Torn Apart

[Fsh]

I found a love that I have lost, found it again because of the most hurtful circumstances. Our lives drifted because of the everyday stresses. I started living my life with her in it rather than living my life with her. Work, debt, house and a child. Finding myself trying to build my life over again under difficult circumstances. A daughter that needs me, I need her. No where to go, no one to talk to. I'm trying to give wife space, not pressuring her. She assures me that it's all over but yet there is a change of clothes hidden in her trunk. Trying to emotionally control myself. Trying to concentrate on my well being but depression, anger and anxiety are severely consuming me. Having outbreaks of rage pushing her further away. It's been one month since I discovered. Time, my life, my love, my dreams are all slipping away, being wasted. Consuming more alcohol, thoughts of ending my life are more frequent but I have my little girl keeping my spirits alive. Living, playing and nurturing her everyday. In return I get hugs, kisses, laughs and the term of endearment "I love you daddy"! This pain is awful, my head is spinning in circles. My emotions running wild. All I want is to start a new life. Leave the past behind and no resentment. She shows me affection time to time giving me some hope but it's just not enough. I want more, time is wasting and going by so slow.

[Ontheup]

Hey

Sorry your suffering. are you able to embellish on your story?

[Fsh]

Affair been going on for 2 years and with 3 different men. Unhappy with me, an EA. I discovered when the third mans wife told me. She caught him through his emails, she found me on Facebook by searching my last name. I started looking thru her emails and collected a TON of crap that I did not need to see. Four days later, after gathering evidence, I asked her if she was having an affair. Never told her that I saw the emails. She admitted to two of them and a shorter time frame. She agreed to end it, stop all communication. Saw a counselor, who has been a complete nightmare, so I'm trying to find another but it's difficult on who to trust. Things were going ok until she contacted one of them again 10 days later. I then laid it all out there. I showed her all of the emails I had printed. Said I wasn't coming home for a few days. Got a call later that nite from police. She was in the hospital for evaluation. She tried to hurt herself. At this point I am now a complete basket case. Things settled down again but there was still information that she was hiding and I knew it. Keep having visions of her with another man. My thoughts driving me crazy. Started drinking heavily a couple of nites ago, EXPLODED on her and then she finally admitted to it all. Living in same house still. Talking but only about our everyday stuff for our daughter. Never once did she apologize. My book on DB came today, decided to just leave her alone and trying to get my act together. I've had 5 anxiety attacks, my emotions are all over the place. Don't know if I'm coming or going.
Me:46 W:43
D7
M7

[Fsh]

It was also a physical affair with them all

[Complex]

Very sorry to hear. The initial shock is huge, and the deeper we dig the harder it gets. in your situation I would highly recommend to get professional help asap!!

First of all keep breathing. Try to detach your mind. And go buy Michelle's book asap. For your own sake, your own sanity. And post some more details, but try to make things clear, create a timeline of how things happened and what the current status is.
There are a lot of great people in here that are able to help you and give you some answers and guidance.

Keep your head up. And don't do anything stupid. Whatever you do from here on will most likely make everything worse. So think twice or three or four times before you say or do anything regarding your W.

You can do this

[Squiggy]

If you keep reacting the way you are, it would probably be best to check out an acute stress care center to get some immediate help. Get yourself some help quickly in order to start processing through the torrent of emotions and thoughts you are having.

[UpperCu]

Hey Sred, sorry to see you are here. Being betrayed by someone you love is extremely painful. Unfortunately, you're not going to get help working through this pain from your wife this time. You're on your own and need to start building a new, or rebuilding an old, support system of a few close friends or family members who will support your marriage and you no matter what the outcome is. Come back to post on this forum regularly. It is a great resource for help and encouragement.

You need to focus on getting a life (GAL) and detaching form your wife emotionally right now. Space and time are your friends now. The first month is a roller coaster, but the days WILL go by and it WILL be get easier to sleep, eat, live if you choose to GAL.

My 180s & GAL activities were exercising regularly, participating more in church, joining a basketball team, going on a trip by myself, stopping arguments from getting out of hand by backing down when I became angry or either of us started to yell. What are some 180s you can make right now for yourself?

[Ontheup]

Hey Sred

Sorry for your pain. Its awful i know. We are all on here as either in or have been in the same boat and we support each other. I also just found out about my wife is having an affair only 1 week ago. We are still under same roof and being friendly. We have agreed not to talk about it for our duaghters sake. There is little point in talking anyway as she has checked out.
I would recomend trying to stay off the booze. It really will do you no good. It is a depressent. Im not a big drinker so easier said than done. As per some other posters you may need to seek some proffesional help.
You have to concentrate on you now and your daughter. Its self preservation mode. As per others you need to detach and GAL. Do stuff with your daughter. get some exercise. do anything thats stops you sitting around thinking about it. stay strong. keep posting

[Fsh]

So to add insult to injury I got a DUI 2 days ago. Brother was in town and met him for dinner and a conversation. Spent about 3 hours with him and went home. No I wasn't drowning my sorrows. Got pulled over for failure to use a turn signal while changing lanes. This has hit me extremely hard because my anxiety levels are through the roof!! W and I met with our counselor yesterday and she is going to do some intense individual preservation, 3 days a week. Then in 3 weeks bring us in as a couple to see where things stand. I'm really looking FWD to it! Also, which was a shock, W told our neighbor what's been going on. From the affair to getting hospitalized. Our neighbor is our Pastor. He reached out to me and offered some counseling. I happily accepted and will be talking to him today. He's a friend, our neighbor more than our Pastor so words of peace and devotion are better than what I'm feeling. I've been reading DB now for a couple of days and taking lots of notes. Setting goals and detaching from W. Trying to be her friend, a father and that's all for now. Trying not to set myself up for failure. When I think things are starting to look better, they backfire and I lash out. I need stop setting myself up!!!

Thank you all for your support this far!!! I know it's going to be a long road and I'm trying my hardest but when your brain shuts down and loses direction its SOOO hard to get back on track.

[Cristy]

Hi,

I am sorry for the situation you are in. The best advice I can give you is to speak with a Divorce Busting Coach today.

You have mentioned some serious issues (DUI, wife hurting herself) and it would benefit you tremendously to have a DB Coach in your corner coaching you through this difficult time.

Divorce Busting coaches will give you the best guidance on how to save your marriage and get things moving in a more positive direction. Please call me to discuss our coaching program 303-444-7004.

Cristy
Resource Coordinator
The Divorce Busting Center
303-444-7004