Chances are, If you are here, things in your life could be a lot better.
If you are here, you've known better days.
If you here, you want to be somewhere else.
All I can say that may reassure you, is that there IS hope. I KNOW this and here's how. In short, "Been there, done that".
Your marriage will either improve, end, or stagnate somewhere in between. At times, you may feel as if this last ^^ option is great. After all, ending your marriage seems to be the worst thing you can imagine at this moment. You may feel a fear like no other. You assume staying married, regardless of conditions, would mean you'll be in less pain.
But here are 2 things to know.
1) The end of your marriage, IF it happens, does NOT END YOU. You will still breathe, your heart will still beat, the sun will still rise and eventually, you will think straight. You will again laugh and love/be loved.
2) If you "DO DB", regardless of the marital status you experience, you WILL be a happier person.
Believe it or not, "Happier people" are simply better people. I don't mean the "la la land" folks who pretend or feign happiness, or who are superficially content b/c of outward symbols, like wealth or looks. Those are the "pseudo happy" folks you might see on TV.
No, I'm referring to the people who have learned what it means to be content. The people who know what it is, to be loving to another, and to feel loved by another. The people who know what it is to choose to feel in love & to relish & value being loved. To me, that's being happy.
I read that "self esteem" does NOT come from avoiding painful experiences or rough times.
True self esteem comes from facing & conquering those painful experiences. It comes from achieving things despite hardship, not avoiding hardship.
I think that's sort of like what being really happy & content means. When you KNOW what being in the valley is like, i.e., when you cannot see the top of the mountain b/c it's either too high for your eyes to view, or the fog is too dense,
you value the view from the top so much more.
When you are a happy, content person, you become a better person. Better partners, better parents, better friends, and all that yields you a better life.
Some of the WAS's around us have chosen to "find" happiness elsewhere or with another person. That hurts us and often hurts totally innocent "bystanders", like our children. Yet ultimately, it is their journey.
So we tell you to "GAL" and to "Detach" and God knows, we mean it. That doesn't mean we don't know your pain or feel for you. We do. My oh my, we DO.
We also know that life is short. And it's (supposed to be) a gift.
So if your life is NOT going as you wish it would, then friend, you must change what you CAN change. Accept what you cannot, and move on.
Become the person you were meant to become.
Yes, that means to become a husband/wife that only a fool would leave. And If your spouse still goes, so be it. People make mistakes every day. Some are revocable, some are not.
Just know that in time, you SHALL be a more loving, more loved, Happy person. Let's make that happen this year, shall we?
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
ME: 38 BF: 40 T: 10y, no kids, no M (by choice) BD: 7/14/14, BF admits to PA, wants out, lies about new R. 10/1/14: I move out, BF lies about move in with OW 12/4/14: OW confronted, reveals all the lies
Thank you! Your words are a great reminder to keep things in a healthy perspective. Here's wishing everyone the best!
M-44 W-44 Sons- 11&14 Married- 18 Together- 27 Separation mentioned- 9-29-14 Still together, but not "together" "if you feel rotten and forgotten, remember there'll be better days."
