Just opening a new thread as previous one had locked. First thread took two months. Second thread took two weeks.
Quick Summary - WAH husband has filed for divorce and been revealed to have been living with OW since BD despite strenuous denials to the contrary. This was discovered via oldest daughter asking about PDAs she had witnessed between them. Had to tell kids we will no longer be married.
This morning I am adjusting a bit to my new reality. STBX has the kids. It always amazes me to think that bafore BD, I longed for a few days of complete peace and quiet and now that I have them forced on me - I hate them. My kids should be here getting ready for school and eating breakfast.
Earlier in the separation, it was easier to take because I has some hope about the situation with STBX, but now that a divorce is more of a certainty, its a lot harder. I know people adjust, but ye gads and little fishes, how I hate my kids sleeping away from home.
Working very hard on trying to have some positive thoughts about STBX- its very easy right now to let hostility creep in and that won't help anyone, and its pretty obvious that at least for a while, I'm going to have to be the grown up here. I hope I don't actually bite my tongue off.
How life has changed....spending morning interviewing mediators and arranging with STBX's attorney to be served with papers.
I keep wondering if STBX is really in MLC. My DB coach thought so - but when I read the thread about "Chaos kids" I have to say they don't really fit him. He has some issues with his Dad- but overall had a pretty stable childhood. It didn't really matter before - because my DB approach was the same, but now that we are actually divorcing I worry about his behavior more (some of the stories on the MLC board are pretty scary).
Onward, raliced. Excellent choice of word. It implies resolve. And hope.
Thank you for checking in on me. Looks like you are having a similarly miserable time. I, too, must frequently remind myself that my W is not the bad guy in her own eyes - that her exhaustion with our life and our marriage has pushed her to this. All indications are that she feels justified in her actions.
Whether she is a good mother to the children in my absence will be closely monitored. I'm keeping a calendar - days taken off her hands, etc. I suggest you do the same. Because the fog can turn dangerous sometimes. Other than that, rope dropped. Bon Voyage, my former darling.
Me: 43 XW: 43 T15 M14 D21, SS15, S11, D8 BD: 8/6 EA / possible PA discovered 9/29 D final 10/20
Just saw H at soccer practice - took D3 home (D6 is going for an extra night that was arranged before the latest bomb hit). He is positively beaming - I guess not having to hide his living situation any more makes him feel fantastic.
Of course D3 immediately starting chirping "we saw Lisa", "Do you want to see Lisa? And my blood just boiled.
I know I have to keep my cool - I know if I get angry it will make this situation 10 times worse - but I was visibly upset. Crum! I just don't know how I'm going to get throught the next few exchanges.
That sounds extremely tough, raliced. You are human though so cut yourself some slack for being visibly upset. It's a freaking upsetting situation! In time you'll regain your cool.
H 37 Me 36 Together 15 years Married 5 years No kids BD Apr 2014 H moved out 2 Jun 2014
Sorry about all that, raliced. Lisa is just a symptom, so don't waste any energy thinking about her, although it's terrible to think that your kids have to be around her. If you're lucky, she will turn out to be a good person and be a positive force in your kids life, but it could take years to get to a place of peace with that, given how the situation has come about.
At least you have clarity and conviction going into the D. The process will not be fun, but just know that it won't last forever, and that you'll come through this just fine. And will emerge stronger and better.
M: 43 H: 39 D: 14 Married 15 Together 16 BD: 6/2014 S: 8/2014 OW revealed 10/2014 Instigated dissolution 12/2014, in progress So over it!
