Errod, I'm so sorry about what has happened. I guess at least you know now, and can keep moving forwards. But like the others, I had to laugh reading about your recent exchanges with your W - paperwork?? Is that a new euphamism??
But I don't understand it - your W had already told you, why then lie later? She's not thinking straight. Plus that convo with your D. She's feeling the pressure and guilt of breaking up the family I think.
Hang on in there Errod. At least some of this may help you detach further and move forwards. Keep posting - we are here for you (((Errod)))
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
It's understandable your hurt and angry at W right now. You have every right to be after her actions. There's alot of absolutes in your recent posts about never seeing her the way you once did. Maybe that is the case,maybe not. Just recognize your hurting right now and your feelings could be taking over your thought process more than you realize. W will always have a place in your heart, so try and take a step back and acknowledge your feelings might be affecting your actions again. You get to decide when your M is over, if that is what you want. Feelings/being emotional/irrational is how your W got to that point of being done in the M also, don't let it control you. Control yourself.
Accept what is, let go of what was, and have faith in what will be
I understand what you are saying. I was actually ok when she admitted to what she did. But to call me up later and tell me a totally different story after coming clean. Just destroyed any trust I can ever have in her.
How can you have a marriage that does not have trust?
Me: 36 W: 36 D: 14 T: 18 (05/1997) M: 16 (05/1999) BD: 7/23/15 Separation 01/2015 D mentioned and started 02/2015 D filed 3/2015 OM confirmed 3/30/15
Trust is something that can always be rebuilt, just like a M. I'm not saying it's not an issue, it is right now. I just don't want to see you get so caught up in the bitterness and anger(feelings) toward W that you lose focus of what you have to be doing right now. Your both going through a journey right now, one that doesn't make sense to you. You just have to focus on yours and not hers. If she comes out of it later on and realizes her mistakes, wouldn't you still want the love you shared with her? Don't plan or expect this happening, just don't slam the door on it ever being possible because your angry right now. It would be rough to forgive the things she had done, no one is saying it wouldn't be and maybe that's not something you can do. It's up to you to decide.
Just remember this. She was angry/resentful at you and wanted something better so she left the M trying to find it. You didn't approve of what she did then. If she wanted a relationship later and you left that chance because of anger/resentment, how would you be doing anything different?
Things will still play out how they play out,you just have to decide how your part will work when it comes to it.
Accept what is, let go of what was, and have faith in what will be
Fogg, I am doing great. I think OM dumped soon to be XW. I am talking with two ladies currently and just living life. I went to my counselor yesterday and he said there is no reason to see me any longer.
The hardest thing through this entire event was the fact that I am a Christian. So I took my vows very seriously. With that being said there are two people in a marriage and not just 1, so unfortunately the outcome is sometimes out of your control.
W and I do talk just about everyday and get along fine now that there is no expectations of trying to get back together. I looked at her as the mother of my child and a good friend at this point in my life. If this is how it stays forever so be it.
Me: 36 W: 36 D: 14 T: 18 (05/1997) M: 16 (05/1999) BD: 7/23/15 Separation 01/2015 D mentioned and started 02/2015 D filed 3/2015 OM confirmed 3/30/15
Hi Errod. Glad to see an update from you. And that's an interesting development with OM and your W. Well, he didn't stay the course did he? Actually, my H and OW seemed to be off then on then off for a while. I'm not sure what they are now...
I understand what you say in respect of your vows. I'm sure many of us would identify with that. I'm not a believer, but my vows were made from the very bottom of my heart. In my sitch, I try and act in ways that I feel will sit well with me in the much longer term - that I will look back on in 2/3/5 years time and feel that was the right thing to do. That's my main driver. And of course that means not acting on impulse, anger and so on.
I think the main thing in your sitch is to carry on becoming the best man that you can. Liaising with your W on essential stuff in a 'neighbourly' way - and being busy with your own life and activities. Who knows what may happen in the longer term, but your W may be grieving the loss of her A right now.
Take care Errod :-)
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
OM went to Florida for Easter with his family. I presented all my proof to W about the two of them being together and when he came back he told her he was done. Either he didn't want to get caught in the middle or she became to clingy at that point I will never know, but he bolted like I told her he would from the beginning.
Me: 36 W: 36 D: 14 T: 18 (05/1997) M: 16 (05/1999) BD: 7/23/15 Separation 01/2015 D mentioned and started 02/2015 D filed 3/2015 OM confirmed 3/30/15
