Hi! I've been married for 20 years. This is my second marriage. We both never thought we would be in this place, looking at each other and not liking where we are at. But for me I'm so heartbroken. I'm at the point now where I just want to run, give up, I'm tired of trying to always be the person to change. Why is it that H never want to be accountable for their take in when things started going wrong. What happened to the H who wants to be the strong one. Why is it so hard right now to be strong. I'm loosing it. He. Is not a fair person. I'm not allowed to feel, or to tell him how he has hurt me. He doesn't care to know how his actions have affected me. We have a daughter together and 2 sons from a previous marriage, mine. He helped me raise my sons as his own, he loved them and treats them even now as his own. I'm so grateful for him for that. The Boys are both out of the house, one is married with my first grandchild, the other has a steady girlfriend. Our daughter is 19, going to college and living at home. I'm also going to college. I'm almost finished. Going to be a Phlebotomist! Graduate in December this year! Very excited about my new journey! It's either do or die! My husband has been supportive but has been giving me an emotional pause. We are very disconnected emotionally. I'm very alone when it comes to "us". So much more, just scratching the surface.
to home it may concern, I need a list of all the abbreviations I am seeing in the posts and threads. Do not know a lot of them. How do I get a list of them?
To add to my posting above, this is Jeanne7. I'm ready to get off the roller coaster,but I'm having trouble and need guidance.I really do not have the tools in what to do that will reverse all the damage that has happened. I have been reading a lot of these postings and I find it logical but Logic is hard to do when I'm such an emotional mess. I called a friend who told me about Divorce Busting and she even gave me a book on it. The book really gave me new ideas. I really thought if you express or articulate your feelings well enough the husband would wake up and smell the coffee, boy was I wrong! Quit the opposite. He doesn't want to know when he hurts me or when I've been rejected. When is the husband accountable for his actions in this program? I'm hoping to get there but I have to start at the beginning. I'm ready. My husband and I are both in our mid 50's I started MLC about 10 years ago. It was very hard because pre-MLC I was easy going and nothing bothered me ...to much. I say back 2006 we had a 5 year plan, BIG MISTAKE! That is when he went back to school to get his Masters in Business. His reason is so it would be job security. So if laid off again, he would be more marketable. I thought it to be a smart move and I agreed. We were still raising our youngest daughter and our middle son had just graduated from High School. My daughter approaching High School meant that I would be very involved in School activities. My husband now is my 2nd marriage, and we just hit our 20 years! We did celebrate because we both felt we needed a long awaited break and we went to California. It was good, it was just him and I and no distractions. No familiar people who made me feel like we were never along. But everything changed and we both went back into status quo actions and responses, or lack of response. I would say my husband started MLC about 7 years ago. I really had no idea that all of this could just be him. I really blamed myself for a lot of the arguments. H e clearly pointed them all to me, I was the problem, it's my fault, it's all in my head, I am crazy. That is to say a few things he was always saying to me. I know I was very confused, lonely and heart broken, that my husband who always loved me, supported me, spoiled me and made me his one and only in his world started changing little by little and I began to realized that it was, I, living in a fantasy world. I was really looking through rose colored glasses. All I can say is I was heart broken and I still am. I really can look back an see where it all began and how I would change things if I could go back in time. I need someone to help me. Their is so much more, I haven't even touched the surface. But my eyes are filled with tears and the old emotions are still in me. I need to move ahead but I don't know how.
ME: 38 BF: 40 T: 10y, no kids, no M (by choice) BD: 7/14/14, BF admits to PA, wants out, lies about new R. 10/1/14: I move out, BF lies about move in with OW 12/4/14: OW confronted, reveals all the lies
Have you expressed these feelings to him? I can tell you from exp of my own, men cant just read the signs, we need blunt to the point truth. I missed it all i. My R, and now suffering the consequences. Start seeing a MC. Sorry to see you here, my heart goes out to you!
ME: 29 / W: 29 M: 10 (11 in March 2015) BD (ILYBNILWY): 07/26/14 S:12 / S: 7 "We need to separate" : 08/31/14 Wants to see others: 10/11/14 Separation looming
Jeanne7 - You should consider reading The 5 Love Languages. It talks about situations just like yours. There might be hope. Keep in mind that you can only control yourself so the initial efforts will have to come from you entirely.
M39 D6 D3 (at S) S 2014-09 D 2016-09
"You can't start a fire sitting around, crying over a broken heart" - Bruce Springsteen.
Hi, I can't even count how many times I have clearly articulated my concerns my feelings and my desires, dreams and even boundaries. I have to admit I've been told by h that I'm mean in the way I approach him. At first I'm humble, trying to open my heart in how I feel, then H listens, then blasts me with the most negative response,( point the problem back at me), it becomes a ping pong expedition. I've been married 20 years with this guy. I've bend over backwards to explain but it always blow up. He doesn't want to know that he is hurting me.
Thank you for your response, my h and I have read the 5 love languages. I still apply them but they do change through the years. Maybe rereading it would help. Thank you for your advise Mozza.
