What if H asked why I'm being distant & staying out of the same room with him? Up until this week I was doing a 180 by sitting right next to him instead of doing housework & such. Now staying out of the room. What do I say if he asks? Should I say I'm giving him his space or should I say that you want to be separated?
M40 H38 M13 T15 D10, D8 & S5 (Special Needs) H refuses MC & wants Mediate D BD 3/2/15 & H left, EA 3/15/15, probly PA A Grateful Heart is a Magnet for Miracles! I have decided I will save our Marriage!
Cadet's right. Don't tell him you're giving him space. Don't say "you're the one who wanted to be separated." None of that. Be mysterious. Get out and GAL if you have to. Is there anywhere in your neighborhood you could go--coffee shop, gym, library, a class you've always wanted to try? I find it's best when I'm not in the same house with H.
Also, I know this is not something you want to hear, but don't read too much into him asking why you're not staying in the same room with him, etc. My H was still living here months after BD and if I retreated to the bedroom after the kids were in bed, he would come looking for me, asking me if I wanted to watch TV. Meanwhile, he still had no interest whatsoever in working on the marriage.
Me: 38 H: 43 Kids: 2,4 T10 M6 BD: 1/14 11/14: H moves out
Hey T. First of all, I agree, speak with a lawyer. Knowledge is power. Doesnt mean you are giving up. Do not tell your h.
I also agree not to say those things if he asks why you arent in the room. I would also try to be out of the house sometimes. It really is best for you to try to GAL. None of his business what you are doing.
Make sure he cant do anything about the business without your knowledge. Find out your rights regarding it. MLCers are notorious for messing with financials and money. Protect yourself.
You need to be on the same page as him about what you are saying to your kids. You should not point fingers at each other. Keep it simple.
He needs to forge a relationship with them. It is your job not to cause harm to it, but, it is up to him to figure it out.
I've been quiet I know. I thought I knew better & I thought I could love & reason my husband out of this...WRONG! Monster returned on Fri & spued all ridiculous accusations all over me again! So since Fri I haven't sent him any love emails, haven't initiated texts or calls (with 3 young kids we do have to communicate). Today I actually woke up feeling somewhat normal, I didn't have that sick pit in my stomach (which I'm sure will return from time to time).
I did a lot of reading over the weekend & I see that MLC often involves over indulging in alcohol so now I'm wondering if husband's MLC started 3-5 years ago! 5 years ago (altho he only 33) we lost his grandfather (H extremely close, he was over our house like everyday) in a fatal car accident & 2 weeks later his sister lost her baby (stillborn)! Drinking increased but I didn't notice any unusual behavior & figured drinking was drowning his sorrows (which can be normal).
About 3yrs ago we discovered that our youngest & only son has a genetic disorder. A lil back ground about my H...he's a incredible athlete..,probably could've been in MLB if he would've cared more about his grades. Huge into sports! Unbelievable knowledge of most sports! Now I can tell you when you find out something is wrong with your child it is extremely hard to process & accept (like discovering you're married to an MLCer!) its a grieving process & it's almost like suffering a loss. To this day altho H said that he had accepted it, he recently told me that he still doesn't think he's ok with it.
Now 3yrs ago drinking escalated heavily, in fact it was really weighing on our marriage! I also just recently discovered that my H has been having some kind of relation with an OW for 3yrs!
Now he didn't leave until 2 months ago when he recently connected with a former classmate (at least the 2nd OW that I'm aware of...who knows). This time I really felt him pulling away & confronted him about seeming to have 1 foot out the door. He said he wasn't happy & I said well if you're that unhappy why don't you just leave (& he did!) Altho I know this is NOT my fault I gave him the opportunity to leave!
So did MLC begin 3-5 years ago (wishing & hoping) & we are in a Replay or did it begin with him leaving (hoping NOT cause this is unbearable)?
M40 H38 M13 T15 D10, D8 & S5 (Special Needs) H refuses MC & wants Mediate D BD 3/2/15 & H left, EA 3/15/15, probly PA A Grateful Heart is a Magnet for Miracles! I have decided I will save our Marriage!
So did MLC begin 3-5 years ago (wishing & hoping) & we are in a Replay or did it begin with him leaving (hoping NOT cause this is unbearable)?
It is possible and probable. Either way he is likely in REPLAY. Also known as ESCAPE and AVOID. No one knows how long that can last. 2 years - 7 years - forever. Their are NO GUARANTEES.
So the question I have is what does it mean to YOU?
