I am slowly closing the door on my M and W. She still denys the OM, but I saw them together 5 days after I helped her move out and when I talked to him two days after that (community event with children)he blushed...I am not denying it anymore, nor will I live in the past.
I am attending DivorceCare, which is a religious care program - it helps a little. Working out everyday - helps alot Flirting with women at the gym - helps a little Writing on here and talking to friends - helps alot
I not to sure if I can say that I love her after this...I Loved her deeply before and during this process but now that things are more clear with the OM and after what she has put my children and me through (and whatever is to come) alows me to move on (at least that is how I have felt for the last few days)
I am going to take some time and find myself again before I start dating but then I do want to find another friend.
Thanks Starsky - I'm glad for you and your wife.
W-43 H-41 M-19 T-21 Kids S-15 D-13 S-11 OM/EA/PA suspected 7/4/14 Talk of Seperation 7/5/14 Slept in same bed, held each other nightly until 2/1/15 W moved out 2/1/15 I am moving on
I would encourage you not to think in absolutes through this. Continue to "give grace" toward your wife (while holding firm on your boundaries), and leave at least a little side window to your heart open to her. Even 20% of divorced couples remarry, nearly always reporting that the new marriage is way better than it was before.
By remaining forgiving and civil (again, while holding firm to your boundaries and protecting your family), you keep a future option open . . . for YOU.
Keep coming here to write, ask questions, journal. Someone is in the same boat here. Several people will read. It may help them. Others will give advice. Use this as a safe place for learning and reflection. You may not always get people posting on your thread or answering your questions, so read around on other threads. There is sometimes answers found there that will get you through. Starsky309 is right...Have to leave the window open a little, just for her, just in case
Me43/WAW43..M 4y..S1 11/S2 4..Bomb2/2014..Dfile 5/2014..Settlement signed 8/20/14..D final 8/29/14 I moved out 10/10/14..WAW got D she wanted. I wanted R. No waiting,just no boundaries in her way.
Thanks guys, I do have feelings for her but everything that she has stated and done show me that she is moving on. Yes I accept that possibility and if she wanted back I would give it serious consideration because (in order of importance) of my children, myself, and her. I do not want a person who does not show me affection or intimacy. We did have great times together and did have that attraction (before OM / EA /?PA) but it went away for her at that time. She threw away all of her sexy clothes, withdrew, stopped taking showers with me, kept herself covered up and shut the door when changing, only made love when drunk, drank to much, smoked to much, and was outright angry at the end. So yea, I miss who she was but I hate who she allowed herself to become. I am lucky it has gone as smoothly as it has (she moved out, did not hire a lawyer, agreed to terms that I wanted, 50-50 kids). It happened this way because she knew she was wrong, and possibly new it was only time that was preventing me from discovering the truth (if I did - I would have had primary custody and would not have made such financial sacrifices). Most of me would not want that for my kids as I think she is a great mother, she just became a ****** wife. My oldest boy knows who was wrong, has not put it together yet with the OM, but it is coming. I like the comments that you have had about "her choices...Her consequences"...I think she is starting to see them now, but I know that it is going to get worse for her after the kids put it together. So yea, I have a spot for her in my heart still. But I am not going to live in the past and let this define me. It was her issue, her choice, and I will let her accept the consequences. Right now I cannot forgive, nor will I ever forget, and I definatly will not sit around waiting (as I have for the past 7 months). I hope with time and God's help (they say he has a plan for me???) I will be able to forgive. But right now I have too much anger twards her and the OM. Keep the faith guys, love you all (read that in as masculine of the sense that you can). HA
W-43 H-41 M-19 T-21 Kids S-15 D-13 S-11 OM/EA/PA suspected 7/4/14 Talk of Seperation 7/5/14 Slept in same bed, held each other nightly until 2/1/15 W moved out 2/1/15 I am moving on
Hrd, I just want to say that you handled the discussion with your children really well. I almost cried reading it. I am dreading the day that my children will have to be told. You are a stronger person for having gone through it, no doubt. RAI
Thanks Starsky, I agree...but am not in that place right now. In time I am sure.
RAI, hardest thing I have ever done-telling the kids. You can see my journey through these posts but stay in touch if I can do anything for you or give any advice (I have identified much that I would have changed...not that it would have made any difference).
W-43 H-41 M-19 T-21 Kids S-15 D-13 S-11 OM/EA/PA suspected 7/4/14 Talk of Seperation 7/5/14 Slept in same bed, held each other nightly until 2/1/15 W moved out 2/1/15 I am moving on
W-43 H-41 M-19 T-21 Kids S-15 D-13 S-11 OM/EA/PA suspected 7/4/14 Talk of Seperation 7/5/14 Slept in same bed, held each other nightly until 2/1/15 W moved out 2/1/15 I am moving on
W-43 H-41 M-19 T-21 Kids S-15 D-13 S-11 OM/EA/PA suspected 7/4/14 Talk of Seperation 7/5/14 Slept in same bed, held each other nightly until 2/1/15 W moved out 2/1/15 I am moving on
...stay in touch if I can do anything for you or give any advice (I have identified much that I would have changed...not that it would have made any difference).
As far as things you would have changed, if it is not still too raw, what comes to mind first?
Regardless, thanks for the offer. I have a feeling I will be calling on you soon. Unfortunately.
