On a joy/happiness/self-worth scale of 1 to 10, I've pulled myself from a 2 to a 4 this morning by clearing out a few boxes, shaving for the first time in 3 days and taking a shower.
Last edited by Card29; 12/20/1404:03 PM.
Me 38, WAW 30 D11 (former marriage) S2 T 8 years M 3 years BD 8/20/23 S 8/20/23
This made me laugh and I really haven't laughed in a few days.
Me: 54 H: 58 Married: 29 years Together 33 years H admitted to A: 5/29/14 H moved out :6/15/14 OW lives 4 hours away and "occasionally" stays weekends with H D23 D18
I just had a realization about why this is hitting me so hard (even though it hits everyone hard). I've always wanted to avoid being my dad, especially his bad qualities. So I didn't drink until I was 29, I didn't go out and party once I settled down, I was a Mr Nice Guy which was the opposite of explosive and rage-filled (he was at times, not all of the time). But the last two weeks I've been full of self-loathing, I feel inadequate, ugly, unwanted, rejected. I guessed these feelings are normal after finding out your W wants a divorce, but I think I'm having an especially hard time because I really did become my dad. I'm not an alcoholic, but my W doesn't love me, just like my mom didn't love my dad even though they never got a D. I thought I'd been full of self-worth for my whole life. I thought I was a "catch", and I was content in our M. But was I depending on my W's acceptance of me to make me feel like that?
Me 38, WAW 30 D11 (former marriage) S2 T 8 years M 3 years BD 8/20/23 S 8/20/23
But the last two weeks I've been full of self-loathing, I feel inadequate, ugly, unwanted, rejected.
This is exactly how I have been feeling. I had planned on making myself get out and go shopping today with hopes of soaking up some Christmas cheer by osmosis. Fail. Still in my pajamas and it's 3PM.
Me: 54 H: 58 Married: 29 years Together 33 years H admitted to A: 5/29/14 H moved out :6/15/14 OW lives 4 hours away and "occasionally" stays weekends with H D23 D18
My shower/shave was the best thing I did today. That and taking D2 on a decently long walk despite the cold. Got a few tears out which at least took away someone of the pain
Me 38, WAW 30 D11 (former marriage) S2 T 8 years M 3 years BD 8/20/23 S 8/20/23
Not sure if this would work for you. But I find the best way to make me happy is to make someone else happy. It seems to be really working right now for me. Wishing a stranger marry Christmas, smiling. Thanking a friend or co-worker for help or just telling them they are doing a good job. If I do this I feel I really am a good person, and a catch and that my wife is fkd in the head for doing what she is doing..lol
M:35 W 31 D's:6, 4 & 2 T:9 M:7 ILYBNILWY- Mar/14 DP Served Dec.17/14
But the last two weeks I've been full of self-loathing, I feel inadequate, ugly, unwanted, rejected. I guessed these feelings are normal after finding out your W wants a divorce, but I think I'm having an especially hard time because I really did become my dad. I'm not an alcoholic, but my W doesn't love me, just like my mom didn't love my dad even though they never got a D. I thought I'd been full of self-worth for my whole life. I thought I was a "catch", and I was content in our M. But was I depending on my W's acceptance of me to make me feel like that?
I feel the same inadequacy, of course. I guess we all do.
What made a difference for me was to meet several friends and family members who really believe in me, who find me interesting and attractive. It gave me a boost which carried me for a few days and probably spared me a few lows.
I really like Zed's idea: try to make someone happy. I do it with my kids, but I'm going to try it with more people. It's nice already to take the focus off of myself.
M39 D6 D3 (at S) S 2014-09 D 2016-09
"You can't start a fire sitting around, crying over a broken heart" - Bruce Springsteen.
Not sure if this would work for you. But I find the best way to make me happy is to make someone else happy. It seems to be really working right now for me. Wishing a stranger marry Christmas, smiling. Thanking a friend or co-worker for help or just telling them they are doing a good job. If I do this I feel I really am a good person, and a catch and that my wife is fkd in the head for doing what she is doing..lol
At my work, I go out of my way to greet everyone who is a regular, say good bye.
Now if I'm not busy, I say it if I'm with someone I have a special wave. People are seeking me out. They like to feel welcome. I try to joke with them too, or have a funny story. Customers actually come and ask about my hounds and the latest disaster or what they have eaten this time. Those that have dogs too come and share with me.
I was in the past out going and happy. I became a negative depressed mute before and after bd I had added vomiting and Severe anxiety.
Last edited by Ggrass; 12/21/1412:49 AM.
M 46 h54 Both married before T 11y Bd 2/14 I must see where ow leads! Ms 18 hs 26
