Pregnant w H who doesnt want it and had affair

[Mom22]

Thank you Mozza and Happy1. Really appreciate your responses.
Ive been exploring my mortgage options (this house is 100% his so I can leave without debt). I dont qualify for affordable rent.
My main issue is I will not get buying a place sorted before delivery.Thats why Im hoping there s still an option otherwise im stuck here for at least 7-9 months. With a (probably) cheating husband. After delivery Im in no position to make clear decisions (sleep deprived etc) and will physically not be up for moving, etc.
I could stay w my mom but not for such an extended period of time and with 2 kids (she has one 2 by 2.5 square metre guestroom)..
I have Divorce Busting (very good book) and have been considering a 180 which is basically a GAL. I think. It has worked for my friend. Im not yet consistent enough though. We re going to a solution focused therapist since Mon to help us decide what to do.
Maybe its indeed time to accept that if I can 180 and GAL more he might still not change. Im just wondering how some women stay with an unfaithful husband long enough and how they got them to change.

[Mom22]

Thank you Mozza and Happy1. Really appreciate your responses.
Ive been exploring my mortgage options (this house is 100% his so I can leave without debt). I dont qualify for affordable rent.
My main issue is I will not get buying a place sorted before delivery.Thats why Im hoping there s still an option otherwise im stuck here for at least 7-9 months. With a (probably) cheating husband. After delivery Im in no position to make clear decisions (sleep deprived etc) and will physically not be up for moving, etc.
I could stay w my mom but not for such an extended period of time and with 2 kids (she has one 2 by 2.5 square metre guestroom)..
I have Divorce Busting (very good book) and have been considering a 180 which is basically a GAL. I think. It has worked for my friend. Im not yet consistent enough though. We re going to a solution focused therapist since Mon to help us decide what to do.
Maybe its indeed time to accept that if I can 180 and GAL more he might still not change. Im just wondering how some women stay with an unfaithful husband long enough and how they got them to change.

[Mozza]

Why can't you rent a place? There's a discussion in Maybell's thread about buying or not. Even though most Americans assume that buying is cheaper, it's not always the case. Also, with 2 kids, it would be much better for you to outsource maintenance and worries to a landlord. You could rent for a few years, save the difference (when you rent, your savings are the equivalent of your equity when you buy) and buy later. Perhaps with a new person. Or perhaps you'll move back in your current house with your chastised H. ;-)

[Mom22]

Im in Europe and in a big city. Renting privately is at least (!!) €1000,- a month. And then the neighborhood [censored]. I dont qualify for social rent as Im not on welfare and have a reasonable/good salary. I could get a mortgage for €900,- a month.

[Mom22]

Sorry I didnt watch my language (so a word got censored). I meant thst those neighborhoods are not where I d like to raise kids. Over here private rent is ridiculously expensive.
I ve been raised bilangual but in Europe so there may be some different interpretations of words as well, as I was raised more jn the UK english then US english.

[Mozza]

So in this city, poor people buy and rich people rent? I'm a little skeptical that it's really as you described. I've lived in several cities, including in Europe and while the balance is different everywhere, it's never this lopsided in favor of buying (market would correct that quickly). Again, this is just for your sake and not to discuss mortgages here, but unless you've got this data based on personal research, I encourage you to do a little more research on the renting side. It's important in your situation to have the right data.

[edz]

Hi mozza

I'm in the uk, fraid to say yes this the case with a but! Rental is pricey...here it comes..but...no 20% deposit. Here the deposit for a normal house is about £30-40,000 or $45,500 but at v low rates the mortgage itself is low, with limited stock rental is about £1000 pcm at least here in the southern uk. Hope that helps.

[TRDiver]

I don't post often, and I'm not vet but I'm moved to respond. I agree with Starsky snd Cadet fully. I'm just in awe at the utter disrespect and callousness and I think you'd be best moving on.

[Karma12]

Do you have family support? Right now you have to focus on you and your children. Hubby sounds like he may be in a MLC. Go to the MLC part of the forum and read there.

If it is a MLC you have no choice but to detach and try and GAL. His behaviour is immature and Narrsistic. This could go on for years.

I had a friend who's hubby wanted a divorce while she was pregnant too. He's still making a mess of his life. She went on to become a nurse, remarry and recently gave birth to a baby girl. Best of all she's happy.

[Mom22]

Yes I ve had mortgage advice and have been to rental agencies. The system just works a bit different here. If you are registered for over 8y and have a low income you can get great rent deals but not on the private market.

Thanks I agree maybe the MLC section is a good one.
I do think it is partially something like that. He's makinh up for time lost when he was younger and not so desirable.
I know it can take years. Im just torn should i GAL and stay until after baby is born or should I just go (and then obviousky also GaL). I do already have a life though i work 4d a week and meet up with friends 1-2x a week and work out (at home cause he s generally gone).
I have no clue how to meet up more or have more hobbies when im looking for a house and arranging mortgage, daycare, moving, shopping furniture etc.