My husband and I have been together for 3 years and married for 2. He has another daughter from a previous relationship and we have our son together. His daughter is 8, and our son is almost 1.5 years old.
When we first started dating, everything was great. My husband is a great father, and that really drove me to him. I loved (and still love) his daughter a great deal, that's why he decided to marry me- to be the mother that she needed.
I got pregnant immediately when we married, and was having a great deal of sickness and mood swings. I suppose this led to us fighting and bickering. Then my son was born, and I began to experience post partum depression. It was a difficult time for me, and I don't think my husband knew how to handle it, so he didn't really try. At this point in our marriage, things with my step daughter and I worsened. We fought and yelled. My husband never let me any authority over her, so I yelled at her for fear of her walking all over me. We started to go to counseling this past August. I say we, but of the 3 sessions, he only attended the first while I attended by myself. Things were starting to get better with my step-daughter, and I really thought that things were turning around. My husband is in the military, so we spent a great deal of time discussing the places our family wanted to go. The week before Labor Day he was gone for six days. He's in school, so two nights out of the week, I expected him to be home at 9 or so, that was normal. He also said that week that he had Duty, which meant he stays at work all night to make sure none of the arriving service members mess up. I was by myself with the children Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, & Friday. He came home reasonably that Friday, but I had to go drop his daughter off with my parents for the weekend, so I didn't get back until later. Then, Saturday he told me he was going over to a friends to shoot guns and hang out with the guys. He didn't come home that night, and told me that he and everyone else had been drinking. Sunday, he didn't come home until the afternoon. By this point, I was beyond upset and freaking out that he had died in an accident or something. That was kind've a slap in the face to me and told me that he didn't care about our relationship.So, on Monday (Labor Day) I became very hysterical. We picked his daughter up from my parents and went home. I asked her to do a few simple things, and she ignored me. Then, we got into it and were yelling in front of the kids, something I do not like doing. I packed my crap and went to a hotel, taking our son. Later that night, I looked on his Facebook messages to find out that he had been seeing another woman the entire weekend.
We decided to try to work things out, but I think I didn't want to because it was too much for me to handle. Divorcing was easier at the time. We had a hearing on Monday over jurisidiction, and that was the first time I saw my husband in over a month. Our communication since then was very spotty. But when I saw him, it was like no time had passed. We were laughing about our lawyers, and all I wanted to do was kiss him. I decided that day that I truly love my husband and I want to make it work.
He, on the other hand, does not. He "Loves me, but is not in love with me". I think the other woman is involved and maybe that's why he doesn't want to work it out. He says it's because his daughter is happier, but he told me she's failing in school and having trouble with friends. He confided in me that he doesn't think he's making the right decision. I of course, begged and pleaded to be taken back. Since then, I've stopped begging. We agreed to go to our counselor we went to before, but only to work on our communication, and not really our relationship. We're talking everyday, texting. I don't talk about the divorce, or our relationship, just the present time.
But now, I'm thinking that I want to move back in our home. I live 4 hours away, and I lost jurisidiction in the divorce, so I'll have to travel to where he resides anyway. I don't see it as anything going far with our relationship, but at least he can help me with his son, and it would financially make sense. I have started DB, but am not hoping for a miracle. I just hope that even if it doesn't make our marriage work, that at least it can help me cope and make into a better wife and mother the next time around.
At odds with myself. Taking it day by day. The struggle continues!
I am sorry that you are in this situation. However, you are quite right about learning the priciples of Divorce Busting, for now and the future. I urge you to speak too a Divorce Busting Coach while there is still time to make effective change and keep your marriage and family in tact. Please call me to discuss our Divorce Busting Coaching program. 303-444-7004
Roberta, Resource Coordinator The Divorce Busting Center 303-444-7004 Roberta@divorcebusting.com
