New here. I was reading the Divorce Busters book and then started googling "love is an addiction" I was reading about how it's therapeutic to talk about it so here I am telling my story. I'll apologize now for this being so long. There is quite a bit to tell. Thanks in advance to those who read all of this offer any advice on what to do.
I seem to have a tendency to get involved with women who aren't good for me. I don't know why but for the entire time and beyond I do love them immensely. So here's the story of my latest.
A little back story about her. Since she was 5 years old she has been a dancer. She's 34 now. She has extreme mood swings as well. She's prone to lie. Although I don't think she realizes she's lying,if that makes any sense. I strongly believe that she believes it herself. She married the guy she lost her virginity too. She lost her virginity because her mom told her she needed to sleep with him or lose him. They got married after she got pregnant. He cheated on her throughout their entire marriage. She has two kids with him. Who ,if i may say so, are simply amazing individuals. She says she always feel like a concept to guys and only good for sex. She was diagnosed with Parkinson's disease about 8 months ago and can no longer work and because of that feels she is not worthy of being a partner. Most of her friends are self absorbed and are swingers. She is also a writer that posts a lot of her work on tumblr.
We were together for 4 years. Broke up twice during that time period. She cheated on me once. Which after that I became extremely paranoid which persisted throughout the remainder of the relationship. We broke up about 6 months ago after she became extremely depressed. She moved in with her mom. After about a month of being split up we started talking again and shortly thereafter having a sexual relationship. We enjoy each other's company. I am there for her when no one else is. She claims she's glad that I am still around and would be sad if I'm no longer there. I have stood by her when she's at her worst. So this relationship kept going with short periods of time that she would quit talking to me because she says she's depressed. I am confident that during this time she did not sleep with anyone else. She confessed to trying to be with another and it just didn't work out.
So fast forward to two weeks ago. She went to a party at one of her swinger friend's house and brought her oldest daughter along to babysit the kids. She met this other swinger couple. I don't believe she slept with him that night but I'm confident that she kissed him. That same night she called me up on her way home and asked me to come over. Of course we had sex. The next day she was fine till that evening and she started getting really quiet. I asked her what was wrong. She said she didn't feel good. We talked a bit more and during that conversation (I forget what was said at the moment) I started getting suspicious.
Here's where I admit my wrongdoing.
I know her email password so I checked it. She had emailed this other guy a long email about her likes(as far as sex goes) and what she was afraid of as far as pursuing being in an open relationship with him. Over the week she posted a writing about how she shouldn't have followed him so readily and that she can't share. We didn't talk much last week till Thursday in which we made plans to hang out on Friday. Friday rolls around and all of a sudden she remembers that she was supposed to go to her friend's house for a "friends xmas" She did actually go to that house. She also had sex with the guy that night. She was quiet all over again so once again I checked her email and she had a draft about how she shouldn't have followed him so readily again. She talked about how he left bruises on her and then told all his friends all their sexual acts that morning while she was there. She said that he talked about all his other girls while he was walking her to the door. That she was his lover and in the morning felt like a broken toy and that she was going to resolve to write and forget him. She said she hated that unless she's there he doesn't say much to her. Hence,she was quiet towards me once again.
Fast forward to Monday and because I'm a moron I checked her email again. She had sent him pictures of all her bruises. I text her and told her I knew about the open relationship and told her how she was just going to keep ending up hurt because of it. She said there is no one else and it's none of my business. Which it may not be but I'm not a toy she can pick up and play with for a little while before she puts me away again. I told her that. I told her we are having all of these current problems because she chose to sleep with a married man. That did not make her happy but I feel a little wake up call to the actual situation was needed. I told her point blank to either tell me she wouldn't care if I was no longer around. She refuses to answer that question.
This conversation is still going on a little bit today and I have no idea what to do anymore. I miss her so much and honestly I do love her and the kids. I feel so lost now.
I'm sorry. My own nervousness I must have forgot areas. We were/are married and have been for 4 years. We dated for 3 prior to getting married and split up about 6 months ago.
I'm trying to detach myself,it's just really difficult trying to adjust to all this. The book has been really insightful.
Also..today...she started texting me letting me know that she has plans tonight and where she is going. She said she felt she should let me know. I have no idea why. Also that she was going to text me tomorrow.
Oh and she's a runner. Prior to me her relationships usually only lasted a year before she ran away and in between those relationships she was breaking up with them a lot. She claims to have done this ever since her first divorce.
She text me yesterday to tell me that she had a neurology appointment that went really bad. Basically told her that she's too young to have any of these kind of problems and he won't entertain them. Her family doctor called afterwards and said "that he's an a*s because they have documented records that show she does have these problems."
She said she asked her doctor for a referral to a psychiatrist as well. I may just be grasping at straws here but that has to be good,right?
I am sorry for the situation you are in. The best advice I can give you is to speak with a Divorce Busting Coach as soon as possible. You have specific questions on how to respond to her and it would be extremely helpful to get advice from a professional regarding what you are dealing with. Divorce Busting coaches will give you the best guidance on how to save your marriage and get things moving in a more positive direction. Please call me to discuss our coaching program 303-444-7004.
Cristy Resource Coordinator The Divorce Busting Center 303-444-7004
A Divorce Busting Coach can help you save your marriage, even when your spouse wants out.
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