So a bad weekend with s13, perhaps b/c of the death of his grandmother, and the funeral held on Saturday. Perhaps just the emotions of everyone around him. Who knows?
S13 slept 18 hours Saturday/Saturday night. He woke up and was more of a problem than usual. Took money (he thought I had his money from a few weekends ago), disobedient, aggressive, etc.
When I dropped him off at W's place, I texted her "good luck". She texted back "remember, we all grieve in different ways." Zen wisdom from my W? I wasn't expecting it.
OK, I'm not happy with my direction right now. The winter has been my excuse, but with warmer weather this next week its time for a change. So here is my "to-do" list for this week:
- get to the exercise room at least 2x this week, and also just go for an extended walk;
- submit an application for serving at my church. I don't care where, maybe try something completely different than where I normally serve.
I took a look at your post since I was back on tonight. I am really happy to read your To Do list. Service is the best way to lose yourself and thus find yourself. I even find that when I walk out of my class (I teach a class at a college), I have this strange sense of feeling free, and then I realize that it's because, for 1.5 hours, I was totally focused on the students and our class and never once thought about my situation or my sorrows. And that everyone in my class just saw me as me and not as anything to do with my sorrows.
I was having so much trouble with my son too. I still do, sometimes. I try to keep remembering that the ones who need love the most make themselves the most difficult to love. We can't expect much different, but try to think about it the way you think about when he's sick. You can't take away the flu, but you can be such a wonderful calming presence while he's sick. You can make him soup and rub his head and sit nearby reading, and he will always remember that sickness with joy later precisely because you were there for him when life was hard. I'm sure he'll feel that way too about the way you've been such a good father to him during this crisis. Maybe all your love will help him process all his pain that much better and break the cycle of MLC for his generation! It's a tragedy but that's the silver lining.
Would your son let you read to him before bed? Mine loves The Chronicles of Prydain and of course the Chronicles of Narnia, and I found that both of those helped him to put his mind toward being strong and brave and loving goodness, that has helped a lot. Now we are reading Treasure Island. My daughter always falls asleep when I read to him and then we look at her snoring and feel happy!
Check out rejoice ministries if you are wanting a church influence, I could not get through this without those daily e-mails.
Last edited by Gerda; 03/10/1503:43 AM.
I believe I will see the bounty of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord with courage. Be stouthearted, and wait for the Lord.
Ouch....that feels great. Yes, I took an extended walk yesterday, and today was the first time I had stepped into the exercise room since my spinal surgery a few months ago. Both days it felt like I coughed up about 3 months of winter sitting in my lungs, but then I settled into my stride and everything felt soooo good.
So I had lunch with W's closest sister/confidante (SiL), and her husband. Their house is going thru foreclosure, and I have a bit of experience in dealing with this, and so I offered them some free help. I was still a bit off-kilter from the past weekend's MiL's funeral (little contact with W), and so I was concerned going in that I would snoop by asking SiL questions about W. But I did not, and kept it all business.
SiL is understandably going thru a really difficult time with having her mother die at the same time as receiving foreclosure papers. I kept it light, gave their 2 big dogs lotsa affection (I was covered in dog hair by the end, but I loved it - I miss having dogs), but at the end I could see they both seemed overwhelmed by the job in front of them, trying to renegotiate their mortgage, and stop the foreclosure. I told them I would help as much as they needed me.
Divorce Care last night covered the topic of 'Forgiveness'. Yeah, I still need some work on that.
Jack is absolutely correct in stating that you need to do the exercises. The longer you delay, the longer it will take to fully recover and get your strength back in the spinal area where you had surgery.
Jack, hang in there. It may take you a while, but you will walk again. I have that much faith in the power of exercising, healing and determination.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Jack, thank you for sharing your inspiring back-story on your spine, and how important walking really is. It gives me a reminded appreciation for what I do have. Yes, I was worried about if I got back on the exercise machines whether my balance would work. It did, and the chemicals kicked in to remind me of how much I enjoy working out.
Except, dang that s13. He stole my ear buds. I enjoy listening to 80's music while I work out. So I need to go to the store tomorrow to get me some new ear buds. S13!!!!!
