Dealing with WAW part 7

[pilot]

Old thread here

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2486639&page=1


Haha guys at the shrine idea. As funny as it is, that is probably the last thing going on in there. I know ultimately it does not matter, and there is nothing I could do about it should I find out there is OM. It is just annoying. I am not sure I mentioned it but every facetime is done from her car (maybe one or two from inside facing a corner). I am headed to her area to get the kids at 8 in the morning. I am positive she will not be at her place and will want to meet somewhere. Oh well. I am taking the kiddos and my dad (dads bday) to New Orleans in the morning for the day. Will be a fun time!

[sandi2]

Now you have stirred my curiosity!

[igit]

Hey Pilot, I hope you had a great time in N.O..that is quite a town. Just catching up on your thread. How are you doing! It sounds good to hear WAW is opening up a bit. I consider this a voctory. How is soccer going. Limbo isn't the best of places to be. You have to stay positive. Life has a way of getting in the way sometimes. Not a bad thing.

[pilot]

igit, not really too much on the W front. Nothing new. She is not really opening up in a consistent manner. Really just that one day. I do not think I have seen or talked to her much really. I will see her in the morning, as we have a meeting with one of S5 teachers early tomorrow. We also have soccer practice. It is my week with the kiddos, and I will NOT be asking her to Moes tomorrow! Hah.

Soccer has been going great. It really is herding cats when you coach 3 year olds. The 5 year olds are a little better, but I have 2 kids that do nothing but fight, then their parents argue with each other as to who's kid started it.

A REALLY interesting development happened in the past 2 days. Mostly last night and today. Basically I went and had drinks with one of W's friends (from before I met W) and long story short, this friend confessed she had always had a crush on me and was always super jealous of my W because she was married to me. I will leave this story at that.... But it definitely got interesting!

I hope you are doing well buddy. I have been slacking on my DB forum reading/posting the past few days.

[pilot]

I have spoken in the past about how I still pay certain bills for W. I have bitched and moaned privately, and here, but I have always paid them when she asked for the money. My thinking/mood now is the next time she asks to simply say no. If she asks for details, I will be honest, and say I no longer will participate in this life she has chosen. I do not agree with it, and therefore, I will not contribute to it. If she wants to continue the path she has chosen, good luck, but you are on your own.

FWIW we have no separation agreement. I have simply grown tired of her expecting me to drop everything and take care of things for her and never a single 'thank you' or acknowledgement.

Any thoughts or opinions?

[B-V2]

Hi Pilot,

Newbie poster here, and like most, I have been reading for some time before starting to post here as from late last week.

Your thread is one I have been following: excellent confidence booster you just received from your W's friend (I was just writing about such, as part of becoming/being attractive)!

[Riley]

Pilot,

Good on your decision to not be the financial blanket for your W. Part of the path in my opinion is showing the other party how difficult life can be on one income.

I would like to hear more stories of you and this other girl. I am in somewhat of a similar situation although I do not intend for anything serious to occur.

[igit]

Pilot, I like the way you are thinking. I 100% agree with the no more $$$ help. It's a big bad world out there and I wouldn't enable any longer. You might just take the bull by the horns and say something like. WAw I miss you and the kids miss you and want you to come home. Show her some real strength when you say this. She has seen the impact this has had on everyone by now. I don't know if vets would like this or not. You don't have to make it an ultimatum. Just say it and let it go for her to think about. PILOT I know how you feel. It's frustrating! Stay strong and show your boys that you love there mom and will persevere.

[gan]

Hey Pilot, sounds like a health boundary to me. I guess the only consideration is the nature of the bills you are paying and whether not paying could have any possible consequence to the kiddos if she failed to pay? (sorry - not fully up to speed with this aspect of your sitch)

[Maybell]

I'm going to take a slightly different tack here.

Remembering, I AM NOT A LAWYER.

I think just cutting her off unilaterally is going to raise a HUGE stink and drive her into legal arms.

Is that what you want?

In my sitch, I found that I'm emotionally not ready to pull the legal separation trigger, divide the assets, etc. When I talked to the lawyer, I found that it is absolutely possible to make a financial agreement with my husband that gives me some security without doing anything too dramatic to the finances or the legal condition of the marriage. Owing to the developments in my sitch, I haven't done that yet either, but it's out there.

Like what your W has done or not, you are under certain moral and legal obligations to provide for your family. If you want to pull the rug out from under her in a way that keeps the road home paved, then I suggest you talk to a lawyer, find out what your legal requirement WRT support are, and then make a contract with your wife that puts that into effect.

Then, she can't ask you for financial help because she's getting what she's entitled to. She can ask you for other kinds of help, but as part of your distancing you can politely decline. But your a$$ is covered and she won't have recourse to the law that would force her to do more than you are willing to do.

If you do all that, and considering the conversation you had with her friend, then I think you should take a few weeks to think really hard about what it is you want.

My two cents.