Hey Maybell -- just checking on you. Sorry to hear about the work dinner. Is there a way you can avoid looking into those things, as they are likely to be a source of pain? I mean, really, who cares what he's up to -- and you got to have quality time with the kids. I find that NC means (for me) not just not contacting H but also not looking him up online, on Facebook, etc.
I just don't need that in my life. The other bonus is that is drives a narcissist crazy to be ignored. They want to think that we are wallowing in sadness or anger without them. Don't give him the satisfaction. Just get on with your awesome life without him.
M: 43 H: 39 D: 14 Married 15 Together 16 BD: 6/2014 S: 8/2014 OW revealed 10/2014 Instigated dissolution 12/2014, in progress So over it!
I didn't go snooping at all. I was reviewing the finances as I always do and it just popped right out at me. I don't want to know what he's up to and I've just decided to assume that he lies 80% of the time. I never look at his Facebook or anything, and there is even one credit card statement I just hand over unopened, so he has plenty of ways to pull things over on me without it ever coming to light. I had thought that the tiny amount of time he spends with the kids that he actually wanted to see them, though. It was aggravating to find he was willing to do that to THEM.
I did not confront because it would have opened a can of worms I wasn't interesting in dealing with. CAN'T WAIT TILL THIS IS DONE.
Me42, H40 D12, S8, S7 A revealed: 7/13 Sep 4/14; Agreed to D 1/15
Sometimes I feel like STBX is deliberately setting out to kill every scrap of love or good feeling I've ever had for him.
Hello Maybell,
This must be common with STBX's. My W seems to be doing the same thing to me.
Let's hang in there together!
(((((Maybell)))))
I wish you well.
Bob
Me:55 yrs/W:51 yrs (has MS) M:14 yrs T:15 yrs No children together--3 each from previous marriages Wife Moved Out: 10/19/14 Wife Filed for Divorce: 10/20/14 Divorce Final: 10/21/15
Sometimes I feel like STBX is deliberately setting out to kill every scrap of love or good feeling I've ever had for him.
I hear you.
40s 2teens M14Y BD-10/12/13 rec-1/14 BD2-5/14 rec2-9/14 EA disc-10/14 4/15-BD 3 and triangulation ensues Served with D6/15 MS forced to leave7/15 D agreement signed 8/16 final 5/17
You say you checked your regular finances. So this payment was from a joint card. In which case, yes confront.
It's out of order to pay anything other than regular financial bills. That goes for work stuff too. If this 'work dinner' wasn't work and couldn't be put on his work card, the he has to pay cash or put it on another personal card.
That is a boundary. And he must repay the full amount as soon as possible.
If the can is full of worms, they will die one by one in the face of your tough stance.
(Not so) Old Dog xx
M: 57 / EW: 52 T: 21, M: 8 S: 18, S: 15 Bomb: 1 Jun 14 EA Aug 2014 I think PA Feb 2015 possibly sooner
OD, my impression was not that it was about the money, but that it was about STBX asking Maybell to take the kids while he went on a date to a place he never took her. That should be a boundary for sure, but a tough one to enforce for me --see raliced's thread from yesterday.
RPP has it mostly right -- the issue is that he took some floozy out of town and called it a "work dinner" on a night that he was supposed to have the kids. He only has them 4 nights a month plus two hours a week and doesn't call in between. But he made a fuss when I delivered my settlement draft that he wanted enough money to be a "good father." So -- which is it? You want to be a good father? Or you want enough money to take floozies out like a high roller?
Anyway I found a third way and all will be well.
Me42, H40 D12, S8, S7 A revealed: 7/13 Sep 4/14; Agreed to D 1/15
