Sorry you're dealing with this Shakspr. It will get better. You will emerge from this difficult time one way or another. The only thing you can do now is take care of yourself, and be the best person you can be for your own sake. You have lots of support!
M: 43 H: 39 D: 14 Married 15 Together 16 BD: 6/2014 S: 8/2014 OW revealed 10/2014 Instigated dissolution 12/2014, in progress So over it!
Checking into to say I'm thinking about you and offering what emotional support I can from afar.
BF:40 M:33 SD: 12 T: 8, never married, no kids together BD: 8/4, "I'm just done", "...too tired and burnt to try". PA confirmed 8/5 "It happened, but it's been over for almost a year".
Thinking that my W has an alien planted in her brain has really helped me detach. It is not really her doing all this. That alien is planted in her head and is ruling the roost at this time.
M42 W40 T17 M15 S13 S11 BD 7-14 A discovered 7-14 WAW moved out 10-3-14 D final 2-23-15
Shake, what attracted you to your W initially? What did you fall in love with?
We all have baggage and she's got a lot. That's a facts from your description. Did that come in to play in your early R? Has she ever had C? What made her attractive as a partner to you?
What did she find attractive in you?
Me 57/H 58 M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13
Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do. I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering. Caroline Myss
Here is a link I stole off another thread talking about detaching. There are threads here dedicated to detaching that are great reads. This link is just another resource and it really helps me.
I would like to add, briefly, that reading the infidelity and previously ignored portions of the MLC stuff in DR was too painful for one sitting last night. But I did get some of it. Thanks, MrBond.
I suppose I keep coming back to my W's belief that the divorce gets her clear, legally and emotionally, to have the new R. She won't just go HAVE the A. After all, that would be "wrong"-er! That's mind reading, I know. But she's certainly done it before. And her words to me yesterday, "I was emotionally vulnerable, I was lonely" are right out of the justification script.
labug, I am thinking about your question, as I want to give it a thorough answer.
Me: 43 XW: 43 T15 M14 D21, SS15, S11, D8 BD: 8/6 EA / possible PA discovered 9/29 D final 10/20
The chocolateeyes thread was just horrible. Why would you send me there right now? I know you had a reason - I'm just a little loopy and dumbfounded. You have my trust, so please explain what I am currently unable to see.
Shakspr
Me: 43 XW: 43 T15 M14 D21, SS15, S11, D8 BD: 8/6 EA / possible PA discovered 9/29 D final 10/20
The chocolateeyes thread was just horrible. Why would you send me there right now? I know you had a reason - I'm just a little loopy and dumbfounded. You have my trust, so please explain what I am currently unable to see.
Shakspr
Which was horrible? Or were they both horrible? I posted them because his sitch was desperate, really bad, and you were asking if it was possible to recover from your current sitch.
ChocolateEyes (now Starsky) KNEW it was over. She was acting out in ways worse than your W seems to be. He did what you did... tried everything in his power to help his W and save his M. Then he discovered (like you) that she wasn't being truthful. He reached that point of seeming no return.
In his anger he occasionally lost it but always brought it back to being in a detached sense of control over his reactions to whatever she did.
And then it turned around! There were a couple of stumbles but they ultimately made it. And if they hadn't made it, ChocolateEyes/Starsky KNEW he would've done fine. It would've hurt like hell, sure, but he was gonna make it.
I found it heartening when I was low, when I KNEW my sitch was over. So I am totally caught off guard by the idea that it could have the reverse reaction on you. So sorry! Forgive me.
On the plus side, I am so glad you got some sleep.
M:54, H:55 T:33, M:27 12/13 BD: EA 01/14 BD: PA, H leaves 03/14 H & OW break up 05/14 H says he will file for D 08/14 H initiates D 09/14 H wants to R 12/14 Still bungling our way through R
Oh, I hadn't read Starsky's stuff to know that there had been reconciliation. I just read the chocolateeyes threads and thought that it was over...completely, irretrievably, over.
Thank you for trying to help. I knew I must have been missing something!
Me: 43 XW: 43 T15 M14 D21, SS15, S11, D8 BD: 8/6 EA / possible PA discovered 9/29 D final 10/20
