Put one foot in front of the other...

[Elly4]

Okay, so a new thread. Here's a review of my sitch.

We have been together for 23 years and married 17. We got together when he was 19 and I was 21. I suffer from PPST from sexual abuse from age 3 - 15 and then raped in college. When we first got together, I started counseling for the first time. I went to counseling and after over 9 years, was able to escape most of my demons. While this was happening, my husband and I did not have intercourse. We messed around, but I was never able to go all the way. I know, TMI, but you asked for full details. He asked me to marry him knowing I might never be able to be fully intimate. Luckily around the 8 year mark, that was fixed. He has always had a bigger appetite than me, but we did okay. It has been the only thing we have ever really fought about though. Otherwise, we have been each other's best friend or so I thought. After trying for many years, in 2011 we had a beautiful son delivered to us and I thought we had the dream. Now, three years later I find that he is unhappy in his life. He says it's not me or our relationship, but that he has lost himself and does not know what to do. He also told me that he has spent too much time making sure that I'm happy that he doesn't know how to do anything else. He always thinks of me and our son first. He also says he knows that I've often told him to be honest with his feelings, but he didn't want to hurt me ever.

In the 23 years we've been together, he has not developed any other friendships without me around. He goes to work and comes home. He has never found a hobby or gone without me. I've urged him to for years, but he says he feels bad not being with me. Two weekends ago was the first time he did and I was thrilled for him. He truly does seem lost but as he is so introverted, he won't go talk to a counselor.

He is now sleeping in a separate bedroom, but often acts like nothing has changed. A few a weeks ago, he told me he was going to leave, but not sure when. When he decides to move out, he tells me that he'll give me a month notice.

And this coming weekend, he's going to NY with another person to see Les Miserables.

[Cadet]

Welcome to your new thread

Here is a link to the first one - Setting Goals

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2526046#Post2526046

[Elly4]

Thanks Cadet! That would have been easier.

[Cadet]

Thanks Cadet! That would have been easier.

There is not too much that is here that is easier,
but as time goes along you will make progress,
but it is a very slow process.

Eventually life will be easier I promise you that part.

[Elly4]

Thanks, sometimes it's hard to remember that.

[Elly4]

Ok, freaking out a bit and I know I shouldn't. My H's parents called tonight and are coming up for an overnight in two weeks. He hasn't told them that he's in a separate room. Not sure what will happen. What if he wants back in the bedroom for that night?

[Elly4]

Well, I was having a good week, now I'm thinking too far ahead and I shouldn't be. I get so frustrated with my H and our S. He hasn't seen him in two days....gets home and sits on the couch using his cell phone and ignoring his 3 year old who is desperate for his attention. I want to slap him sometimes.

Still trying to figure out what to do about his parents visiting.

[susana4]

Hi Eirinn,
I know it's frustrating but you can't control his behaviour or the way he interacts with your S.

About his parents visiting, it's good to think about how you'll handle it but don't stress too much and borrow trouble from the future. How would you feel if he wanted to stay in the bedroom? What are your concerns there?

[Elly4]

I'm concerned that I'm giving him an out instead of making him take responsibility for the choices he is making. On the flip side, if he's not ready to tell his parents, that's a positive on my side, right?

[Elly4]

I'm having a problem posting as I'm mostly a single mom right now and can't seem to find the time to post. Argh....

H had a nice weekend apparently and came home yesterday in a good mood. We talked well for over an hour and then I headed out for a GAL activity.

Today, he's more quiet, but I'm just continuing on as normal. He has decided that his parent's can sleep in our old room and he'll stay in the room he's in. Different floors so he thinks they won't notice as they are only staying one night. Of course that means that we need to buy a new mattress for his plan.