BD: W of 13 years advised me shortly after the New Year that she had been engaged in EA for a number of months (workplace romance - alleges she has known AP for two years) which evolved into a PA (although has been stressed to me by W on multiple occasions that PA aspect not really important). See this as hybrid WAW / MLC.
Had tried to talk common sense (3 kids & 13 years) into W to no avail. Pretty much did and said everything that the Sandi 37 rules guide against.
W claims she is in love with this individual, who she barely knows and is ready to throw everything we've worked together to achieve away and subject kids to D (incl. the established adverse effects).
I have tried during this painful 6 weeks since BD to do whatever it takes to keep the family unit together. W agreed initially to counseling but then stopped after a few tries. W agreed to NC with AP during which time it was fantastic (having fun with kids and mind-blowing S). Thought we were back on track until she called him and then told me she wanted D. Even after that contact with AP, had great time for a couple of days (took kids for a trip), until she came back and ran to meet up with AP.
After she ran back to AP, I contacted W of AP (had confronted AP shortly after W told me about A - tried to appeal to sense of dignity but AP ha sno morals/qualms with destroying his & my family).
W of AP was well aware of A and told me her H, the AP was not involved in his two Ds lives so I could not expect him to be there for my kids (my W had told me she wanted D so she could marry AP and live with him and have him raise my kids with her and me). I invited W of AP and her Ds over to confront my W, which they did. Was good for W to see that there were real people whose life she was destroying in addition to my family, that is. She was furious for a number of days.
Mid lasts week W calls and wants to discuss D. I ask what's end goal - living with AP, it appears. I arrange to have a couple of the kids away so we can talk this weekend. I tell her I think it is good idea she moves out - go live your fantasy - just kids and me are going to continue living here. You can rent a place and live with AP but you cannot expose kids to him (but you will need to come here and watch the kids/help). You'll soon find out how special AP really is.
Seems like this arrangement had some appeal to her initially, but then she starts talking about renting on her own instead of with AP, so kids would not be exposed (do not necessarily agree with that). She wants to eat her cake - leave with AP and also keep being a mom. Not really think about the ramifications on kids though.
I thought this difficult proposition would be the best way forward (at least under circumstances). However, W and I have not agreed to anything as of yet - our discussion devolved in a blaming/shouting match. In spite of the heated discussion, it's just been actually really weird - pretty cordial between us today and yesterday (with the occasional complaint) after I pitched the proposition. W is focusing on kids future and talking about things as if we'd be in the same house for a while. But she still is saying stuff like it's too late for us / in love with AP. So, as you can imagine, it's hard to keep one's head straight around here. Kind of reminding me of Groundhog Day - like a bad dream that just repeats itself. All cozy in bed with D2 and W and then wake up every day to same bad dream - one where W says she wants D because she is in "love" with AP (and have kids live with her or her/him).
