W told me she wanted a D back in early November. Mid November she asked me to move out and I did. December 1 I was served papers for D. It will be final at the end of January. I don't want a D but she is adamant. She doesn't want to talk to me or see me. She will only TM me about proceeding with the D.
I have been to counseling and realized that a lot of my actions caused her to want a D. I offered to go to marriage counseling and told her I would change but she said, "No."
I am on an emotional roller coaster. I miss my W and want to save my marriage. I ordered the DR book.
Can you give us a little more info? Ages, how long together/married, any kids, etc.
What were some of the things that you feel caused your W to leave, are you actively working to fix them for you?
Your W is no doubt scared and she is lashing out. These emotions will start to stabilize in time. There is not much you can do except focus on you as you don't control her.
Me 28 W 27 T 10 M 2 No kids (fertility issues - mine) Bomb 7/20/2014 - EA Confirmed W moved out 9/15/14 W dating OM 11/22/14
I am 44. Wife is 40. We have been married 19 years, no kids.
One of the problems is I have had a hard time landing full time employment for the last 8 years. Seems I can only get temp jobs or only part time work.
The reasons stated why she wants a divorce is because she says I am angry all the time, I am angry with God, I haven't been to church in years and I don't want to spend time with her family.
I have been mostly frustrated about not landing a full time job and I have been angry at times. She is right about me not going to church and I haven't been because I have been angry with God. I don't want to do things with her family because her mom and aunt get loud and obnoxious. I had a falling out with her mom almost 2 years ago.
I have been seeing a counselor to work on my frustration and anger. Also trying to improve my chances of getting full time work.
One of the problems is I have had a hard time landing full time employment for the last 8 years. Seems I can only get temp jobs or only part time work.
What do you do? Is there a reason why you may be having a hard time finding a steady job?
"The reasons stated why she wants a divorce is because she says I am angry all the time,"
Is this true?
"I am angry with God,"
Is this true? Why?
"I haven't been to church in years"
Is this true? Why?
"and I don't want to spend time with her family."
"I don't want to do things with her family because her mom and aunt get loud and obnoxious. I had a falling out with her mom almost 2 years ago."
What happened?
"I have been seeing a counselor to work on my frustration and anger. Also trying to improve my chances of getting full time work."
In what ways?
Those seem like pretty big issues. Are you really willing to change for the better?
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
We all found it because D was not a word that we were willing to hear. The focus on here is ourselves and making changes ourselves that will re-attract a spouse who's asking for divorce. That's why Mr. Bond asked those questions.
You'll see that how this goes is both people in the M take actually opposite roles than you would think. Person asking the D is scared, fearful and normally has shut their emotions down. My wife is the same way, No Contact at all outside of counseling (mediation.) Once our spouse leaves, we try to 'convince' them to stay to no avail. That's where it gets weird here. We actually then need to make like we are okay with the whole thing meanwhile fixing all of the problems that we alone are accountable for in making the marriage get to this point.
Some problems with us are more than others, but the one thing to remember is that you can't 'make' her change her mind.
So it looks like you already identified things to improve. Stick on here and folks going through it, like myself as well as folks that have been through it (either D or reconcile) will help you out.
Biggest thing is that we need to be comfortable with who we are and then it may be apparent to our spouse that they want to come back close to us. Make sense?
M:36 W:37 T: 15 M:11 S6 D5 BD: 8/10/14 IDLY: 8/12/14 S: 8/13/14 (she left, I stayed w/ kids) D Mentioned: 10/15/14 Confronted about OM: 10/15/14 EA: ~4/13 PA: ~10/13 She filed: 8/15 (not final)
