Several weeks ago I was shopping. I came across this woman who was looking intently at a shelf with items on it. Something about her demeanor made me stop.
I waited a few minutes to give her some time. After awhile, I needed to pass as I was in a bit of a hurry. I said excuse me. As soon as I passed, she got angry. She said, "You couldnt have just waited? You just had to pass?"
I was taken aback. I simply replied, "I'm sorry, I needed to get going." I then turned around and was going to walk away. But out of the corner of my eye, I saw her wipes her eyes.
I walked back to her and asked if she was ok. Her story then poured out. She said that her h had left her early that morning. He told her he didnt want to be married anymore. He left her with a young child.
She had gone through papers trying to figure out what was wrong. She found that he was deep in debt and there appeared to be another woman. She was devastated.
I listened to her for quite awhile. I gave her my number and told her to call anytime. She did. We spoke for several hours. She thought he may be going through a MLC. He wasnt answering her calls.
She then told me something that astonished me. She asked me if I noticed what she was looking at in the store so intently. I told her it was stationery.
She said she was looking for the perfect paper on which to say goodbye to her family. She was going to end her life that night.
To say I was blown away would be an understatement. She thanked me for turning around and talking with her.
I then thanked her. I told her that she taught me a few things. I said that we should never assume we know what people are going through. I thought she was just an angry woman.
I have been struggling with some things lately and what happened with her reminded me that there are people who have greater burdens than mine.
I have spoken with her several times since then. She hasnt heard from her h though she knows people who have seen him. She went to a lawyer as she wanted to take her child and go back home to another state where she has family.
She is working through it all and I think she is going to be ok.
The world really is an amazing place. People come into our lives for a reason. Sometimes we dont realize why at the time.
I know that our paths were destined to cross. I have not one doubt about that.
It was a clear reminder to me of so many things...of which I am so grateful.
She is an incredibly stong woman who lost her way for a bit, but, she is finding her path.
I told her that I understand if she chooses not to stay in touch as I may represent a difficult period in her life. I thanked her for what I learned and for trusting me enough to reach out and call me that night.
Life is amazing, isnt it? It's hard and incredible and wondrous and everything in between. But most of all...it's worth living.
This is an amazing story and it makes me think of something that has dawned on me over the past few weeks about God's purpose for allowing these circumstances into our lives. I am beginning to strongly believe that nothing happens by mistake and that this MLC storm that many of us are dealing with does have a purpose (or multiple purposes) in our lives... The most important purpose is that this is a point in our lives where we must go through a growth and learning journey (our own -- but our MLCer must eventually stop running in order to go through that growth and learning journey as well), but another potential purpose is that by going through this ourselves we are then able to help others like you did in this story.
Many of us may never have an encounter like the one you describe, but so many of us share our stories here and I know that those shared stories have certainly helped me as I go through this. However, we should be mindful that each of us, one day, just might come across someone (a friend, co-worker, family member, or complete stranger) who has just been hit with the MLC-bomb and our experience through all of this places us in a great position to be able to provide them with support, guidance, an ear, and maybe even a shoulder to cry on.
Thanks for sharing this story :-)
Me 48, Her 50 (Same-Sex Couple) 3 Children Together: 9.5 years before BD BD: Week of 10/27/14 ExW started EA w OW 9/2014 ExW married OW 12/2015
That was one amazing story. It is interesting how people are placed in other people's paths to take action that aids the other person...whatever it may be at that particular time.
Sometimes not taking action has quite dire consequences. One only needs to look up a story from yesterday or two days ago that's floating on the Internet about one Chinese man driving and was in a rush to get to a certain destination. He passed a woman who was apparently struggling or injured and he couldn't be bothered to slow down to stop and find out what's going on.
It turns out that he learned later on that that was HIS own mother that he had passed by in his car and she passed away that same day from those injuries.
A true tragedy.
Only if he wasn't in a "hurry" to get to some place....
Hey Jer. I absolutely believe that things unfold the way they are supposed to.
I know this was a journey I was meant to go on. I wish I could have learned what I needed to in another way, but, then it would have been a different journey. I have been profoundly changed by it all.
I vowed because of the amazing people here who supported me, pushed me, challenged me and loved me, that I would always try to pay it forward.
I know this was a journey I was meant to go on. I wish I could have learned what I needed to in another way, but, then it would have been a different journey. I have been profoundly changed by it all.
I could have written this exactly as you did... I'm still early in this journey, but I have complete faith that I was meant to go on it and I have definitely been profoundly changed by it. Yes, would have been great if it didn't involve an MLC-bomb and the storm that is in my family's life right now -- but like you said, then it would have been a different story... And I'll take the MLC storm any day over a terminal illness or something worse.
Me 48, Her 50 (Same-Sex Couple) 3 Children Together: 9.5 years before BD BD: Week of 10/27/14 ExW started EA w OW 9/2014 ExW married OW 12/2015
Agreed. We are right where we are supposed to be in most cases. I do wonder what my life would have looked like if a different set of choices were made. I can't imagine it would have the depth and excitement that it does now though
Ur - you DON'T have people coming up to you tell you their "story" on a regular basis? I'm surprised. That happens to me all the time. But nowadays I have a different perspective and can empathize more readily than before. It has always seemed to me that people need a person to listen to them. And a complete stranger can be the safest person there is. At least that's why I figured people told me their lives when in the grocery store, a restaurant, a ball game, etc.
Having been in the position to need to be heard, I find that I'm much more willing to stop what I'm doing and listen. I'm better now about putting on the STFU t-shirt too
Maybe that's my "reason" for taking this part of the journey in life? LOL
Jer - same here. Could certainly have been worse things - good perspective.
AJ
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK Put the glass down... "Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
Hey AJ, I actually have people talk to me all the time. It is kind of a running joke with the people in my life. How people just seem to open up to me no matter where I am.
I am happy and honored to lend an ear and help if I can. I was always a great listener. I do listen differently now.
This journey has taught me a great many things. Sometimes I get a little reminder, too.
I am just glad I turned around. And especially glad that she is going to be ok.
Ha. I knew it. You're a sister from another mother!
AJ
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK Put the glass down... "Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."