Hi Toots, Interesting times for you. How you holding up?
I really hope a vet weights in - Wonka especially as she's da bom with replies.
It is curious that he's sent two emails. He's clearly anxious about this. Maybe you could just send something short, sweet and reassuring at this stage to buy a bit more time:
Very sorry to hear about your job. I didn't take your first email as presumptious at all, just need some time to give you a more considered reply. I will be in touch.
H 37 Me 36 Together 15 years Married 5 years No kids BD Apr 2014 H moved out 2 Jun 2014
Thanks so much everyone. I'm doing okay actually - pretty calm. I think the idea of responding to the job situation warmly, with a holding response on the rest, is a good one. I'll post a draft response a bit later. If you can keep the advice coming, I'd be grateful - it's really helping.
Thinking further about it, it's a bit funny to get made redundant on Tuesday, and then suddenly decide you need to resolve your 'long standingly in limbo' marital situation on Wednesday morning. Why add more stress to your life right now?
So, I think H might be in a bit of a flat spin, and I need not to get caught up in making huge decisions and 'resolving' things right now. I'm due to see the L in any case next week and I can update her and discuss implications of positive house sale. I'll do that before I respond to him on the house.
I agree that in a way it feels like he's reaching out, but also that he's telling me it's the end, but is he? Does he want this to be a mutual decision? Part of me just wants to say - look, are you asking me for a divorce here? But of course I won't....
Thanks for your support my friends :-)
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
Patience Ggrasshopper I think Toots is on the right track by validating about the job loss and holding off on the rest. Seeing the L before responding about the house sale is a wise decision and H may feed you more info out of desperation before then. It's been several months; what's another couple of weeks?
Me: 31, W: 29 T: 4 M: 2 Kids: 3 (SS: 7, SD: 4, D: 3) Separated, still living together: Nov 2013 Separate bedrooms: Feb 2014 W working away; kids with me: Nov 2014
So, I'm thinking about this for a holding response...comments please..
H, I'm so sorry to hear about your job. Being made redundant is horrible and I'm sure it will take time to come to terms with it. You've so much to offer any new empoyer. You are talented and experienced, and I do wish you well in your search for work.
There's lots to think about in your emails, and I don't think you're being presumptuous. I'll respond properly when I've had some time to think about things.
Take care H, and please don't hesitate to get in touch if I can help or support.
Love Tx
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
Had a thought which then immediately ran away like a run awaying thing but just remembered now, I do sometimes wonder if my W is waiting for me to hit the "big red button" so she can not have to be the bad guy, Im not saying thats whats happening with your H as Im not sure from what you've written, indeed this seems more like he's waiting to see if you agree its the end or if you are inclined to offer another option.
I think warm validation and maybe getting into a situation where he can open up more on why he thinks theres no way forward for reconcilation may give you more options to see if thats truly what he's thinking.
Just my .02 of course!
M:44, W:46, S:10 M 13 years, T 15 BD:23/7/2014 W/S Moved to MIL: 23/7/2014 My new place: 21/11/2014 W/S back to flat 22/11/2014 W coming closer, talking 4/2015 Piecing 5/2015 Moving in again 6/2015
I just have a minor suggestion - I would replace "you're so talented and experienced" with something more specific about what he's good at (I find really specific/personal compliments best - but maybe that's just me!). I would also say "I believe you will do really well in your job search" (rather than "I wish you luck") - just to be encouraging/build confidence but again that's just me.
Do you think he is being presumptuous? Just wondering.
Me 28 / H 28 M 1 / T 2.5 BOMB 12-3-14 "I don't feel like myself any more" Still living together, separate rooms.
I think Toots is on the right track by validating about the job loss and holding off on the rest. Seeing the L before responding about the house sale is a wise decision and H may feed you more info out of desperation before then. It's been several months; what's another couple of weeks?