I wanted to think about anger versus toughness. I am tough. I grew up in a tough household and came out swinging. That was how I survived. I graduated from one of the best Colleges in the South by sheer grit and determination. I have clawed my wy up the career ladder and have been successful. I have done a lot in my life through this quality. On one hand it has served me well, on other matters not so well.
So, the point I try to make is that toughness can morph into anger. My anger does not involve throwing things, hitting things, just saying mean things during the moments of anger. 99% of the time, I am pretty mild but when I get upset, yes I can get angry. For example if someone tries to hurt one of my kids or I perceive them in danger, I can get angry. I never mean to hurt anyone's feelings or be mean, but during the heat of a argument or situation words get said that are regretable.
On the Viper comment that has been talked about, believe me, this was taken in the context of what my lawyer advised me to do to protect myself from untruths. Period. This coment was about protecting my kids. So yes, I accept it, I will do anything to protect my kids.
So, to clarify, I am tough, resilient, take charge, can withstand almost anything. On the negative, that can be viewed as anger, hostile, and/or inflexible. It's a fine line.
Do you feel I am being judged negatively as compared to men who are advised to read " No More Mr. Nice Guy" and "Protecting your Nuts". Men are always advised to be strong and tough, have a firm handle on the wives.
I have viewed this whole situation as an attack and assault on my family. I have fought back to protect them.
I can see now this was probably not the best strategy and more love and patience and acceptance would have been a better approach. I am working on softening my approaches with all matters. It works better and makes me and all around me a happier person.
This is quick because im heading off to a much needed bubble bath. With candles.
F, I believe that NMMNG was written to speak to the men who have difficulty setting and maintaining healthy boundaries. The ones I know who benefit from that book the most are ones who have trouble with their masculine role and taking charge.
The flip side for you would be to embrace your femininity and give in to some vulnerability and find strength in those traits. Protecting the cubs is natural. But there is a difference between loving parenting and being a tiger mom. Embrace your inner girl. All humans have masculine and feminine sides. Yin and yan. Balance is good. Healthy. Seek balance and you will feel at peace.
You don't have to be a fighter all of the time. You just need to learn that often a conversation will work best rather than showing up with your arsenal of weapons. Think Ghandi. Not Rambo...
"There are only 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."
Tonight I have a date-dinner and a movie! Yay! I am not at all interested in this person romantically (and she might not be into me either) but we are going to have fun!!
Spent the day getting supplies for kiddos for our trip to Joshua Tree This Friday. Psyched. Don't want anyone To get sunburned. We are going with our church group. There is one lady in church who I have become friends with and I think we will ride together. Our daughters are about the same age so they will have fun.
I had to take my computer and IPAD to the repair shop today and all I am left with is my cell phone! Not a well thought out plan but I will manage.
This was a hard day for me - kids were picked up Friday and now I have the week to myself. The house is so quiet. It is just me and the dog. Whenever the kids leave, I get down - maybe that is normal but it doesn't feel that way (at least not yet).
Tomorrow is church and other mundane car tasks. I bought a whole new set of pots since I didn't have any others and I want to rearrange my kitchen cabinets. That should take most of the day. I also have major house cleaning to do which should take up more time. I find that when I have empty time on my hands, my mind always wanders to thoughts I am trying to replace.
Good night DBusters - I am thankful I have this forum.
It is very hard to get motivated while the kids are not with me. It is hard to get out of bed, hard to get the house cleaned up, hard to wash laundry, hard to go to the store...everything feels like I am walking in quicksand.
Is this normal? I am on antidepressants and while I do not cry every day, there are still days that I am sooo down. I really wish this would get better.
To combat this:
I have joined a gym Try to listen to new music to get me up and moving Go to church to reconnect with God Take really long breaths and try not to react to anything but be cool and thoughtful.
I would appreciate any support or guidance from the peanut gallery.
I feel the same way more often than not. My self assessment is that it is because I have not fully detached yet.
My "good days" are when I fully accept the reality of my W being gone, really accept it, as opposed to having expectations or any other measure of attachment. The really tough part is stringing together those good days. Or heck, even sustaining an entire good day straight through.
Going out for me has been OK (GAL and all). But I never feel truly better unless my head is in the right place (e.g. detached.)
Very hard indeed.
Me: 30 W: 25 D4, D1 Undiscovered EA/PA since 6/2014 BD: 2/6/15 Living together - in limbo
Tonight I have a date-dinner and a movie! Yay! I am not at all interested in this person romantically (and she might not be into me either) but we are going to have fun!!...
Hi F., I am interested to see why you invited another woman out on a date? You are married, you are not available, and it seems like you are not in a healthy point of your life.
So why did you get someone else in the middle of your mess?
It looks like your doing some good things to help you GAL. I'm just wondering why you chose to go in this direction?
As I mentioned - she is a friend . It was a date in the sense of dinner and a movie. I need some friends of my own right now and she knows all about my situation and that we are not dating as I am not ready for that because as you know I am not ready for any relationships. I am indeed working on me . Having friends is an important part of getting back to me and trying to build connections outside of my old life.
