I'm back after quite a few years. Last time I used the Divorce Remedy methods on when I was married and we had separated it worked very well, but after a few years many bad things happened and in the end I decided to go on with a divorce. I simply didn't love him any more.
Now I'm in a relationship with a man who lives in a town close to me. We don't live together but has been in a committed relationship for nearly 2 years. And now he suddenly doesn't "feel the same" towards me and not sure if he wants to continue.
I have talked to him, but not pleaded (yet) and tried to keep my calm and not push him to much. He says he want time to think things over, and I'm at a loss, what to do? I asked him if he already had decided that he didn't want to go on with me, he said no. He just wanted time to think things over and wasn't going to be persuaded either way. This was 2 days ago.
Called him yesterday, we talked, and although pleasant, I'm having a hard time not panicking. I don't think it's another woman involved, but today, how could you ever be truly certain. But don't think so anyway..
Please help me, what would you do in my shoes? He has said that he hasn't felt like this long, but still he just doesn't feel the same and he doesn't know why. I need all the help I can get, not sure on what strategy I should have. Any help is truly appreciated and desperately needed.
I love him, and want to try to get things back on track.
Thanks! <3
M: 44 H: 43 ILYBNILWY: 7/4-15 Decided to try to reconnect. "This doesn't work, I have no feelings": 20/4-15 Scheduled "talk" :9/5-15 It's over: 9/5
You may be on moderation now, post in small frequent replies and stay on this thread until you reach 100 posts (for your thread, you can also post on other peoples threads to give support). Especially on this Newcomers forum, where the posting activity is very active, and your posts can quickly fall to the bottom of the page or even several pages down. Keep journaling and asking questions - people will come! Most important - POST!
Get out and Get a Life (GAL). DETACH.
Believe none of what he or she says and half of what he/she does.
Have NO EXPECTATIONS.
Take care of yourself, breathe, eat, sleep, exercise.
Take the parts of this advice that you need and don't worry if I have repeated something that you have already done.
Here are a few links to threads that will help you immensely:
I have read Divorce Remedy, and just a few weeks ago I gave a ton of books to a charity auction and I just couldn't believe it when I realised that the cover of DR had fallen off and I had given it away.. And just a week later, he told me he doesn't feel the same.. :'(
Ordered a new book, but I live in Sweden so it will take a week or so, and at the moment I'm a bit in panic mode..
Thank you again so much for your reply..
M: 44 H: 43 ILYBNILWY: 7/4-15 Decided to try to reconnect. "This doesn't work, I have no feelings": 20/4-15 Scheduled "talk" :9/5-15 It's over: 9/5
He says he want time to think things over, and I'm at a loss, what to do? I asked him if he already had decided that he didn't want to go on with me, he said no. He just wanted time to think things over and wasn't going to be persuaded either way. This was 2 days ago.
He is asking for space, I would give it to him.
STOP calling him, respond only if he contacts you, with short to the point statements.
You can read the first chapter with the links above. Also start doing all the homework I gave you above.
Question for you: why do you want to be with someone who isn't totally in to you? I say that given the fact that you've been seeing each other exclusively but not engaged or living together. To me, dating is all about finding out about each other and if it leads to the commitment, great. But if not, that's great too. I say that because it frees both of you up from the expectation of exclusivity so that you *can* find someone who wants to make things work with you for the long term.
Can you look at it like the butterfly analogy where you let him go and see if he comes back to you? Since you've already experienced divorce before, what did you learn from being here to begin with?
BTW, appreciate your name. My daughter wears his jersey...
Betsey
"There are only 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."
He had kids that lived with us, and he simply didn't take care of their needs what so ever. I tried and tried to get him to stand up and be a father to his children but when he didn't my feelings evaporated.
It was hard to love a man who didn't act like a man..
M: 44 H: 43 ILYBNILWY: 7/4-15 Decided to try to reconnect. "This doesn't work, I have no feelings": 20/4-15 Scheduled "talk" :9/5-15 It's over: 9/5
Well, I guess that my feeling is that you can love someone without being in love with them all the time.. But I thought that we had a relationship that could take a rough patch but maybe I was wrong..
I do however want to see if we can find our way back to all the love we have shared. The fact that we are not living together has with our work situation and not that we don't love each other. Or loved, maybe I should say now.. Maybe I'm the only one who loves at the moment.
From my earlier experience of divorce I've learned that love is a verb and you need to work at it.. I want to, I hope that he will come to the realisation that he also wants that. I just don't know how to best get him to see what we have is something worth fighting for..
I will try to keep the butterfly in mind.. Just very hard at the moment, when I feel so bad when thinking of what I stand to lose.
And as far as my name.. I live in Sweden and here Tulo is a kind of candy. But I googled it now and see that it's an athlete.. Fun!
Thank you for your reply!
M: 44 H: 43 ILYBNILWY: 7/4-15 Decided to try to reconnect. "This doesn't work, I have no feelings": 20/4-15 Scheduled "talk" :9/5-15 It's over: 9/5
Yesterday came and went with no sound of him. He's on a business trip and will back tonight. I'm so praying for a text or call from him when he is on his way home, but don't think I'll get it.
This silence is driving me up the wall. Have read all the threads posted above and think my best bet is to wait, just don't know how long I can stand it.
Isn't the fact that he doesn't reach out to me a sign that he's lost to me? He said he wanted to think for a few days, and that he hadn't decided that he didn't want to be with me. But could this absolute no contact be a way for him to just try and let it all fizzle out?
Every minute is like an hour, my heart is so torn. Any advice from better busters than I is very much appreciated.
M: 44 H: 43 ILYBNILWY: 7/4-15 Decided to try to reconnect. "This doesn't work, I have no feelings": 20/4-15 Scheduled "talk" :9/5-15 It's over: 9/5
