So, I've been friends with an ex of BF's for a long time. She and he are friendly...in fact, she's a lesbian and dated BF when she was still in the closet and in denial about her sexuality. For the sake of this story, we'll call her Ex #1.
She was working in a town I have to drive through on the way home and asked on FB if someone would deliver her a coffee. I'm a nice person, so I stopped at Dunkin' Donuts and got her her French Vanilla coffee.
It was revealed to me as we shot the [censored] for about 20 minutes, that BF cheated on her, too. He was with ex #2 for 10 years, but before that, he cheated on ex #1 with her. Ex #2 was married and refused to leave her husband for BF, so he went back to Ex #1 and begged her to take him back, stating cheating on her was a mistake. When Ex #1 realized she was into women, she broke it off with BF and they parted ways, leading him to immediately shack up with ex #2, whose marriage had by then died a death on its own.
I (Ex #3!) did not know this. I was not aware his pattern went this far back, because as far as I knew, he claimed that cheating on ex #2 was out of character for him.
Well, man, the more you know....
For the record, if there's a "side" to be had in this break up between he and I, she's on mine. She loves him as a person but admits to his weaknesses and flaws, and states that his behavior of moving in with his new girlfriend seems rushed and ill-advised. She's appalled.
C'est la vie.
ME: 38 BF: 40 T: 10y, no kids, no M (by choice) BD: 7/14/14, BF admits to PA, wants out, lies about new R. 10/1/14: I move out, BF lies about move in with OW 12/4/14: OW confronted, reveals all the lies
Thought I was out of the woods emotionally, but found myself in a heap sobbing my little heart out, this evening.
All things change. Emotions change. Time heals all wounds.
I still feel like I'm missing my soulmate. I'm still so hurt I wasn't enough.
HEAL FASTER, DAMN IT.
ME: 38 BF: 40 T: 10y, no kids, no M (by choice) BD: 7/14/14, BF admits to PA, wants out, lies about new R. 10/1/14: I move out, BF lies about move in with OW 12/4/14: OW confronted, reveals all the lies
Same here. At first, I wanted to take a pill that would take me 3 months later, after the pain was gone. Well, it's almost six months and I still cry every day. I don't know when it will stop, but I know that the pain doesn't do any good to anyone anyway.
I encourage you though to stop referring to him as your "soulmate". I think it's 25yearsmlc or sandi2 who said here that it's not really helpful, and I believe it. I brings me more sadness and makes it harder to detach. Have you been able to get out there a little and meet new people?
M39 D6 D3 (at S) S 2014-09 D 2016-09
"You can't start a fire sitting around, crying over a broken heart" - Bruce Springsteen.
Same here. I haven't been crying much lately but out of nowhere I started crying in the middle of shavasana last night.....followed by a profound sense of loss and desire to email H (managed not to). Now I feel a new sense of DB prowess. C'mob guys, we can do this!
H 37 Me 36 Together 15 years Married 5 years No kids BD Apr 2014 H moved out 2 Jun 2014
I'm having issues letting the past control me. I don't want to go to the town that BF and I lived in (where his new GF has her store, right on main street! GAG!) and I CERTAINLY don't want to go to the town where he and his new GF live in their new house. I do not, under any circumstances, want reminders of how our R blew up and I don't want to risk running into either of them.
I don't strictly have to go to these places (there's nothing in these towns that *requires* me to go there, save the shopping is better; but there are other options on my route to and from work in the opposite direction), but I feel like I'm limiting myself due to fear of negative emotions and that angers me because in a sense, it's letting him control me.
It's been 7 months and there are still quiet moments where I recall what's been done and my stomach gets queasy. More due to the fact that someone I put my love in could behave in this manner; it's still utterly disgusting to me.
It's also old news. Get over it, Little.
45\ <---- my cat walked across the keyboard and left a love note for you guys.
I'm also concerned because my sex-drive has been nill (I think due to medications, both an antidepressant and a hormonal birth control pill I'm taking to regulate my cycles) and even though I'm not seeing anyone, I've got this PTSD situation in my head figuring that no one will ever love someone that doesn't want to have sex twice a day like a wild animal. I hate that people such emphasis on sex as a form of intimacy. It makes me feel pressure and I'm not even intimate with anyone.
Don't get me wrong; I love sex and I'm a very sexual person, but I feel like I have nothing to offer someone if I'm not running on all cylinders where this is concerned and that [censored]. I hate how self-worth is related to this, because people make a huge deal out of it.
ME: 38 BF: 40 T: 10y, no kids, no M (by choice) BD: 7/14/14, BF admits to PA, wants out, lies about new R. 10/1/14: I move out, BF lies about move in with OW 12/4/14: OW confronted, reveals all the lies
If you keep picking the scab it will bleed and scar.
Let it alone to itch, the scab will drop off and there will be new pink skin.
As for the sex drive, well overdrive when you next hit the ready, set, go button. My bestie says women are either juicy tomatoes or celery sticks. I guess Little knows which one she is, in the same flame red soup as V then?
V
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
2 hours until my birthday and all I can do is sob and cry. Having a horrible day emotionally. It slammed into me like a ton of bricks, unexpectedly.
ME: 38 BF: 40 T: 10y, no kids, no M (by choice) BD: 7/14/14, BF admits to PA, wants out, lies about new R. 10/1/14: I move out, BF lies about move in with OW 12/4/14: OW confronted, reveals all the lies
I've read a few times round here that sometimes these slams are part of the next stage of letting go. Its like a relapse but each time its not quite as bad and you recover that little bit more.
I hope you have a good day.
((((Little))))
Both mid 30s, 2 young kids BD 7sep14 XW moved on long ago, now living with OM1 D paperwork in progress
I hope you have a great one and yes I know how you feel please try to spend your day doing something you really enjoy, pamper and spoil yourself OK?
M:44, W:46, S:10 M 13 years, T 15 BD:23/7/2014 W/S Moved to MIL: 23/7/2014 My new place: 21/11/2014 W/S back to flat 22/11/2014 W coming closer, talking 4/2015 Piecing 5/2015 Moving in again 6/2015
