Discovered my wifes EA partner from 4 years ago is going to be in town this weekend and she's made it clear she's not going to be in our house this weekend unless she has to be.
I filed D about about a month ago after she said she was planning to, decided I'd made a mistake, but she's made it clear a divorce is what she wanted. She's done with me. I thought she was a WAW at first, but the discovery of her EA partner flying in from out of state has turned this into a case of a WW.
D in process for 1 month.
I'm really upset right now.
Last edited by Winhamn; 05/07/1505:29 PM.
Me: 35 Her (WAW): 34 D8, S5, D2 T:16, M:9 BD + D: 4/3/2015 EA Confirmed 5/6/2015 Separation under the same roof
I'm sure she's acting nice because she doesn't want me to upset her weekend with the affair partner.
That's EXACTLY right.
She's been priming and primping for this weekend likely for a month now (I just read back to your original thread about her working out and buying new clothes).
It's likely this affair never ended and here you are beating yourself up about backsliding on your changes. You never had a chance as long as she remained in contact with OM behind your back.
Is OM married???? Tell his wife. Though I highly doubt it didn't go physical years ago (she sounds like a serial cheater), just in case they haven't yet and THIS is supposed to be the big weekend for them...at least telling the OM's wife might help protect their marriage (or just her) from this actually escalating.
If you do divorce....consider taking OM's deposition and documenting the full relationship over the last several years. Your wife is always going to be vested in making this divorce about you and your behavior. It'd be nice to have documentation that states otherwise.
Also ~~~ North Carolina is a "Alienation of Affection" state. You COULD sue OM for interfering in your marriage. Document this weekend's visit. Google alienation of affection and North Carolina and read up on the law. He was living in that state while using his computer and phone to interfere in your marriage. It might be possible to sue him for his behavior in North Carolina.
The internet is 90% complaining and entitlement and I hate it because I deserve better!
I always hate to bring this up but just on the chance even if it's only a 1% chance I wanted to ask you if you ever considered or wondered if your 2 year old wasn't actually yours????
As much as it pains me to ask that I know that there is a certain percentage of men out there that are unwittingly parenting a child that is not biologically theirs. You are in the divorce process now so knowing this now would be much more beneficial rather than discovering it years from now.
Doesn't mean the child isn't yours, by law. You are and will remain her "dad" (unless you chose not to be and had the ability to remove yourself still by law (many states you only have up to two years to challenge paternity) but the biological truth might vary from what you believe.
I'm sorry for bringing that unpleasantry up.
The internet is 90% complaining and entitlement and I hate it because I deserve better!
A question for you: have you ever given W the "no OM" boundary speech? If not, then now would be a good time to do so.
What specifically are you talking about?
General thought on everyone I've talked to is what do I have to gain by trying to stop this from happening?
She's checked out. She's done.
She's in the lusty, new love stage of an affair. There's no real stopping it.
I have the same question.
My W also acts nice so I don't interfere with her a affair. It's frustrating because I feel that if she was this nice during our M, I wouldn't have avoided her so much. Honestly, if it was for the affair part of this, I like her much better now.
M:42 W:43 T:14 M:10 S:9 D:5 W filed 12/22/14 EA 12/31/14 PA 4/10/15 D final 5/13/15
Winhamm, you prob won't be able to stop it from happening or having it already happen. However, giving the no open marriage boundary is also about you and taking back some respect. It's empowering. Whether that brings her back over time is unknown. Some say it's the first step for their road back.
Regardless, it's about you being matter of fact and no longer letting her feel your silence is you being ignorant or ok with her actions.
Say it loud and then stfu and let your actions handle the rest. Good luck!
M-33 W-33 S-11, S-8 M-11, T-14 BD - 12/26, Divorce Filing and admits to affair (her) 4/18 I moved out 5/23
