Sorry if I'm breaking forum etiquette here, I have a thread over in newcomers, but quite a few people have suggested there might be an OW involved (as far as I know there isn't). I thought it might be helpful for other newcomers too, who aren't sure if there's an OP, to have a list of common signs of an affair...
So I was wondering, what signs did you guys see in the lead up to the reveal of the EA/PA? Did you see it coming, and what clues did you see? Or looking back, what were the signs you see now that you missed at the time?
Last edited by susana4; 01/27/1512:16 AM.
Me 28 / H 28 M 1 / T 2.5 BOMB 12-3-14 "I don't feel like myself any more" Still living together, separate rooms.
Sorry if I'm breaking forum etiquette here, I have a thread over in newcomers, but quite a few people have suggested there might be an OW involved (as far as I know there isn't). I thought it might be helpful for other newcomers too, who aren't sure if there's an OP, to have a list of common signs of an affair...
So I was wondering, what signs did you guys see in the lead up to the reveal of the EA/PA? Did you see it coming, and what clues did you see? Or looking back, what were the signs you see now that you missed at the time?
1. Greatly decreased affections in a very qquick window of time. 2. Closed towards you all the time when they were normally "open" 3. Not a lot of time for you when before they had time 4. Angry at you all the time and you did nothing.... Many flip their blame onto you. 5. Nothing you do is right, ultra critical towards you when they weren't before. Brain rationalizes the affair by finding flaws in you 6. Coming in late at night or leaving much earlier out of the blue. 7. Hides cell phones, always talking on it out of earshot
Those are just some.
The quickest way to bust a cheater in this day and age is a Voice Activated Recorder in the car.
Another way is to have a cell phone spy app or keylogger on the computer.
Many of it is done in social networking and chat.
Always collect enough intel before confronting and do not reveal the source of your information.
Hi susana, sorry to hear. I'll look at your other thread later. My OM Bomb drop was very recent so I did a lot of reflecting.
My W told me things like: - I love you but I'm not in love with you anymore - I'm such a bad wife (guilt) - you are just not for me, I want something more in my life - we are not compatible - less sex drive - taking care of herself better than usual - friends become more important
Did you buy Michelle's book already? Most questions are answered in there. Or just google for affair signs. The thing is you probably have a gut feeling, but there's fog in your head so you are confused. Later you will look back like me and say "omg, it was so obvious". Always get prepared for the worst! There might be nothing tho, I don't know your situation yet. Keep your head up!!! You landed in the right place with a lot of big hearts and wisdom!
Me 32 (German) Wife 28 T 3yrs M 2yrs Moved to US for W No kids BD 6/2014 In house separation Confirmed EA 1/2015 (ongoing since BD) OM not ready Real D talk started 1/27/15
Susana, In my sitch, I didn't know until I lost it when I found out they were at lunch together at a place supposedly he'd never been before. She wasn't hiding the fact they were at lunch, but I wanted to bring her something for lunch and she told me where and who she was with. Luckily, for me she came right out and said she had feelings for this guy. The sure sign for me was looking at her cell phone text usage and near 24/7 text exchange with OM.
I would certainly think your H is having an affair. In my opinion, I find it difficult for a young man to just simply want away from his woman without someone else in the picture.
Last edited by Arcola; 01/27/1505:39 AM.
Me:30 W:34 M:8 T:9 D:9 D:4 D:3 S:4 S:1 D bomb: 8/2014 S 12/2014 PA Confirmed in 3/2015 if I recall correctly
I knew in my heart for long time but i just chose to ignore the reality. DBing say dont snoop
My wife is having an affair with her business partner. In the end it was almost like she wanted to get found out the clues were that glaringly obvious. Even my dad had asked months ago
We were already in trouble. Sex life dwindling. Other issues in our marriage. everday stresses
The way she would talk on the phone to OM (Business stuff) but it was just her tone
She started working away more and more
6 months ago it was basically end of our marriage. No more Affection on emails texts etc. It just stoppped
She was out socially with work more and more.
Very negative about our marriage and blaming it all on me
Found he was getting divorcded but wife failed to tell me
I then recetnly did a load of snooping and it just confirmed what i had already known for a long time.
Nearly all their emails were business like but there was the odd slip up where it would be too friendly
Nights away in her calendar that didnt tally up
Possesive over her phone to the point of taking it in the shower room with her. She never used to be
His children had accused him of having an affiar with Wife in a IM exchange
I found a birthday card for her this year from him at home hidden. (now been burnt on the fire )
Week before BD she took her rings off. New underwear bought
Confirmation when i got access to her phone in middle of the night. She hadnt even changed her passcode (she has now) Saw messages on there to each other. Fortunatly i didnt see anything too hurtful and there wasnt that many but it was enough for me to wake her up and lose it (stupid now i know) and she just admitted it had been going on for about 6 months. I think maybe longer.
Its up to you. I understand why DBing say dont snoop because to find out is almost unbearable and there is nothing you can do about the affair anyway. It will probably continue until they wake up and smell the coffee. Doing some reading about affair fog The only thing my discovery has done is to make life difficult for her to sneak around. She has a lots to loose as does OM. its no longer a fantasy land. Its now real and she has to decide what to do with her life.
Me:40 W:35 D:8 T:13 M:10 WAW: 7/14 PA Discovered: 1/15 at least 6 months Moved out and moved on
As someone mentioned above, you can always just google "signs of an affair," but you can really boil it down to their CELLPHONE. If he is totally possessive of his phone, and if the text messaging is up 5-10x (or more) than it used to be, there's your answer.
Starsky, I mentioned the same thing in her Newcomers thread re: cell phones. Her H is in IT - yikes. Everything is password protected and tied down like Ft. Knox. Any suggestions on that?
M: 40 H: 44 Married 14 years S11 & D6; D20 & D19 from previous M 2BDs/PAs, 8 years apart Piecing: April 2014
A voice-activated recorder hidden under the front seat of his car would turn up any phone conversations, but I'd check first to see if that's legal in her jurisdiction before I'd ever advocate that, and even then I'd probably have a trusted friend or family member listen to it first to protect her heart and emotions, as it can be BRUTAL.
Might be simpler to just operate from the basis that there likely IS an affair going on, and proceed accordingly. Certainly has all of the signs, and that way you're not devastated if one does turn up.
A voice-activated recorder hidden under the front seat of his car would turn up any phone conversations, but I'd check first to see if that's legal in her jurisdiction before I'd ever advocate that, and even then I'd probably have a trusted friend or family member listen to it first to protect her heart and emotions, as it can be BRUTAL.
Might be simpler to just operate from the basis that there likely IS an affair going on, and proceed accordingly. Certainly has all of the signs, and that way you're not devastated if one does turn up.
Starsky
You don't have to reveal the use of the VAR for evidence, use it for yourself. It IS brutal. The convo's they have with others while they are in this mode are all disrespectful and show you how much they really think about you. They might even have the affair partner(s) in the car.
Also a lot of the time you can pick up what the other person is saying so you get the entire convo.
