Hey all. I started posting on this site after the 4 months of separation. I actively participated in the site and message boards for a few months. Eventually I dropped off. Not because I don't believe in the techniques listed (I do). Not because of the support I received (I did). I stopped checking regularly and reading into my stich and everyone else's, because it made me look at every single conversation from a lens of is this working, is this not working.
I will say this. Detaching is the single best thing that you can do, because it has made all the difference in my stitch. It's impossible to stop caring and loving the other person, but it is possible to not allow the other person's emotions to dictate how you live your life. The easiest way to do that is to pretend that you don't care, because eventually you stop caring.
I am currently at the best spot that I have been post separation. I have realized that whatever relationship develops between my WAW and myself will be a new one. We both still love each other, it is obvious. Yet we were in a relationship that was flawed and needed to be fixed. Rather than criticizing her choice to leave, I now realize that if she didn't, a long and healthy relationship would never have been possible.
We spend time together as a family frequently. We have good conversation. I follow the 37 rules the best that I can. Following the rules really didn't start becoming easy, until I felt detached. I honestly don't know if we will ever have a relationship again. I would like to think so, but if not, we will have a solid partnership to raise our kids in.
Recently, we have been getting along so well things seemed like old times (minus any physical interaction). I recently felt her acting a bit cold towards me. More distant than anything. That is sign number one to back off and backtrack. Not ask what's wrong. I'm acting oblivious as to why she would be upset, because I realize it wasn't my doing. I took my kids to see Phantom of the Opera this weekend (her favorite play), I even invited her, which she politely declined. I didn't reach out to her until she reached out to me, and when I became a little more chatty, she became less chatty, so I am in the process of pulling back.
I can't read her mind, but I am assuming Thanksgiving is possibly causing some uneasiness, as we haven't discussed it and I don't intend to. She has the kids that day, and I'll let her initate any dialogue between me regarding that.
