I know what you mean about the 'second guessing' - but on the plus side you're noticing it, you know it's not a great idea and you recognise that's not the guy you want to be, and you want to keep working on it - all good stuff.
The worst case scenario is worrying over it until you've convinced yourself it's all true, and are completely unaware that's what you've done.
Hope you had a good day Jim - sounds like you have an interesting few 'travel' days ahead?
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
Sometimes when I read around threads I come across something that wasn't meant for my situation but really just clicks with me (nothing new for any of us in that)
Anyway I read this on RPP's thread
Originally Posted By: underdog
I think we all get conditioned that feeling joy is frivolous and entitled. I don't know if I was ever encouraged to find joy. I don't think my parents were encouraged either, so they didn't convey it to me. I think we're all more attuned to it now, though. I wouldn't consider myself a joyful person before this journey. I lived for the next fix. The next family vacation. I lived in an imaginary place where the motto was, "When XXX happens, I'll be happy(ier)." It was an illusion. Because being happy is committing oneself to staying in that state. Choosing happiness. For me, it all starts with a grateful heart. Once I get myself to a place of thankfulness, I feel joy.
I most definitely lived there but in a far off way while also abdicating some of my responsibility for making things better now.
My wife, I believe, lived/lives in a similar place but darker in how unhappy things made her.
To me this is such a good reminder to choose to be happy and positive and not invest so much of my happiness into external things and other people
Both mid 30s, 2 young kids BD 7sep14 XW moved on long ago, now living with OM1 D paperwork in progress
Sometimes when I read around threads I come across something that wasn't meant for my situation but really just clicks with me (nothing new for any of us in that)
Anyway I read this on RPP's thread
Originally Posted By: underdog
I think we all get conditioned that feeling joy is frivolous and entitled. I don't know if I was ever encouraged to find joy. I don't think my parents were encouraged either, so they didn't convey it to me. I think we're all more attuned to it now, though. I wouldn't consider myself a joyful person before this journey. I lived for the next fix. The next family vacation. I lived in an imaginary place where the motto was, "When XXX happens, I'll be happy(ier)." It was an illusion. Because being happy is committing oneself to staying in that state. Choosing happiness. For me, it all starts with a grateful heart. Once I get myself to a place of thankfulness, I feel joy.
I most definitely lived there but in a far off way while also abdicating some of my responsibility for making things better now.
My wife, I believe, lived/lives in a similar place but darker in how unhappy things made her.
To me this is such a good reminder to choose to be happy and positive and not invest so much of my happiness into external things and other people
This sounds like so many of us . Waiting for that something to happen to make us happier . If only we had noticed and realised sooner . Got to make that choice to do the things that make you happy and sometimes it's easier to say tomorrow .
Me 40 W 37 Together 22 years S18 D12 WaW 12/08/14 after affair exposed , suspected for several months W returned home for 2 weeks to see if can handle family life After the 2 weeks she has left .
I'm liking mozza's more thematic updates so i'm going to copy
Interactions/relationship stuff A couple of interactions with W 2 texts from her, very functional simple messages, in both cases i responded but got nothing back (not that i asked questions).
One was asking if i can pick the kids up on wednesday evening instead of thursday evening. I said yes even though actually its tricky but it means i get to see them 24hrs earlier so i'll make it work. Not great on the detachment front because i immediately wondered why and assumed it must be OM related. I cant know that but do know it must be because she has plans.
Saw her twice today for the swimming arrangements. Both occassions there was no hostitility but it was clear she was aiming for speed and efficiency with as little interaction as possible. I didnt stall but did spend a little a minute or two talking to D3 at both exchanges as that is the whole of my time with her for a nearly 7 day period.
I would say that she seemed to be indifferent to me, but i guess if i was indifferent I would still say hello and goodbye etc. This was just no interaction at all. I have more conversation with delivery guys.
She gave me a letter to sign, to resolve the post redirection finally. I've not chased her on this but it needed doing otherwise the kids cant get post anywhere. You could say i've enforced a boundary on this one. (sarcastic) Yay.
So not detached enough yet, but feeling more accepting that my future relationships lie elsewhere.
GAL Report I've been pretty busy at work which has been good because i'm really starting to feel more like my old work self and have remembered that despite all the nonsense at home and work i do really like my job.
My foot is much better so i've kept up my near daily yoga and have been for a couple of short runs. I also have a potential new playing partner for squash at work.
On Thursday I went to Ceroc (Vanilla, check me out ). I very nearly didnt using excuses like 'well i cant go every week' trying to justify me not going. In the end i just decided i would go because even if i only went this week it was better than sitting at home by myself.
So i went. I had a really good time, and i think i did alright. I definitely plan to go again. Most people said really nice things about me doing well and for i think the first time in my life someone told me i have 'amazing posture'. I chatted randomly to people and got chatting to one woman in particular for a bit.
Friday night not so good, I let myself take too long at work so i didnt go to another class i was thinking about. I also know deep down that it was deliberate on my part so i had an excuse.
Yesterday spent the day sorting stuff round the house and played online games with my brother for most of the afternoon (he lives a couple of hours away).
Today, Swimming, packing and in about 15 minutes i'm headed to Italy for a couple of days.
Both mid 30s, 2 young kids BD 7sep14 XW moved on long ago, now living with OM1 D paperwork in progress
hey jim forgot to say have a safe trip and enjoy Italy
M:44, W:46, S:10 M 13 years, T 15 BD:23/7/2014 W/S Moved to MIL: 23/7/2014 My new place: 21/11/2014 W/S back to flat 22/11/2014 W coming closer, talking 4/2015 Piecing 5/2015 Moving in again 6/2015
Hey Jim, that sounds pretty good. And thanks so much for your reply on my sitch. Great news with the Ceroc too....all the guys are getting into that now...
Hope your trip goes well!
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
). I very nearly didnt using excuses like 'well i cant go every week' trying to justify me not going. In the end i just decided i would go because even if i only went this week it was better than sitting at home by myself.