What just happened? Kramer's journey continues

[Kramer]

Anybody know how to get Starsky, sandi, or Mr Bond involved?

[Bob723]

I'm not gonna lie. A tiny part of me wanted to say "I told you so" to her, but of course I didn't.

Hi Kramer,

Good for you. If you had said that, who knows how many steps back your R would've taken? I'm so glad you took the high road.

You asked a question I've often wondered: "Anybody know how to get Starsky, sandi, or Mr Bond involved?" Hopefully, when they have time, they'll check in on your sitch and comment on your continuing journey.

You're a man of integrity, don't ever change that! Please stay strong and do not pursue her, okay?

Take care.

Bob

[Kramer]

Nope, no pursuit. I didn't contact her all day. She sent a few superficial texts to me this evening and I waited about an hour to respond. She just texted me again to tell me that I suck at texting because I take so long to respond. That is by design. I don't want to seem TOO available, and want her to wonder what I'm up to. Hopefully that's a good strategy.

[Defacto]

Nope, no pursuit. I didn't contact her all day. She sent a few superficial texts to me this evening and I waited about an hour to respond. She just texted me again to tell me that I suck at texting because I take so long to respond. That is by design. I don't want to seem TOO available, and want her to wonder what I'm up to. Hopefully that's a good strategy.

Haha. I'm the same way about replying to STBX's texts. I think that's a good strategy. Don't want them to think we are sitting by our phone waiting for their breadcrumbs...even though we kind of are LOL. Just goes to show how much more work I need to do to detach. Keep up the good work, Kramer.

[Burger]

Anybody know how to get Starsky, sandi, or Mr Bond involved?

I've often thought I need some kind of a Bat Signal for them.

[Kramer]

I did make an interesting observation. During our conversation, she told me that she is embarrassed about our divorce, and that she hasn't told anybody at work. She also said that she still wears her ring all the time. I know for a fact that she has told people at work about us, and the recent pictures I have seen of her do not show her wearing a ring.

None of this means anything by itself, but it does show that she is not to be believed, and that I must be wary.

[NDY]

Hi Kramer, hope you are well and don't mind me dropping by. My WW not only doesn't wear her rings any more but she brazenly tells everyone she's in a 'new relationship'. I think you are lucky my friend.
Peace.

[HeavyD]

I would be wary Kramer.

[sandi2]

I give you credit for trying to stay level headed about this last turn of events. I also know you are hoping this is a good sign. Bear in mind that she pretty much got dumped by OM and her ego is hurting badly. She knows if she turns to good ole Kramer, he will tell her how wonderful she really is, and he will want her even if OM doesn't. In so many words, you told her what she wanted to hear......even saying you would not describe her in the words OM used.

All in all, you didn't screw up too badly. You need to play it really cool right now, or she'll hurt you again. She was looking for an ego shot and you gave her one. Your biggest problem at the moment is not allowing yourself to start blowing this out of proportion and believing she's ready to reconcile. Instead of assuring her, it would be better (if she does this again) to just listen and if she seems to be pushing you, tell her you need time to think about things.

If you start acting excited/happy, she'll pull away. If you start pursuing, she's gone. Don't make it too easy for her, b/c she has to work to get you back again. Otherwise, you will go through this again, IMO.

I have to go for now, but I saw where you thought detaching was similar to

Really GAL big time, now. Do not try getting closer, or any of that stuff. She was reacting out of her emotions. If she meant what she said about being sorry, time will prove it. Her words have been said by many insincere WW's. Yes, she's made a mess of things, but how remorseful is she for the pain she's caused you and the destruction around her (including the M).

[Kramer]

I give you credit for trying to stay level headed about this last turn of events. I also know you are hoping this is a good sign. Bear in mind that she pretty much got dumped by OM and her ego is hurting badly. She knows if she turns to good ole Kramer, he will tell her how wonderful she really is, and he will want her even if OM doesn't. In so many words, you told her what she wanted to hear......even saying you would not describe her in the words OM used.

All in all, you didn't screw up too badly. You need to play it really cool right now, or she'll hurt you again. She was looking for an ego shot and you gave her one. Your biggest problem at the moment is not allowing yourself to start blowing this out of proportion and believing she's ready to reconcile. Instead of assuring her, it would be better (if she does this again) to just listen and if she seems to be pushing you, tell her you need time to think about things.

If you start acting excited/happy, she'll pull away. If you start pursuing, she's gone. Don't make it too easy for her, b/c she has to work to get you back again. Otherwise, you will go through this again, IMO.

I have to go for now, but I saw where you thought detaching was similar to

Really GAL big time, now. Do not try getting closer, or any of that stuff. She was reacting out of her emotions. If she meant what she said about being sorry, time will prove it. Her words have been said by many insincere WW's. Yes, she's made a mess of things, but how remorseful is she for the pain she's caused you and the destruction around her (including the M).

Sandi,

You don't know how happy I am that you came by and commented on my thread. You offer such a unique perspective, and I really want to do the right things here.

You are right in that I provided an ego boost. I knew that even as I was doing it, but I was trying to avoid any R talk with her. I tried to validate without pursuing, and remained upbeat. I guess my big question is how to handle things differently without coming across as cold and indifferent, IF the opportunity presents itself.

Keep in mind that we are living separately and have no children together. Other than occasional financial issues, there is no reason for us to communicate or see each other. I have a lawyer who is handling divorce proceedings, and my financials are due any day. After that, I'm not sure what happens next.

If she calls crying again, do I just let her cry? What do I say? How will I know that she is sincere?

Also, I think your response regarding detachment may have got cut off. I am trying my best, but can always use pointers from the pros.

Again, thank you so much and please check in from time to time if you are able.