Well my h and I had our first "date". I agreed to extend our separation to 4 months if he agreed to do a weekly date night. Oh and did I mention he stayed st our house last weekend? And that we were intimate for the first time in almost 6 months? The intimacy was great, and I don't regret it at all. I think we need to reconnect on that level if we have any chance. But tonight after our date I told him I didn't regret it and he said he didn't think we should make a habit of it. I tired to get him to explain why but he said he was tired and we could talk about it later. Ugh.
Me:30 H:31 D1 T: 7 years M: 3.5 years BD: 12/2014 3 month S starts: 2/2015
I tried to get him to explain why but he said he was tired and we could talk about it later. Ugh.
Hi Marylov,
Your dates seem like a step in the right direction. My WAW is living 3 1/2 hrs away with her Mom/Stepdad and she doesn't want to see me now. So, that's a good start!
I'm not an expert like some of the vets on these forums, but I don't think it's a good idea to try to get him to explain why he doesn't think you two should make a habit of spending intimate time together (did I understand you correctly?).
By doing so, he may feel you are pressuring him. Instead, try validating his feelings. There are great validation statements in the "Validation Cheat Sheet." Remember, this is not a sprint, think of it as a marathon.
I wish you all the best. Hang in there.
Bob
Me:55 yrs/W:51 yrs (has MS) M:14 yrs T:15 yrs No children together--3 each from previous marriages Wife Moved Out: 10/19/14 Wife Filed for Divorce: 10/20/14 Divorce Final: 10/21/15
Thank you Bob. I think your suggestion is great, I really don't want to pressure him. I guess my feelings were just hurt when he said that. It made me feel rejected. But I know we can't just jump from one night to having more sex than we did when we were together. I am hoping that the dates will give us a chance to reconnect as a couple, and maybe the sex will happen naturally as a part of that but I can't focus on that.
Me:30 H:31 D1 T: 7 years M: 3.5 years BD: 12/2014 3 month S starts: 2/2015
Going on another date with my spouse this week. I am so confused about what he is thinking. He doesn't do anything that would make me think he is considering us workig things out. But he isn't rude either. But his "I'm so sad" texts have stopped and he seems to be happier. I am trying to focus on the fact that a few months ago he was spewing hate towards me , and now at least he will spend the weekend with us, and act kindly toward me when he is here. But every now and then he will mention something about the future and it is clear that in his mind, in the future we will not be together. So why are we even going through the motions of "dating"? I am trying not to read into it. But it does hurt my feelings.
Me:30 H:31 D1 T: 7 years M: 3.5 years BD: 12/2014 3 month S starts: 2/2015
