barely holding on - 6

[T-Mom]

I think maybe if you write down the things you want to make sure you say, it will help you then and calm you down now. You ARE going to say things, and you want to keep it all in DB language.

[u-turn]

As I prepare, I feel like I have the same questions as many here today. When is it really time? What if I ignored it for another day? Likely, I will not feel better. It has been the imbalance of feelings and fairness that have been really taking its toll on me.

I could keep ignoring and GAL, but I really don't feel better. I am a planner, a person that comes up with creative solutions (people pay me for this) and problem solver and burying our heads is not a viable solution.

I have many scenarios going through my mind of how life will be if we hatchet this to pieces and in all of these, I think I would still feel like I failed and gave up. Didn't try hard enough.

I am not afraid to move on - just so sad about it. It's not what I've wanted. But living like this is not what I've wanted either.

[T-Mom]

I hear ya... it is not a good day at all, for me either... after the worst Christmas I have ever had.

[Bilbo79]

U-turn

My story is parallels your almost exactly. My W continues her affair since April. we are waiting until after her brothers wedding 1/18 before we have the talk. I think I would still have my head in the sand if it was not for the thought of our daughters seeing me in this situation and thinking since I was ok with it, then they should be too. The way our Ws are treating us is not how husband and wife should be. I want my daughters to know that it is not ok for someone to dragged your heart around, even if the other person is someone that is suppose to love you.
I do not want separation just like you but you have to realize that you can only control your actions.
And that you will be ok no matter what

[u-turn]

Sorry you are here. But it is a great place full of amazing people.

I've had these timelines before. And one has lead into another with an argument or extra niceness in between to manipulate the situation. There was always some reason to not address it. Point being. I think that,for your sanity, you don't let that happen.

Also,be strong in front of your kids. You are teaching them to love through adversity too. They are paying attention to you and learning from you. Great responsibility - right?

I wrestle with this.

If my kids knew what I was actually was dealing with, would they think I was weak and stupid or strong, loving, and devoted.

[Rick1963]

This must be hard on a planner. I was a planner also. I had it all figured out. But you cant plan life. Life plans for you. I learned my lesson. Honestly I like it better now. I look at today and sometimes tomorrow. That is as far as I will plan. I let go of trying to control. Im much happier and healthy.

[Bilbo79]

Uturn

I do not think loving someone who has made mistakes and fighting for a R that means the world to you makes you weak or stupid. But I do think we have to take stands. I am pretty sure that come the end of Jan., my W will say that she is not ready to end it with the OM. That is her choice, I have done all i can to save what we have for my girls and myself. She told me the other day that i should get some kind of award for being such a great husband and father. but again i know she is in way too deep with OM to see what she is giving up. So if she chooses him, then we will separate, that is the only move i see for me.

Just wanted to say to everyone on this forum that has been through what we are going through...thank you for your support. it really does help to know that you can come out the other side ok.

[T-Mom]

u-turn,
I completely agree with Bilbo! It is truly the WAS that are weak and stupid... or at least ignorant.

[u-turn]

Thanks Rick - I think I need to get there. I know I have been thinking that I can find a way out of this - a creative solution, but I cannot.

I have to let go of my idea of life's plans and just let it happen.

[u-turn]

Bilbo - I know in my case that I have been a mess for almost a year because of this and I do know that the A can be a symptom of the real issues, but I do not know what to do about that any more without taking a stand for my boundaries. There will be no movement until I make it.

t-mom - I know it seems clear to us, but we don't know what their feelings and thoughts really are.

Thanks for your support too - I wish you the best.