I would cut down on interactions with W that are being used to temp check or find ways to get close in physical proximity. That needs to stop so W can sense and see that you are not going to be her sloppy seconds.
Fine, I'll test this approach for a while. In fact, I've been in that mode for a few days already. Just the facts, no warmth or banter. She just sent me stuff with smileys about D3's Christmas show and I would usually have replied something funny, something to connect, but I won't. I'll monitor the impact and will report here. What would be a sign of success?
---- PS: I apparently dodged the bullet on private schools. I waited 12 hours to respond to her email, quickly validated her concerns about quality of education and moved to the next question. She responded without a mention of private school.
M39 D6 D3 (at S) S 2014-09 D 2016-09
"You can't start a fire sitting around, crying over a broken heart" - Bruce Springsteen.
@Little yes she moved in with OM for that year and as we had no children there was no real need for contact, but I did the usual begging and pleading by text but she just ignored every message I sent her, after a couple of weeks of no response I just stopped sending her any text and I had no contact with her for the next 6 month, then out of the blue and on the day of my birthday she turned up at my work place with a gift and card, she was crying and told me how sorry she was for what she had done we hugged and we both were crying and then she left, well for the next 6 months we exchanged text maybe once a week just the usual hi how you doing stuff, but that all changed when I started dating W number 2, the one I'm Dbing now, that seemed to send W number 1 in to panic mode as she could see she was going to lose me for ever, so then the frantic phone calls started declaring her love for me and how we should make a go of our M and it was a huge mistake, at this time I was actually in love with w1 and W2 at the same time but I chose W number 2
A sad thing is W number 1 died only 4 weeks ago from cancer, I went to her funeral, I chatted to her family and they told me she had never stopped loving me and always regretted what she did
Thanks for sharing your story, paul 47. The six months of silence is impressive. It drives home the point that we need to give space and be patient.
There seems to be a typo in your story. In the first paragraph, you say "W2, the one Im DBing now" and in the second paragraph, you write "W2 died 4 weeks ago". My sympathies, by the way.
M39 D6 D3 (at S) S 2014-09 D 2016-09
"You can't start a fire sitting around, crying over a broken heart" - Bruce Springsteen.
A sad thing is W number 1 died only 4 weeks ago from cancer, I went to her funeral, I chatted to her family and they told me she had never stopped loving me and always regretted what she did
Thanks paul. Would you mind sharing what went through your mind when she came back with the gift after six months? Why was it that you only exchanged weekly texts rather than engage further at that point?
---- I had dinner with a friend who gave a huge boost to my PMA. As I was telling her I'm not really attractive, she jumped in to differ strongly, telling me I'm super attractive, intelligent, witty, ambitious, successful, etc. I walked home with a spring in my step and an air of confidence like I'm Ryan Gosling. May you all meet a friend like this very soon. ;-)
M39 D6 D3 (at S) S 2014-09 D 2016-09
"You can't start a fire sitting around, crying over a broken heart" - Bruce Springsteen.
@Little yes she moved in with OM for that year and as we had no children there was no real need for contact, but I did the usual begging and pleading by text but she just ignored every message I sent her, after a couple of weeks of no response I just stopped sending her any text and I had no contact with her for the next 6 month, then out of the blue and on the day of my birthday she turned up at my work place with a gift and card, she was crying and told me how sorry she was for what she had done we hugged and we both were crying and then she left, well for the next 6 months we exchanged text maybe once a week just the usual hi how you doing stuff, but that all changed when I started dating W number 2, the one I'm Dbing now, that seemed to send W number 1 in to panic mode as she could see she was going to lose me for ever, so then the frantic phone calls started declaring her love for me and how we should make a go of our M and it was a huge mistake, at this time I was actually in love with w1 and W2 at the same time but I chose W number 2 A sad thing is W number 1 died only 4 weeks ago from cancer, I went to her funeral, I chatted to her family and they told me she had never stopped loving me and always regretted what she did
Paul
Please accept my condolences about your first w's death. That stinks.
So, do you have any regrets on your end about that marriage not getting another chance? (I'm not judging you - I'm just asking ) - especially since you ended up here anyhow, with w#2.
What role do you feel you may have played in your first and or second m's issues - and do you worry a lot about repeating that again? I mean, did You do any growing or changing? Is this the first time you've come here for help?
I ask this b/c you have had the benefit of some time. However, my former bil is in his second failing m (he left my sister after 3 kids and 22 years and regretted doing that, but she had moved on and remarried, pretty happily)
and yet he's still sort of the same, but really sad.
What "insurance" are you going to try to create that would reduce the chances of you ending up back here with another wife?
No offense meant, just asking about the learning curve, digging deep within, and goals, etc.
Last edited by 25yearsmlc; 12/10/1405:07 AM.
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
To tell you the truth mozza I still loved her but I knew in my heart I could never forget and forgive her for what she had done especially as they were no children to worry about, and I was just starting to enjoy my life again I had a whole new unit of friends and my life was quite exciting at that time, maybe I could have got her back at that 6 month point but I had no wish to do that When children are involved well that's a different ballgame I will do anything to keep my family together
Not to hijack your thread but I'm wondering if there are any success stories in situations where the WAS has moved in with OP and then later decided the grass wasn't so green after all and went back to LBS.
I'm feeling like I need a couple pick me ups of "it's possible"!
