The whole weight loss roller coaster that it causeS after BD and lack of sleep is something that you think will never end but it does thank god .
I used my initial weight loss as the kick starter that I neded .
About 5 years ago I was nearly 18 stone which was bad and did have a go at a few diets and have been down to 14 stone previously but never really had the will power to keep it going .
It's taken a bit of hard work but to be honest I think that having a slightly less complicated life really helps .
And the motto about becoming a man only a fool would leave .
Me 40 W 37 Together 22 years S18 D12 WaW 12/08/14 after affair exposed , suspected for several months W returned home for 2 weeks to see if can handle family life After the 2 weeks she has left .
Here goes the million dollar question and I'm ready for the 2x4s .
The whole moving on thing .
Been on a few dates with an old friend and we have a great time but I feel myself holding back and I'm not sure why .
Is it because I've still got them impenetrable walls up or that I'm still hoping that W will realise what she has done and want to come back .
Is it to soon to be going on dates and maybe should I wait until everything is sorted with regards the house .
I'm just in a real dilemma at the moment and fearful of hurting other people .
Advise much appreciated .
Me 40 W 37 Together 22 years S18 D12 WaW 12/08/14 after affair exposed , suspected for several months W returned home for 2 weeks to see if can handle family life After the 2 weeks she has left .
Hi South - I've seen a few debates about this....it's a tricky one for sure.
I think the priorities should be healthy healing from your R breakdown and not hurting someone else because it's too soon for you.
In terms of healing, we all know that an OP can offer some welcome respite from the pain and provide some affirmation of your attractiveness and whatever else. AFter being rejected by our WAS's, that can feel really good. But equally, there are things to learn and we don't want to get swept into a new (rebound?) R and miss out on the learning, otherwise we risk repeating mistakes next time around.
It may be best to be very honest with your friend. I have a great time when we go out, but I can feel myself holding back a little. W and I S in August, but some things aren't yet resolved. It would be great to see you again, but I want to keep things light. I'm not ready to jump into another R right now - even though you're great!
I'm not dating right now (we S in July) and may not be ready for a while. I was asked out a couple months ago, but just said I'm not dating right now. He's a nice guy though, and I wouldn't mind going out for a friendly drink or two maybe. But I'd have to be honest that I may not have much to offer someone right now...
The other big Q is what if your W wanted to reconcile. Would you want to try again with your W?
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
Simple answer South74, yes. You need to be completely over your WAS. You need to have accepted there is no going back. Who knows what the long term future is, but the present is what I am talking about. When the time comes for you to have a new relationship, then you need to be prepared to put in 100%. Not constantly worry about the old marriage. That isn't to say you don't think about the old marriage, but you just don't dwell on it. You also have to be in the mindset, that you don't want your WAS back either. My sitch if you wish to read it: I spent about 19 months fighting for my marriage. I gave myself (WAS) three strikes in my mind: moved out (strike 1), split assets (strike 2) and not come back to the city when our work time was up (strike 3). I now have a beautiful new partner of just over a year, I have started divorce proceedings a few months ago and am moving on. I tried very hard to fix my marriage, for whatever reasons, nothing worked. I now have a new life, a better me and a great future to look forward to. Only you can make the decision South74, good luck with it.
ME:51 W:46 M:25 S:22, S:20 Divorced 16/9/15 BD 10/12 W left 12/12 with OW, affair confirmed Nov/12. Dark since 6/13 I"m in a new relationship since Feb 14.
Hi South - I've seen a few debates about this....it's a tricky one for sure.
I think the priorities should be healthy healing from your R breakdown and not hurting someone else because it's too soon for you.
In terms of healing, we all know that an OP can offer some welcome respite from the pain and provide some affirmation of your attractiveness and whatever else. AFter being rejected by our WAS's, that can feel really good. But equally, there are things to learn and we don't want to get swept into a new (rebound?) R and miss out on the learning, otherwise we risk repeating mistakes next time around.
It may be best to be very honest with your friend. I have a great time when we go out, but I can feel myself holding back a little. W and I S in August, but some things aren't yet resolved. It would be great to see you again, but I want to keep things light. I'm not ready to jump into another R right now - even though you're great!
I'm not dating right now (we S in July) and may not be ready for a while. I was asked out a couple months ago, but just said I'm not dating right now. He's a nice guy though, and I wouldn't mind going out for a friendly drink or two maybe. But I'd have to be honest that I may not have much to offer someone right now...
The other big Q is what if your W wanted to reconcile. Would you want to try again with your W?
Thanks for your reply and the last bit is the bit that niggles me in the back of my mind and I think until I'm clear on that then I need to be honest with my friend and Aldo myself .
Me 40 W 37 Together 22 years S18 D12 WaW 12/08/14 after affair exposed , suspected for several months W returned home for 2 weeks to see if can handle family life After the 2 weeks she has left .
Simple answer South74, yes. You need to be completely over your WAS. You need to have accepted there is no going back. Who knows what the long term future is, but the present is what I am talking about. When the time comes for you to have a new relationship, then you need to be prepared to put in 100%. Not constantly worry about the old marriage. That isn't to say you don't think about the old marriage, but you just don't dwell on it. You also have to be in the mindset, that you don't want your WAS back either. My sitch if you wish to read it: I spent about 19 months fighting for my marriage. I gave myself (WAS) three strikes in my mind: moved out (strike 1), split assets (strike 2) and not come back to the city when our work time was up (strike 3). I now have a beautiful new partner of just over a year, I have started divorce proceedings a few months ago and am moving on. I tried very hard to fix my marriage, for whatever reasons, nothing worked. I now have a new life, a better me and a great future to look forward to. Only you can make the decision South74, good luck with it.
Thanks for your reply . Like the 3 strikes idea and I'm at 2 strikes and my third would be her actually living with OM . So unless I fall helplessly in love with someone it's a waiting and learning and growing in myself game .
Me 40 W 37 Together 22 years S18 D12 WaW 12/08/14 after affair exposed , suspected for several months W returned home for 2 weeks to see if can handle family life After the 2 weeks she has left .
