I calmly said, "Things are different now. You told me that you don't love me any more, you're not interested in working on our marriage, and you had, or are still having, an affair. I think it's probably best if we start doing our own things separately. If we decide to deliberately work on our marriage, things might be different."
No mistakes right there ^^^!
This is the best DB line I've ever seen in all of my years here in DB.
Spectacular job!!
Wow....you're just a mere baby DBer and you're already in the advanced AP class. I am very impressed with how fast you think on your feet.
My W started asking me again about doing things together this weekend. She literally asked me to do about a half dozen different things... and also started talking about doing things together later this summer, etc.
Based on previous posts, some of you may disagree with the approach I took...
I believe deeply that part of being an attractive MAN (and husband) is providing leadership. For this reason, I reiterated the conversation I had with my W a few days ago. This time providing a clear road map forward.
I directly asked her is she was continuing to talk to the OM. She stated that she was in fact still talking to him (contrary to what she previously told me). I explained that I no longer wanted to spend my time with her while she was having an A. I explained that she was free to do whatever she wanted, adding that I was simply explaining my viewpoint.
I explained that whatever happens between us will work itself out in time, adding that this is not about that. I told her that this was about respect, trust, and boundaries. I explained that I no longer wanted to spend my time with someone who was willing to treat me with such blatant disrespect.
I explained that if she wanted to spend time with me in any capacity, she needed to break off all contact with the OM in a transparent way. I also explained that we would need to rebuild trust and respect by creating transparency in our relationship. I told her that we could no longer go forward acting like nothing was wrong. We need to deal with this in a deliberate way.
At the end of our talk, I reminded her that I was not pressuring her to do anything. I reminded her that she was free to do whatever she feels is best for her. I was simply explaining where I was with things. I added if she did not want to break off contact with the OM, that was her choice. I was comfortable moving on with my life by myself.
Based on what I'm seeing and hearing with my W (too much to post everything)... I believe my W is starting to come out of the fog of her A. I also think she is starting to show interest in our marriage again.
I think she has ended the fantasy of a relationship with the OM but thinks she can still maintain a friendship with him. I know she cares about him and she never wants to hurt anyone's feelings (by directly cutting off all contact with the OM).
For these reasons, I had the above talk with my W. I felt like she needed leadership about a clear path forward, leaving no ambiguity.
