So here is my new thread. About 4 weeks ago my h came to me and told me he wants to come back home. We had some very private and heart felt talks. He's still with the ow. He says things are complicated and doesn't know how to brake it off with her. Well what about me. Why am I coming in 2nd place. I have forgotten how to act in the last 4 weeks. I'm so emotional. I'm walking around like a chicken without a head. I'm fighting to get him back but my strategy isn't working. I need a new strategy and quick. He's been coming home once or twice a week now. I love him and want this m to work out. PLEASE Help Me WITH Suggestion ideas, advice. Anything. I have been gal. Going out with my friends to dinner. Taking kids places. Rearranging the house. I'm trying to detach but I can't.
Hi Depress, I think you wanting him back so desperately may be preventing you from doing those very things that may bring him back. Those things things include him seeing you as a self-respecting person who won't be a plan B, who is setting clear boundaries and is prepared to move forward/on alone if needs be.
My advice would be to stop the panicky thinking about losing him, pick up your chicken head, put it firmly on and start moving forward. Really ask yourself - why would I want to be with someone who is emotionally enmeshed with someone else? Do I value myself so little? Why is that, and what can I do about it? How can I work on my love for myself and my own inner joy?
I would love to see your posts in the near future putting your sitch, him and OW to one side for now - and purely focusing on you and your family. Working on your own strength and issues, and building your own resilience with treatment and support if needed. If you think about it - if he comes back when you are at a low ebb - and you accept him back because you fear losing him - what kind of foundation does that lay for your future relationship? Probably not a great one.
Whereas if you work on yourself and become happy within yourself, and he decides to return, and you think - really think - about whether YOU want to give HIM another chance, given the awful betrayal that has happened, that's a much healthier place to be. And the joy of all this is that you can control all of the things I am posting about.
Please draw yourself up with the greatest self-pride, self-love and the straightest spine, and really start moving forward, knowing that your DB friends are always here to help and support.
(((Depress)))
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
You really don't want him back right now. Focus on yourself. I made that mistake approx four years ago. I let me H come back without working on himself and myself. And now, we are separated. And I am still having some trouble working on myself. I have good days and I have bad days. Take this time for yourself and discover what makes you happy.
Thanks so much for your support. When I'm here I feel so much calmer. But you are right. Time to work on me. I need to show my self I can be happy with or without him. I need to learn to be ok with out him. Cadet I have a hard time with boundaries. I'm worried he'll stop paying rent and bills. What if he stops coming around. I'm always worring.
Me 34 H 33 Married 2006 S5 D2 BD Jan 2015 EA/PA He moved out 2/2/2015 Came back 5/2015 Filed divorce papers 8/21/2015
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