I was talking to my sponsor several weeks ago and I was lamenting the fact that communication with my wife always seemed like a tug-of-war. So he says, then let go of the rope.
Duh.
In my defense, that was before I found this place, lol.
Me 47 - W 35 M 9 - T 10 2 Daughters - 7 & 9 Discovery of EA- 8/4/14 S - 8/5/15 D mentioned - 9/11/14 R & Piecing - 3/17/15 Regard one another as more important than yourselves. - Philippians 2:3
I did the Facebook thing too. I was so disappointed. My H took off all our pictures and his relationship status wasn't married anymore. Plus, he started adding girls on fb. I still check it once in a while. He has never been into Facebook updates or posting pictures. He had a phase when he kept posting so much,made me think he was just lonely and had nothing much going on.he still exchanges msg with a girl in a foreign country. But, somehow the Facebook deal, I expected it. It hurt for a while but I think I'm getting better at being happy with the things I can control. He deleted so many pics off his phone but kept the pic of when I was in labor. He told me a week ago he thinks about the time he almost lost me. He also has a passport size pic of me and a little penguin bandaid I gave him when we were dating, in his wallet. So, those things give me hope. I guess what I'm trying to say is that maybe there are little things that you have missed that she is keeping for memory
Me:27 H:26 T:3 M:1.5 D 6 months D bomb: 6/21/14 I Moved out 9/7/14
Jefe, good for you, detaching while she's spewing. Good thick spew jacket you're wearing! Consider that a positive step in the right direction. It's all about baby steps. One inch at a time. It's a noble pursuit to save your marriage and be proud of that. But at the same time be humbled by the fact that you're human and you will backslide from time to time. When you do, don't panic. Just brush yourself off pick yourself up and carry on DBing. You did well, keeping a PMA in the face of your ranting W. If you keep it up she may see that you're desirable. It's a fickle dance. But learn from my mistakes. Don't pursue or pressure her to reconcile. Let the universe unfold as it will. There's a greater power at work here. We must all remain patient and trust in the process.
M: 59 W: 53 M: 9 yrs T: 14 yrs No kids together but D30(hers), S27, S24, D21(all 3 mine) W moved out 11/18/2013 D-Day 12/14/2013 W moved back home 12/1/2014
Peter, you crack me up. Yup. spew jack was donned just in time.
Trust me, zero pursuing going on here. I have maintained radio silence ever since the retarded FB phone call I made. Seems to be working a little bit, but who knows. Not doing much mind reading this week either.
Hope224, I sure hope so. She has never been one to place any value on things but you never know what she keeps down deep inside.
Me 47 - W 35 M 9 - T 10 2 Daughters - 7 & 9 Discovery of EA- 8/4/14 S - 8/5/15 D mentioned - 9/11/14 R & Piecing - 3/17/15 Regard one another as more important than yourselves. - Philippians 2:3
Dang it. She caught me off guard this morning before I could get my spew jacket fully buttoned up. She came to get the girls and take them to school and the negativity was just flowing. Nothing I did was good enough, and I let that get to me this morning.
No pursuing, no validation seeking, just a little quippy in return.
Time to go pray.
Me 47 - W 35 M 9 - T 10 2 Daughters - 7 & 9 Discovery of EA- 8/4/14 S - 8/5/15 D mentioned - 9/11/14 R & Piecing - 3/17/15 Regard one another as more important than yourselves. - Philippians 2:3
Maybe next time be ready with just a little (or maybe text her today): "Can we at least agree to keep things positive around the girls? I'm sure we both want their day to start out on an up-note. I felt attacked when you got here, and I don't like my own contribution to the snippiness this morning either. You and I can discuss all this later, if need be."
Again this morning she had some snippy comments and jabs. This time I calmly said, could you please watch the negative comments, I feel attacked the last several days and I'm sure the girls would appreciate it if we were more positive around them. She made another snippy comment in response but later in the day when I saw her she completely apologized and admitted it was rude and she'd work on it. That was nice. Being calm and soft payed off.
Yesterday afternoon, a long time friend of mine was over helping me with my truck when she came home with the kids. He is partially aware of the situation and made some unbiased observations about the way we interacted with each other and what was said. I didn't much like what he had to say actually, because I thought I was doing pretty good. Apparently not. He said "you're both doing it but you gotta suck it up and be the bigger person, man." Ouch. Well I made some huge changes in my communication with her today and I can tell she immediately noticed. Gotta work on my mouth for sure. Been into the same habits for so long gonna take some extra work on my part.
Me 47 - W 35 M 9 - T 10 2 Daughters - 7 & 9 Discovery of EA- 8/4/14 S - 8/5/15 D mentioned - 9/11/14 R & Piecing - 3/17/15 Regard one another as more important than yourselves. - Philippians 2:3
Again this morning she had some snippy comments and jabs. This time I calmly said, could you please watch the negative comments, I feel attacked the last several days and I'm sure the girls would appreciate it if we were more positive around them. She made another snippy comment in response but later in the day when I saw her she completely apologized and admitted it was rude and she'd work on it. That was nice. Being calm and soft payed off.
