanks for your words!