a young man with hope II

[lnlyshp]

Thanks all for the replies and the kind words.

I am still hurting but I am up. Toots, the advice for the mini goals was very helpful. I set a goal to get out of the house and do something fun with S and did so. We went to the toy store today. He loves animals, so I bought him a small set of the little plastic ones. They are currently all over my living room floor, but he was happy.

Mahhhty, the last line really resonated with me. I realize that I was being manipulative around her. Trying to strong arm her into a fight or make her feel bad for me. None of that is working. We are divorced - but I am not done here. Maybe it is crazy to still hold on, but I will go to my grave fighting if I have to. I just need to stay positive and, like you said, make the most out of interactions.

Vanilla, thank you for the kind words - as always. I need to be strong for my S.

[Vanilla]

Ins

I absolutely know you can and will be strong for your S.

From day 1 on this board your love for your little one has shone like the lighthouse beacon, even through the fog, rain and storms.

It makes you strong.

V

[mahhhty]

That's the right path.... Do the best you can! Make her into the fool who left a wonderful husband and family. You can do that. It doesn't happen over night as you know. But you can do it!

[desp13]

Hey Im new here and Im going through the same thing. Im on this roller coaster ride that its driving me crazy, its has been only two months and I feel like its been years, I've been very weak, Some times I use the excuse of asking about my daughter so I can talk to her, usually she just says "she is fine" and thats it, other times she will text a lil more and talk about random stuff, it drives me crazy that she is stronger than me and she wont text or ask or wonder anything about me, I'm doing the same thing and trying to be discipline but some times she does stuff that gives me hope and the some days I wont hear from her at all and I lose all the hope.. Right now I'm just confused but trying my best to GAL..
I feel u pain and specially if u have to see her everyday. but U have to stay strong and be indifferent just like it hurts us its must hurt them too.
if u have any advice that can help me avoid making mistakes it will be great since u have been in this ride longer than me..

[lnlyshp]

Hello desp13. I feel for your situation. You mention sometimes using the excuse of asking about your daughter. One thing that I cannot impress upon you enough is that it is now all about your daughter. I know you want to be back with your X, I know I definitely wish I was back with mine, but the more important thing to me is that my son is doing well. Don't use her as an excuse - use her as a connection. Bond with your x based on the love that I'm sure you both share for your daughter.

As for mistakes to avoid - I would say play it cool. Don't let your emotions get the best of you. I genuinely think I would be back together with my X if I hadn't been so angry towards her during this time. Stay calm when you see her. Appear happy. It hurts to fake but trust me, you're better off.

Best of luck.

[lnlyshp]

Hello all.

Rainy day today. Gloomy with a calm breeze. These are my favorite kind of days. I don't like the heat of summer. I'd rather sit by an open window with a book, listening to the sound of pouring rain.

I get S back today. His mom took him on a little vacation to see his aunt and uncle (she asked my permission). Last time I saw her, I expressed that I was concerned that he didn't want to spend time with me. He cries when I take him away from his mother, he cries for her when he's "in trouble", and he doesn't even run to me when I pick him up from daycare anymore. She says its just normal behavior, and for the most part I think she's right, but I'm sure she would be singing a different tune if he was pulling away from her.

Just sad today. Lonely. Wishing my kiddo was here. Wishing I wasn't stuck.

Sometimes the blues are just a passing bird.

[mahhhty]

Last time I saw her, I expressed that I was concerned that he didn't want to spend time with me. He cries when I take him away from his mother, he cries for her when he's "in trouble", and he doesn't even run to me when I pick him up from daycare anymore. She says its just normal behavior, and for the most part I think she's right, but I'm sure she would be singing a different tune if he was pulling away from her.

Keep your chin up. It could be the age. But remember you are an enabler for all relationships you have. Mothers have an advantage their DNA is preloaded with nurturing characteristics. Try to be more nurturing, especially in times where he is upset. Hold him longer, rock him, tell him it is okay. DOn't try to change the situation through his response. Start looking at other ways to be more nurturing and it can happen. A few months ago, my S fell and started crying and he ran to me and not her. It can happen. Bring yourself to their level.

[mahhhty]

shp - how is your S?