Well tried to fill out paper work last night. Every thing was going great until she tried to change a few things. First it was day care, she wanted me to start paying for half her daycare. I've never done that so that was a no. Then was health care. She wants me to keep her on my insurance. Because she can't get insurance or afford it. Well, this part I jumped on and probably shouldn't have been my old self on (my way o the highway, no compromise). I just didn't want to be taken for granted or be any part of her life in that way. After she left when I said no, she called back and bagged. I offered a compromise. Stating that is fine and can stay on my insurance but you will start paying for it. She didn't like that either. So I stated that I'll meet you at the court house with my lawyer then. Wow, really didn't like that. She calmed down and we finished some more over the phone.
Durning the convo she was getting mad that I'm not careing about her anymore and not being nice guy. I simply told her that after the divorce she is on her own and not under my wing of protection. My job is to take care of me and my kids. And that's all the court will say also. Kept asking what's changed and I told her that I just want I move on and be done with this all. That I don't need to take care of my ex wife anymore.
Then she bought up the extension on it. I asked what would be the reason to have the extension. She stated that she is not sure about every thing. I asked what that meant and if she could give me a better reason. She said it's the same old reason that she is not happy. She is unsure about every thing. And she can't explain every thing to me because it's all to complicated. I said that's fine I'm sorry you can't explain. But I would like to go into Wenesdays court and move forward with the divorce. We set another court date to finish every thing up. She wanted together today to try and finish all the paperwork.
Letting god take this!
Love 3kids
M36/W30 S13,D10,S6 Married 4.5 together 12 Bomb 1/14 EA/PA OM 1/14 still going Served 2/14/14 Separated 3/14 D paused 6/14 6/15 divorced
Wish me luck today, first day of court. I know it probably won't be the last because of the court system. But who knows. We agreed on everything last night. A little fight on some holidays, but other than that we agreed on stuff. She did get a little miffed when we started talking about extended family holidays. She doesn't want me around any of them. In which I stated fine we will start new family traditions then(she tought she should get the kids to continue those events).
I feel confilicked today. Sad that this is happening to our family. But some what relieved that it's finally coming to an end and not in limbo land. Excited to find someone new. Down because it didn't work between us. Happy to show to my kids that dad will move on after the divorce(find another person). They have even brought up other women that they think I would be interested in. Hopefully she doesn't turn resentful if and when I do find someone. I just truly want to "set her free". I still do care a lot about her. Just want both of us to be happy.
I wanted to say thank you to every one on the boards. If you have ever wrote or even read anything. Thank you to all the vets on here for all your great advise. Especially for all the times you have helped me on all the hard days. It's been a long year and a half. I learnt so much from everyone. Thank You!!!!
True happyiness comes from within! 3kids
M36/W30 S13,D10,S6 Married 4.5 together 12 Bomb 1/14 EA/PA OM 1/14 still going Served 2/14/14 Separated 3/14 D paused 6/14 6/15 divorced
My job is to take care of me and my kids. And that's all the court will say also. Kept asking what's changed
I wish there was an emotion sign that showed eyes rolling, b/c that's what I'm doing. I don't know how you stayed controlled when she said that one!
Listen 3kids, you are going to be okay. I hate so badly this has happen to you and the children. You are a wonderful daddy and you are going to be a wonderful catch for some lucky gal. May not be too comforting to hear right now, but you will. Your threads have shown over & over your capacity to love, and those are the people who can find others to love, too. Those are the lives that are to be lived to the fullest.
I am proud of you and how you stuck to your guns when she started that same old story about not knowing what she wanted to make her happy. You handled it perfectly. And, if you had swallowed that hook, she would have continued to use the same bait.
You have grown so much, and for that you can feel proud of yourself.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
3kids, from what I have read about your situation, you are a great proud Father who has so much potential to be what you were destined to be along with someone who will truly value you, from what Sandi2 said "you have grown so much and for that You can feel proud of yourself" I agree!
I'm in the limbo stage but reading your posts, teaches me how to react and not react, thank you and good luck, I'm sure GOD has a greater purpose for you and your kids!
Took a long break from this whole ordeal and found myself again. Really focused on what makes me happy. Life is going great. Exactly where I want to be right now in it. Kids, job, money is all perfect! Have met a lot of new people(new women) done a lot of new things. Really, really happy. Just wanted to share that it isn't all bad after divorce, it's what you make of it. For those of you still in the trenches.
I am in need of some advise from everyone. Just because I know what all my family and friends would say.
Here is what's up. A couple of weeks a go the ex and her boyfriend came to one of the oldest state baseball games. Well, the boyfriend was completely drunk. Don't know about her didn't stick around to find out( I had the kids and wanted them not to be anymore embarrassed by them). When we got home the ex called the oldest to apologize to him for everything. He told her that she is not aloud to bring him to any more sporting events ever. I stayed out of the whole mess until she called me to apologize for the insident. Then I let her have it on how I felt. She said not to worry they are done and the boyfriend is not around anymore.
That was a couple of weeks ago. That brings me to my question.
She approached me with a question. She can't find an affordable place to live so quickly and close to the kids school. She doesn't want the kids to have live with her family again(for the forth time). She is hinting towards me keeping the kids and her staying on my couch for a couple of weeks. So she can move all of her stuff out of their place with the boyfriend. Apparently he is not getting the idea that they are done.
The only reason I am even remotely thinking about this is my kids. They have moved with her in the last year and a half I think six times. If I do alloy this to happen what in the world would be my boundaries! I have my own life, how would I keep living it in that couple of week span.
Thanks as always! 3kids
M36/W30 S13,D10,S6 Married 4.5 together 12 Bomb 1/14 EA/PA OM 1/14 still going Served 2/14/14 Separated 3/14 D paused 6/14 6/15 divorced
I personally would take the kids if I could. I have not read up on your sitch so I'm not sure you are in a position to do that without the XW helping. I would tell the XW to find her own place. It is not you responsibility to take care of her anymore.
By the way, what does "court dismissed D" mean. Under what circumstances would the court do that.
Me: 30's W: 30's M: 12yrs EA: Started 3/2015 MC Started: 4/2015 She moved out and served 6/2015 PA: Confirmed 10/5/2015 2 young kids
"If you do not stand for something you will fall for anything."
